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This comes up a lot, when people make comments that are extreme and hard on us. I thought it might be good to explore how you might respond to extreme statements, or ones with which you don’t agree. Here is one — how would you respond to this.
ScenarioYou are at a Ward social and the name of a formerly active brother comes up. He was a leader in the Ward and Stake, but has recently lessened his activity, refused callings, and seems disengaged with the gospel. A traditional believing Mormon indicates the man should know better, that he’s letting the Ward down by not magnifying the priesthood, not contributing, and is on his way to apostasy.
How would you respond to this judgmental statement?
I might be tempted to quote from Pres. Uchtdorf, especially “It’s not that simple,” and the pope “Who am I to judge?” Really, we don’t know his circumstances, his feelings and what he might be going through. W should be helping and supporting him in any way he desires, not judging him. Isn’t that what love thy neighbor is all about? So often we can’t know the heart. Who am I to judge another, when I walk so imperfectly? “It’s not that simple,” is a perfect way to start. I also probably would add, “I love him. He’s a really good man.”
Calling someone out for being judgmental is a surefire way to get them on the defensive, even if you try to soften it by making it a question or trying to apply it to yourself. They know you’re really trying to apply it to them and their comments. I like Ray’s approach of simply modeling the behavior you wish they would engage in. Roy wrote:So often we can’t know the heart. Who am I to judge another, when I walk so imperfectly?
I like this. Maybe also something like:
“We can only draw conclusions based on the outward appearance, I’m glad that the Lord sees the heart.”
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