Navigating a faith transition

Welcome! I’m glad you found us and introduced yourself!

Yes, it is a very difficult transition. I relate to everything you expressed. It has been quite a few years for me since I have been where you are now, but I remember the emotions well. With family both sides can grow closer if they can loosen their hold on certainty, but that is difficult and so it may be easier for you to not stake your new position so firmly than to expect any loosening from them. We have many interpretive models in the church you can seek out and study.

At church I remember working so hard to look for new meanings and symbols that could take me out of the literal interpretations. It does get easier with practice.

I look forward to hearing more from you.

I just need something in my life to help with my spiritual growth. I’m not getting that from the church right now, but maybe I will in the future as I better learn to interpret things figuratively rather than literally. I think that’s everything. I’m looking forward to participating in the great discussions here.

Welcome! You are in the right place, and you are still in the right church/religion. What you’ve stumbled upon is the same thing the rest of us have–the limits of the language that the Church uses to describe and teach spiritual truths that are very real. It is an overly legalistic language. Your wife’s concern is understandable but it basically comes from a misunderstanding about eternal salvation. There is more and you will find it.

Personally, I’m very happy with where my FT is taking me, but I hate that it’s hurting the people I love and creating a gap in my most important relationships. I think the hardest thing for me to deal with is I feel so misunderstood. I feel like no matter what I do or say, my wife and especially my parents are always going to believe that I have been deceived. I wish I could somehow make them understand the mental and spiritual process I went through to get to where I am today. Deception was not a part of it.

Hi, smplfy7 – Glad you’re here, and thanks for your intro. I know things aren’t simple for you, but written up so nicely it looks a lot better on paper than the introduction I never wrote…..

Someone here quoted Joseph Campbell and it has stuck with me:

“Preachers err by trying to talk people into belief; better they reveal the radiance of their own discovery.”

I try to keep that in mind. If the change in my faith doesn’t provide light for myself and warmth for those around me, what good is it?

Personally, I’m very happy with where my FT is taking me, but I hate that it’s hurting the people I love and creating a gap in my most important relationships. I think the hardest thing for me to deal with is I feel so misunderstood. I feel like no matter what I do or say, my wife and especially my parents are always going to believe that I have been deceived. I wish I could somehow make them understand the mental and spiritual process I went through to get to where I am today. Deception was not a part of it.

Welcome to our ward. So glad you are here! Loved reading your intro, as many would agree, you are in the right place. I swear if the genders weren’t switched, I would sworn that I wrote this post. It is hard when people tell you that you are being deceived (and even if they don’t say anything, you know what they were thinking because you would have thought the same thing before FT); even harder to feel that you are causing someone pain. I often times wish I could go back and be TBM and forget everything, yet, like you, I LOVE who I have become as a result of letting go of such a limiting belief system. I also get ZIP out of church, I resent that I have to sit there for 3 hours. It is frustrating. I hope this changes because I also still go to church with my DH and kids, I only stay for 2 hours because for whatever reason, that drives me less crazy. I avoid SS and RS at ALL COSTS! I also take one Sunday a month for ME time. I help him get the kids ready for church and then I have three hours to write and meditate.. and “attend” StayLDS Ward. This is how I cope. I hope you find a middle way that works for you.

Welcome.

Fwiw, I haven’t seen church as a source of spiritual enlightenment and growth for a long, long time – frankly, ever since I was quite young. It happens sometimes (quite regularly, actually), but I have no expectations for it to happen. It’s a gift when it does, and letting go of the expectation allows it to be a gift.

I go to church not to be fed but to feed.

This! I haven’t been fed there in a long time. But it’s ok. There are so many good places that I do feel fed and can go to I don’t rely on the church or any one institution to do so.

There are many great places to get fed but I take the feeding I get at other places and use that nourishment to feed others.

Church can be a wonderful place to do that if you don’t get caught up in expectations and just serving with and giving of yourself that us truly you in the the changed(forced in a certain way and time) you.

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome and the kind words of encouragement and advice. It has all been so helpful. I’m really going to enjoy participating here.

Someone here quoted Joseph Campbell and it has stuck with me:

“Preachers err by trying to talk people into belief; better they reveal the radiance of their own discovery.”

I try to keep that in mind. If the change in my faith doesn’t provide light for myself and warmth for those around me, what good is it?

Thanks for sharing this, Ann. It’s so relevant to me right now. I just need to focus on embracing my personal beliefs and living those beliefs fully by loving and serving the people around me. Actions speak louder than words.

I go to church not to be fed but to feed.

Well said, Curtis. Such a good perspective. I don’t know how much feeding I’ve been doing recently at church, especially since I’m not serving in a calling at this time, but I can certainly up my game of smiling and offering a friendly handshake.

There are so many good places that I do feel fed and can go to I don’t rely on the church or any one institution to do so.

There are many great places to get fed but I take the feeding I get at other places and use that nourishment to feed others.

Church can be a wonderful place to do that if you don’t get caught up in expectations and just serving with and giving of yourself that us truly you in the the changed(forced in a certain way and time) you.

Just curious, Forgotten_Charity (and anyone else who wants to add their perspective), where do you go to get “spiritually fed” as we’re calling it? For me, I’m finding simply being alone with my thoughts can provide the best spiritual nourishment. It’s been a lot of fun since beginning my FT to just take moments when I’m alone to simply think. Think about what I’ve been taught to believe my whole life and then think about what I personally agree or disagree with now that I’m thinking more independently. One of the most rewarding aspects of my new perspective has been developing my own moral compass and approach to interpreting truth.

Just curious, Forgotten_Charity (and anyone else who wants to add their perspective), where do you go to get “spiritually fed” as we’re calling it? For me, I’m finding simply being alone with my thoughts can provide the best spiritual nourishment. It’s been a lot of fun since beginning my FT to just take moments when I’m alone to simply think. Think about what I’ve been taught to believe my whole life and then think about what I personally agree or disagree with now that I’m thinking more independently. One of the most rewarding aspects of my new perspective has been developing my own moral compass and approach to interpreting truth.

Thinking independently is a start(otherwise you will forever be a slave to others expectations and emotions).

My own moral compass was established when I was young. I choose it when I was young independently of what others taught me. That made me “odd” or different them those around me. So after many attempts to reconcile (it’s tough when it’s a one way effort)I decided it was in my best interest to move on and get spiritually fed else where.

I like to read books, movies and music that speak to examples of those values.

The scriptures are great but there not the best source for stories and examples.

I talk to therapist and counselors who seem to have a string grasp of good fruit with open talk and no baggage or dogma attached to it. That’s what I am looking for spiritual good fruit with no or little excess baggage.

I talk to many philosophers and listen to many that speak to me if they talk of something I can’t explain but they have words for that I have tried and noticed good fruit in it. I try others to see if it will yield good fruit. I am bit afraid of trail and error.

I think movies like treeless mountain, and the “snow walker” (based on a phenomenal short story called “walk well my brother”) have tremendous impact of good fruit. More then I hear in Sundays for months in a row. They are so uplifting and spiritual to their core lessons inside and told in a much better way with no baggage attached so as not to be weighed down at a time of uplift.

But most importantly I walk to the mountains and go to the ocean by myself and prey and meditate and think on these things I have learned and think about how to apply it for good in my life to help others.

Even more so then the temple, I have my greatest spiritual experiences in those places doing that. A raw connection and positive energy that I couldn’t feel anywhere else.