Meeting with bishopric member and filled with dread

The appointment request came as a text to my wife’s phone this morning. When we moved into the ward, we listed her cell phone as the family number and didn’t give them my cell (I used the excuse that it was for work, which it partially was at the time). She already has a calling but they might be shuffling things around. When I met with the bishop a month or two ago, I told him I wouldn’t feel comfortable with callings but I would be happy to engage in service. I’ve been a little more involved since then though—baptizing my son, showing up to elder’s quorum, etc. We had home teachers over last week, for the first time in 7 years. Maybe they’re going to prod me again for something. Aaaggghhh. I hate this anxiety. The funny thing is, I’ve changed a lot in the past few months. There are a number of callings I would actually be OK with. I’d even give a talk in church (which I have turned down before, numerous times, in other wards). I just hate not knowing.

I feel for your anxiety. I would be in the same position and feel physically ill when I am anxious. I have felt weird anxiety when any member of the bishopric recently. I just don’t want to have any open conversation with them and I often forget that I don’t HAVE to do anything… Love OMO’s suggestions. You don’t have to talk about anything you aren’t comfortable with, you don’t have to accept any calling.

Fantastic advice OMO..think about it and give them your answer by Wed. I try to use that with everything in my life now. Someone recently asked me to watch twin babies every week for 4 hours for 3 months. I normally would have said “sure” even if I didn’t want to. Now I said , let me think about it. After an hour I knew I didn’t want to. So I was able to think about it, find a nicer way for me to say NO. I also turned down a calling for the first time in my life last summer. I said I would think and pray about it, I did and told him I didn’t feel good about it. Hurray for free agency!!

Daeruin,

No need to be anxious. It’s probably a calling for either you or your wife. My suggestion is to go into the meeting assuming it is a calling and that no matter what the calling is or who it is for, that your combined response will be to thank them for thinking about you and that you will give it some thought and get back with them by Wednesday. That will alleviate any concern for having to make a decision in the moment for something that you can only guess at what it might be. That, then, puts you in control. Not all callings are that bad, and as you said, there might be some you’d be happy to do. But either way, it is up to you to accept or decline. They don’t get to assign you by coercion. One issue with callings is expectations and limits. Planning to take time to think about it, allows you to determine all that. Even if it’s not about a calling, the same concept holds. They might ask you to attend the temple prep class, gospel essentials class or marriage relations class. The same answer… thanks for thinking about it, we’ll think about it, talk it over and get back with you by Wednesday, is just as valid. My whole point in all of this is to allow the subject of the meeting a surprise, but the response to the subject something that you have time to think about, no matter what it is.

, “I support my wife in everything. If she accepts this calling, then I’ll support her in that too.” :thumbup:

:clap: Love that!!

I used to feel the same way. There is so much narrative in the church about accepting callings. And so much guilt and dread.

My wife and found out through some very difficult circumstances that the anxious feelings are rooted in the assumption that there is no possibility for controlling the outcome, because it ‘comes from God’. I won’t go into too many details, but through some very difficult interaction with a bishop, we jettisoned that part of our old rationale and that asserting the power to say yes or no, was absolutely emancipating, and removed the anxiety. In fact, we found that these kinds of feelings of helplessness in these and other situations were part of the roots of depression, and by using our inner strength and asserting our ability speak out and make choices, life in general has become a whole lot easier to deal with.

GOOD LUCK!!!

The biggest challenge will be finding babysitters for the kids.

or for some of the seniors

The biggest challenge will be finding babysitters for the kids.

or for some of the seniors

😆

I was happy to accept.

Good for you. What a wonderful opportunity to serve (literally) people who are so deserving.

I was asked not long ago, to take on a particular calling. The Bishop was very reticent to ask me, because I think he thought there was no way I would accept. I gave it some thought, though, and decided to go ahead with it. I actually have enjoyed it. At no time during my calling is there any mention of the BofM, gender roles, or SSA. I am simply helping fellow human beings. Honestly, it feels good. Don’t tell my Bishop.