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In all my life I was happiest when I was living the gospel. Before, I accepted that as a sort of evidence that I was in the truth. Now, I wonder if that happiness wasn’t the result of having found the one true church, but of being committed to my beliefs. There is a deep sense of fulfillment in being clear on what you believe and living according to those beliefs.
The grief and disconnect come as I question my current beliefs and realize that I no longer have many firm beliefs to commit to.
Quote:There is a deep sense of fulfillment in being clear on what you believe and living according to those beliefs.
Yes, there is. That’s why changes in faith are so threatening and painful – the ambiguity and “cloudiness” or darkness is more frightening than clarity and light. However, it is possible to move from one “faith orientation” to another. The transition is hard, but when the new peace finally comes into view . . .
My favorite analogy is being in an airplane and moving into the clouds. Suddenly, nothing is visible – and that can be disorienting and scary when it happens for the first time, especially if the clouds are dark and contain storms. Then, when the plane emerges from the clouds into the clear air above (and, especially, when the clouds break beneath and a new view of the earth beneath appears), the view is breathtaking. It’s like you’ve never seen the Earth before – and, in a real way, that is true. The perspective from above looking down is radically different than the perspective on the ground looking around.
I agree that I used to be happier before my faith crisis. While I still live the gospel except for church attendance (which I’m not sure is actually part of the gospel itself), I am not as happy as I once was. Fifteen years ago I would say there was nothing in my life I would have changed or done differently. In the years since my faith crisis I look back and say there are several things I would have done differently. Nevertheless, I do believe that living the gospel. especially loving our neighbor, can and does bring us happiness and peace. I agree and I really liked Curtis’ comment. While reading it I reflected back on your comment: Unknown wrote:There is a deep sense of fulfillment in being clear on what you believe and living according to those beliefs.
I was able to rediscover happiness, see the beauty above the clouds, when I took ownership over believing what I believed and living according to those beliefs. I think the key difference between now and the past was that in the past I allowed a religious institution to be the source of my beliefs. Another freeing element was to “let go” of the anxiety brought on by not having all the answers and to find a way forward despite no longer having a road map provided for me. Easier said than done and I think for me it just took time, study, and introspection.
I also like DarkJedi’s comments. I find comfort in looking back at my past self and discovering things I would have done differently.
I believe that living life the a way that matches our beliefs is a great source of happiness. I don’t really spend too much time trying to compare happiness before with happiness now, because I think it is a losing proposition. I was very happy and fulfilled before. Now, I am merely happy and fulfilled, with the ‘very’ part left off. The main element that was lost, for me, was a sense of purpose. I believed that what I was doing mattered in a grand sense. Now, I feel that it only matters in a local sense. The high water mark of my happiness before was higher than it has been after.
Yet, whatever our beliefs, I agree that it’s good to establish a set of personal ‘values’, for lack of a better term, and then to strive to live that idyllic lifestyle. Basically, that’s why I find it easy to celebrate the faith of others, even when it doesn’t mesh with my own faith. Each person has their personal way of achieving what is important to them, and I’m not going to quibble over how they came up with the compendium of things that are important to them.
Quote:My favorite analogy is being in an airplane and moving into the clouds. Suddenly, nothing is visible – and that can be disorienting and scary when it happens for the first time, especially if the clouds are dark and contain storms. Then, when the plane emerges from the clouds into the clear air above (and, especially, when the clouds break beneath and a new view of the earth beneath appears), the view is breathtaking. It’s like you’ve never seen the Earth before – and, in a real way, that is true. The perspective from above looking down is radically different than the perspective on the ground looking around.
Great analogy Curtis. I’m still working to break through the clouds.Quote:The main element that was lost, for me, was a sense of purpose. I believed that what I was doing mattered in a grand sense. Now, I feel that it only matters in a local sense. The high water mark of my happiness before was higher than it has been after.
This is how I feel too, On MY Own.
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