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As I go through this faith transition, I’m concerned about my kids. First of all, I don’t want them to find out about church history the hard way, and I want to be honest with them, but how do I do this without contradicting what they are learning about in church? So far, I’ve gently told them that of course they can ride their bikes on sunday without breaking the sabbath- that was their teacher’s opinion on what keeping the sabbath day holy meant, and things like that. But what about when they come home with tougher things? My oldest turns 8 soon. What do I tell her? Do I let her get baptized when I don’t really think the church is all that it says it is?
What about when my son (or daughters for that matter) become missionary age? Do I encourage them to go? Do I discourage them? I know the social impact it will have especially on my son. He will have a hard time finding someone in the church willing to date or marry him. Or should that even matter to me anymore?
It was so much easier when it was all black and white!
I don’t have time for a full response right now, but I would suggest reading some of the older posts in the Support Section – as well as the Introduction Section. There are quite a few that deal with exactly this question. I have taken a “do no harm” stance with my family. They are aware I have doubts and questions but for the most part don’t know what they are. Do let your children be baptized if they desire – even participate, and likewise on serving missions. It’s OK to explain in non-threatening and vague terms that not everything that has happened in the past is as it seems. As they get older you can refer them to the essays about polygamy, the priesthood ban, etc., on LDS.org and let them decide for themselves. Your explanation about riding bikes on the Sabbath is a great example of how to handle things, even bigger things. Your questions are very similar to the ones I had when I first started visiting this board. Here are a few of my early posts that might help you: One of my main concerns was whether to baptize my son:
http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=4935&p=67441 As part of that, we discussed what the benefits of baptism are from a purely symbolic viewpoint:
http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=4953&p=67689 And we talked about how to be authentic with your children when you don’t believe, or don’t believe the same:
http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=4967&p=67835 Around that time there was also a discussion of what to do if kids grow up to make different choices than we would prefer:
http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=4969 I would also encourage you to tell us your story in a little more detail, if you feel comfortable with it. Knowing what your personal concerns are and what your family situation is like is really helpful in giving you feedback that applies best to you.
Daeruin wrote:Your questions are very similar to the ones I had when I first started visiting this board. Here are a few of my early posts that might help you:
Thank you Daeruin for linking to those earlier posts. I’m sure that they will be helpful.
For me I try to get at the principle of why we do things. For example, My family believes in the principle of respecting ourselves and our bodies. In our home, one of the ways that we follow that is by dressing modestly. We might have some specific interpretations on what is and isn’t modest but in the broadest sense as long as you are showing respect for yourself and your body you are being modest (one’s personal intent becomes really important here).
As far as the Sabbath goes… DW and I have some good friends that are SDA (Seventh Day Adventist). They have compelling justification for the Sabbath being on Saturday. We LDS largely sidestep the issue by saying that what day you attend church is less important than that we set apart a day to serve God. Sounds like a good argument right? Yup – But it kind of takes the wind out of the sails of draconian lists of things that God doesn’t want done on Sundays. Whenever DW looks at me with anguish in her eyes and asks me if it would be breaking the Sabbath to buy a gallon of milk – I give her a wink and tell her that it wouldn’t be breaking the Sabbath because the Sabbath was on Saturday.
On the mission thing … I think you are getting a little ahead of yourself. Slow down a little – it will be OK.
:thumbup: Quote:Slow down a little – it will be OK.
This – about SO much in life.
Thanks, everyone. This has been very helpful. Thanks for the links as well. This site is helping me become more comfortable with what my faith is now, and slowly beginning to accept it for what it is, and what it will never be again. Glad to have friends on the journey. If your oldest kid is only 8, tell him or her that all is well in Zion. Have your kids baptized and keep acting like a good Mormon for the rest of your life. That’s my plan. It’s working for me. I’m a pretty happy guy. That should be your plan, too. Do you teach your kids about Santa Claus? If so, you should have no reservations about teaching them the romanticized version of Church history.
You grew up being taught the traditional LDS narrative, right? And you turned out pretty good, right? Well then keep teaching the traditional narrative to your kids! Odds are, your kids will turn out pretty good.
I know what you’re going through, in a small way, at least. My oldest kid is 4 years old, and the other day she asked me about Heaven. She asked me what people do in Heaven, and I said they sit on clouds and play harps. She asked me if Joseph Smith was in Heaven, and I said yeah. I wish she would stop asking me questions like that. I wish we could just enjoy our game of Candyland.
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