Feeling hopeful

Some weeks I’m spiraling downward when it comes to my relationship with the church, I’m tired and hurt and don’t want to do it anymore… and then other days hope appears…either from an insightful thought I find here, or from someone or somewhere unexpected. This week I’ve been on an upward climb as I made it through church relatively painlessly, my daughters seemed to truly benefit and I feel like I can present alternative ways of thinking when I see an issue without undermining everything they are learning at church. Then a loved one who I have adored my whole life made a comment on a facebook post that lifted me more. (This woman has seen it all, children who struggle with drugs, leave the church, a son in jail, daughter on a mission, her husband left her because he ‘had a revelation that he must live the law of polygamy’ He told her if she didn’t allow it she would be damned ( wonder where he got that idea) She prayed…didn’t want her marriage to fall apart..could this really be what God was asking of her…and she received the clearest most instant answer to prayer she every had..NO! She left, got her degree, remarried a wonderful man in the temple and is living happier than she ever could have imagined. She is a saint) Anyway, now that you know her a little better, her comment was in response to someones concern over the plan of salvation and families not being together forever. She said she doesn’t hold the traditional Mormon view, that she believes in eternal progression, and maybe that means we progress through each kingdom until we are ” perfect” But that this life isn’t the only determiner, that not only a very select few will live with God again…that his plan is more efficient than that. She said other things as well and I felt so much admiration for her for stating plainly an unorthodox belief for all to see. Her comment got a lot of likes so I’m thinking a lot of other people find comfort in the idea that their loved ones who go inactive won’t being condemned to a lesser heaven. I think ( I hope) I’m coming out of the pit of despair that I’ve been wallowing in lately. I feel that I am good with God. I’ve been able to separate God and Church, they were all entwined and I think some of the pain came from not being able to tell the difference between the two. I have the feeling that my Heavenly Parents will want me back( and my inactive husband and my inactive father) no matter how mixed up or wrong or right we are about religion. Fingers crossed this hopeful feeling lasts!