Mourning

university,

Welcome. I am so glad you found us here. Glad you felt comfortable to finally post. I am sorry to hear about your broken heart regarding the church, and I feel that I can really understand. I am glad you realize that you are mourning. For me, I feel that someone I loved and 100% could trust died, I am grieving and mourning. It is a process. I too feel like I had finally “beaten” depression, only to find myself in the midst of a FC and now I am all over the place again. Somedays are better than others… today is not one of my better days. I wish I had some amazing advice on where you “should” go from here, but all I can offer is a virtual ear and a (((Hug))).

I read today this quote and I feel that it fits

Sometimes in life we have to be completely shaken up, changed and rearranged to relocate us to a place that we are meant to be

Blessed are those who mourn: for they shall be comforted.

I hope we can be part of that comforting.

Just as importantly, I believe those who mourn will be comforted because they have hearts that can feel deeply and are not hard.

university,

I’m so glad you posted. Welcome! I think you’ll find you fit in just fine.

In my experience, the heartbreak resulting from faith crisis is a testament to how invested you have been in the church/faith. If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t hurt. You’ll find many people here who can empathize.

This is true with so many things. It draws a parallel with a long term relationship or marriage.

If you were little invested in it, it wouldn’t hurt much. But the more you invest and sacrifice and note it will hurt when it doesn’t reciprocate back.

Sometimes we invest years or decades into failed relationships in the hopes that it will “turn around”. Sooner or later that belief will turn in its head once your mind comic ages to you clearly”stop, it’s not working, your hurting me”.

We usually ignore those signals because it’s to painful to face. What we accomplish by doing so is simply amplifying the effect of our emotions by suppressing them.

I’m so sorry for what your going through. I do know how much it hurts. My path parallels very similar to yours. Especially when I finally started to acknowledge to myself what I do believe(the core beliefs) and the constant message(obedience, duty, constant sacrifice, suppression of emotions instead of acknowledging them in a positive manner, you are just a tool in the machine of salivation, very dispensable, and many more.

All I really cared about was bearing forth good fruit and testing and retesting and retesting held and previously held truths and assumptions.

To keep myself in check from becoming dogmatic as to those I grew up with.

I noticed that they don’t like me retesting, it’s always goes back to that one time you believed in something to prove it. It doesn’t work that way. We all at one time believed in various things that later didn’t pan out through testing or yielding bad fruit where it once was good or visa versa.

The good news is that you can decide what you believe based on your test and fruit.

There are many talks which if taken outside of the forceful brute force believing approach can be good according to our own test and fruit. We can take them outside if the context used and rewrite them in a way that helps us in our mind and experience and fruit. It doesn’t have to be taken “as is”. No matter who much the sale of it says it does.

Nothing is really of any worth if it doesn’t help us and others. Use what you learn in a way that dies for the person and the circumstance involved.

Hope to hear more from you– take care

Welcome University,

Basically, I have the tendency to deconstruct and then reconstruct social institutions a lot, which has turned into a nightmare for my relationship with the church.

Can you elaborate on this? What might this mean in the context of the church? And what might it mean in the context of other social institutions?

I too usually find something hard to stomach in the Ensign. My wife thinks I am reading the Ensign just to pick it apart. She seems to be ignoring that I also find at least one thing in each issue that I can identify with and hold to as a hope that there is room in this church for people like me.

Again welcome!

I too do this. In social institutions. Constantly taking in, viewing quietly and watching the effects of “x” or “y” and noting and analyzing the results with known social behavior and actions.

I was taught it and too by several psychologist.

I don’t have time to post more but if you can describe to them how it is you do it. I might help a few people. I’ll post more later on this on how I do it and what I learned from what I was taught by quietly analyzing and watching them.

Anyway, I’ve been avoiding confronting what I really believe (and don’t believe) for a while now, but recently I accepted it. And now I feel like I’m in mourning. I’ve finally opened up to a few people about where I stand (none of them are actually LDS, so I got a light response). I still feel “guilty” about this. Almost ashamed, like I wish I could be a person that wasn’t so hurt by all of this. A few peers that I’ve been talking to about my plans for the future, have told me, knowing nothing about my faith crisis, to “pray to Heavenly Father for the spirit to tell me what to do.” I know they’re well-meaning, but it stirs up so much sadness in me. I wish I believed it was that simple. I wish I had the assurance of a loving God who will sweep in to help like they do. I do believe in God. I am open to the idea of God intervening in our lives. But I don’t have this conviction that they do which brings them so much comfort.

Hi, university – I’m really glad you’re here and look forward to hearing from a younger woman. All I can say about my relationship with God is that, after an initial period of complete disorientation, it seems to be righting itself.

I hope you enjoy it here. Feel free to say what’s making you sad; chances are that someone else has had a similar experience or thought.

Welcome, university! :wave:

I am also a single female in my 20’s with no kids. So don’t worry, you’re not the only one. The people here are helpful and supportive regardless of your age or where you’re at in your life.

Fast-forward to now. Basically, I have the tendency to deconstruct and then reconstruct social institutions a lot, which has turned into a nightmare for my relationship with the church. I wish I could just detach emotionally. But I can’t. I want so badly to be in the church—then I flip open the Ensign and read an article and I’m moved to tears of agony. Things I read terrify me and feel like a slap to the face. I want so badly for the gospel to be simple: believe in God, love your fellow beings, don’t be prideful, and try to learn as much wisdom as you can. But every time I try to engage in church that’s not the message I get. And it hurts so much.

I think it’s okay to deconstruct and reconstruct the things about the church. It’s also normal to be sad and disappointed. Do you know why you’re sad by it though? Is it because the church is not what you thought it was growing up? I think you should start focusing on the good things about the Church. So, what do you like about the Church?

You came to the right place. I’m glad you finally made an account. You are welcome to vent anytime you want. The people here will listen. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and perspective.

Dear University,

Thank you for the post and I’m glad you’re here. There are a lot of smart and empathetic people here. I check in here a few times a week to keep my sanity.

You stated that you’re sad and wish you had the comfort you had before. Recently a loved one passed away and I was sad and a little jealous that many LDS had so much certainty that we’re eternal families. I miss the ability to say “I know” with more conviction and I miss the comfort associated with some of our doctrine. I think you’ll find many people relate to you here in this forum.