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First off, I will forever be grateful for this forum. I’m like many of you, I have Mormon heritage to my blood going back generations on both sides. I’ve felt that over the past year I’ve slowly been loosing my testimony. I’m rarely excited to go to church. I don’t read my scriptures and pray out of habit now. I often think about what I could be spending my tithing money on, and what I could be doing instead of being at church. Many things have been said in GC by apostles that I don’t agree with at all. I started looking at another website this week and for some reason some of the historical stuff (most of which I was previously aware of) hit me hard, like the BoA, JS polyandry, the racist doctrine and policies, the lack of physical BoM evidence, the BoM witnesses, etc. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to believe in a God, much less a church. I was seriously trying to figure out how to leave the church, which would have been very hard and devastating for my family, particularly my mom. After listening to some of the mormon stories podcast learned it is possible to reconcile what I’m feeling now during my crisis of faith and my TBM beliefs. I really love much of the church doctrine and the people in it.
The biggest thing that has happened to me recently is just feeling stretched for time. THERE ARE SO MANY MEETINGS AT CHURCH. Just in the past 3 months every GA who has come to my area has wanted to do a training session and since I’m the ward clerk it was expected to go. I found excuses for not going. It just irritates me that every GA who comes through here feels the need to train us on stuff I’ve heard a million times. I know I can’t be alone in feeling this way about the time commitment, most if it thankless.
I haven’t told my wife yet about what I’ve been through, but I feel that I will need to be honest about it soon. I guess I just wanted to find a place where I could vent and express my issues with the church and not feel shunned for it. I feel at home at this forum, even though I’ve only been lurking for a short while. This is exactly what I need.
Welcome! I’m glad you feel at home, and very glad you were able to find us! :thumbup: Welcome! Glad you found us. Look forward to hearing more from you. I agree, way too much time needed for church things. I decided years before my FC that I would only give X amount of time to church a week, so if I had meetings with the RS presidency, then I would minus something else out during the week… or say no to the meetings. It is probably much harder as a ward clerk? I don’t know since I have never been a ward clerk…. But as for me, I am living this religion on my terms, it is difficult at times to fight the guilt and fear of judgements.
For years now I have resented THREE hours of church that seem pointless to me … so now I go to sacrament and then go home or I go to Marriage and Family class or whatever class that I can stomach and then go home. My family stays so sometimes it is hard to see my cute kiddo’s face question me to where I was when they get home and I have to fight the guilt. I haven’t been to three hours of church in 8 months. It works for me. When I push myself to go to 3 hours I get very resentful… esp if I am in RS and they start talking about Church history without telling the whole story… I just can’t take it!
Anyway, I hope you can find a balance that works for you. Set your personal boundaries that work for you and do it with no guilt;)
Also, I understand opening up regarding your FC to your wife. It is a touchy and sensitive subject. If you haven’t already listened, I recommend podcast from Mormon Stories regarding Navigating FC if one of you is TBM. It was a lifesaver because I wanted to spill all my angers and findings on to my TBM hubby all at once to prove that I was right and had justification for my leaving the church (which I haven’t, but wanted to) and I wanted him to come along with me . I still have a LONG ways to go and at times wish we could just rip the band-aid off and spill everything out, but that isn’t how my DH works nor do I think it would be beneficial for my marriage. Reading post and getting advice has also been extremely beneficial on the what not to do’s and what to do’s. I love this forum! Welcome and thanks for posting.
Namaste
Welcome. If an apostle (Joseph Wirthlin) can include in a General Conference talk “being tired” as one of the reasons people stop attending church, please feel confident that your concern is not a trivial one. The talk is “Concern for the One”, and it includes one of my favorite descriptions ever – the comparison of the pure kingdom of God to an orchestral symphony that needs every different instrument to be heard in order to create the most beautiful sound possible. I recommend it highly.
Welcome and I am glad that you have found us. It is amazing how fast everything can unravel once it starts. Again once it starts it is amazing how fast we start feeling resentful of time and money and energy we spend on the church for things that really don’t help other people, especially our families. I am looking forward to hear more from you. Welcome. I’m glad you feel you can vent here, and please feel free to do so. It is therapeutic, so to speak, and if nothing else it helps us figure out for ourselves what our issues really are. I find it extremely helpful to be able to put my feelings down in a safe place. If I’m not being too forward (because you didn’t really ask for it), I’d like to give you some advice for when you talk to your wife and other believing family members. Take it slow, don’t dump all at once, and concentrate on what you do believe. This is advice I wish someone had given me (I hadn’t found this place yet).
Quote:Take it slow, don’t dump all at once, and concentrate on what you do believe.
That probably should be our sub-title – or, at least, official motto.
:thumbup: As I’m sure you have gathered from reading this forum, there are many people who can relate almost exactly to your situation and have your same concerns. Reading this board got me past some hard days. If you haven’t read Jeff Burton’s “For Those Who Wonder” I’d highly recommend it. It is available free on the internet. It is kind of aimed at helping a believing spouse or other person understand what a Faith Crisis really is all about. I shared it with my wife early I our discussions about my new beliefs and it was very helpful. Welcome to the site. I wonder how many members experience mid-life crisis of sorts because once the kids become more self-sufficient (which was a distraction at best) church can truly be mind-numbingly dull? Wow! Thanks for the warm welcome. I feel much better about things after listening to the Mormon Stories podcasts about Navigating a FC and the talk by Elder Wirthlin suggested here. To be honest once I started feeling this way one of my initial reactions was deep sadness. I love much of what the church has to offer. I’m glad I haven’t dumped everything on my wife and family yet. I still have much pondering left to do. Hi – Glad you’re here. I recently had an occasion to set boundaries. It wasn’t comfortable. I was being asked to do something (outside of my calling, but still “expected” of me) and I told them that I couldn’t commit to it all. That I would come when could, but, in so many words, that Iwould be the judge of when. I try to be honest with myself about when it’s just inertia or laziness, and I think seriously about “all with which the Lord has blessed me,” and when I say I’ll be there, I am. But I also place new value on my time and my family’s well-being. Good luck! Curtis wrote:Welcome.
If an apostle (Joseph Wirthlin) can include in a General Conference talk “being tired” as one of the reasons people stop attending church, please feel confident that your concern is not a trivial one. The talk is “Concern for the One”, and it includes one of my favorite descriptions ever – the comparison of the pure kingdom of God to an orchestral symphony that needs every different instrument to be heard in order to create the most beautiful sound possible. I recommend it highly.
Here you go:
Quote:Some are lost because they are different. They feel as though they don’t belong. Perhaps because they are different, they find themselves slipping away from the flock. They may look, act, think, and speak differently than those around them and that sometimes causes them to assume they don’t fit in. They conclude that they are not needed.
Tied to this misconception is the erroneous belief that all members of the Church should look, talk, and be alike. The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of Heavenly Father’s children are different in some degree, yet each has his own beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the whole…
Some are lost because they are weary. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed. With all the pressures and demands on our time and the stress we face each day, it’s little wonder we get tired. Many feel discouraged because they have not measured up to their potential. Others simply feel too weak to contribute. And so, as the flock moves on, gradually, almost imperceptibly, some fall behind.
Everyone has felt tired and weary at one time or another. I seem to feel more so now than I did when I was younger. Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, even Jesus Christ knew what it meant to be tired. I do not wish to underestimate the weight that members of the Church bear upon their shoulders, nor do I minimize the emotional and spiritual trials they face. These can be heavy and often difficult to bear.
Elder Joseph B. WirthlinApril 2008 Concern for the One
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/04/concern-for-the-one?lang=eng Great screen name thorinOakenshield. Welcome to the forum. I hope we can be a community for you. I support the advice given previously. Take your time.
Welcome! I totally agree with what others have said — definitely take it slow. It’s very hard gaining a knowledge that you have been lied to for decades of your life about something all of us in this forum have held close to our hearts. For me, the Mormon Stories podcasts have been a great help as well. At some point, you will need to talk to your spouse, but make sure you have thought through everything first. In my case, I actually found my wife had been learning about all the nice true history stuff before me, so that was a bit of a surprise as well as a huge relief.
It is fine to say “no” to meetings — we don’t need all of them. Personally, I think we should dispense with a bunch of them and go and paint somebody’s house!
NewLight wrote:It is fine to say “no” to meetings — we don’t need all of them. Personally, I think we should dispense with a bunch of them and go and paint somebody’s house!
Me, too! I actually think the Q15 recognizes this, too, but they can’t let go of some of the sacred cows.
Welcome to the group. You are definately not alone. I find the Fowler’s stages of faith model particularly useful because it gives a big picture perspective – while otherwise, going through a FC, it can feel like the end of your world.
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