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A good friend of ours was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, and his wife wrote a post on her blog recently with the above title. It is moving and enlightening on its own, but what she describes has application to some faith crises for some people, as well. I hope it helps someone here, somehow – and I would appreciate it if anyone who likes it shares a comment on her blog.
http://allmyjedis.blogspot.com/2014/04/life-doesnt-stop-for-cancer-reflections.html Thanks Ray,, I often use the metaphor ideas of cancer or stroke to explain faith crisis/transitions. They seem to be the only parallels I can find, her post solidifies that choice for me. I loved that she felt numb, not triumphant, jubilant but numb. Ray please pass along my gratitude to her for this beautiful post. Thank you.
I really don’t get how Americans refer to cancer as a “journey”. Seen this usage elsewhere. If anything the experience is anything but a journey as the sufferer tries to hold their place.
Suffering isn’t a journey nor is chemotherapy except perhaps towards death and pain.
Sam, I think the unwritten meaning of this is not that cancer itself is a journey but rather that life is a journey that, in this case, includes cancer as part of that journey. In other words, the title might have been, “Life Doesn’t Stop for Cancer: Reflections on the Journey of Life that Includes Cancer”.
The only kind of journey cancer is like is a covered wagon on its way to a prison camp. Sam – I have never had cancer, I don’t proclaim to know anything about it, and if you have please teach me differently, but I sat with and helped a neighbor through two rounds of cancer and yes – there are many days when it is just hold on and hope. Even holding on and hoping to die. Something else though in her situation did happen – her heart changed. She was always a generous woman, yet she also wanted certain things her own way. Her generosity did not include her family, until she got sick, suddenly the possibility that she would lose the family connection changed her. On healthy stretches – she put aside her other life and connected with them. She has passed away now, but her family still lives in the same house. I watched her son and daughter hang Christmas lights this year, the other day everyone was out front washing their cars together. These things didn’t happen before. They became a family out of her misery. Infact she fought to live long enough to celebrate her babies sixteenth birthday. She died quietly in the night following the party. Cancer is yucky, miserable, vicious and thieving, I wish it on no one. Just as I wish a faith crisis on no one. Oddly though it may the very despair of it that crafts a healing far beyond the persons body.
mom3 wrote:Sam – I have never had cancer, I don’t proclaim to know anything about it, and if you have please teach me differently, but I sat with and helped a neighbor through two rounds of cancer and yes – there are many days when it is just hold on and hope. Even holding on and hoping to die. Something else though in her situation did happen – her heart changed. She was always a generous woman, yet she also wanted certain things her own way. Her generosity did not include her family, until she got sick, suddenly the possibility that she would lose the family connection changed her. On healthy stretches – she put aside her other life and connected with them. She has passed away now, but her family still lives in the same house. I watched her son and daughter hang Christmas lights this year, the other day everyone was out front washing their cars together. These things didn’t happen before. They became a family out of her misery.
Infact she fought to live long enough to celebrate her babies sixteenth birthday. She died quietly in the night following the party. Cancer is yucky, miserable, vicious and thieving, I wish it on no one. Just as I wish a faith crisis on no one. Oddly though it may the very despair of it that crafts a healing far beyond the persons body.
Beautiful Mom3, absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing this. I’m going to text my wife and tell her how much I love and appreciate her.
:thumbup: The “journey” isn’t living a horrible life towards your death because of cancer. The journey is learning to live a positive and fulfilling life (however long it may be), despite having cancer. It is also learning to overcome our trials and coming out a better person. Isn’t that part of the reason why we go through trials? President Uchtdorf discussed something similar to this in his most recent general conference talk. He talked about how we should be grateful in our trials. Have you read/watch his talk yet? You should, it’s pretty good!
:thumbup: Here are some quotes from his talk that kind of relate to this:
Quote:When we are grateful to God in our circumstances, we can experience gentle peace in the midst of tribulation.
and
Quote:We sometimes think that being grateful is what we do after our problems are solved, but how terribly shortsighted that is. How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?
Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges.
Ray’s friend and his wife seem to have learned a lot because of this cancer. I think that’s pretty inspiring. Mom3 shares another great example of someone having a new outlook on life. Even though mom3’s neighbor lost her battle to cancer I think she still “overcame” this trial in the end.
🙂 DontKnow – Your words were perfect for me today. I am aching in my heart and filled with self-pity. I even know, not just from Elder Uchtdorf, but from scripture, from life experience and others, that gratitude in the face of deep trials/sorrows is purposeful. Because of your generous reminder, I already feel my heart ungripping itself from my pain. Thank you.
Yes, I helped someone with cancer once. Unless you count her “final destination” it was not a journey, trip, vacation or tour. It is often a death sentence.
I’ve had one or two cancer scares myself.
I wish we’d stop dressing up stuff like this as something it’s not.
Cancer is a sickness. It’s likely to kill you. It’s horrifically painful
and the treatment’s bad too. The only positive things about it is that you may re-evaluate life or be brought closer to people. It’s not a “journey” or an experience to buy or check off. It’s one of the worst things that can happen to you. We don’t talk about a flu journey or diarrhea journey.
Thank you Sam, I sensed you understood it more than I did. Like pretty much everyone, the cancer word terrifies me. You are right the disease has no redemption and the cure is worse than the disease. I have often wondered if I would choose the cure or not. I think I try to look for hope because of the fear it causes. If it comes my way, what options do I have.
In light of your explanation the OP takes on a deeper meaning. When I read it originally I read it through the lens of a faith crisis equivalent. I did that because I see faith crisis like cancer and strokes – no clear warning if they will happen and to whom. Since your reply I went back and read it, trying to imagine cancer, and I see where she is trying to re start her life with the monster still looming in the shadows.
Again thanks.
I appreciate that input, Sam (really) – but did you read the post? Your comment simply doesn’t match what she actually wrote. Again, she isn’t saying cancer is a journey; she is saying cancer is part of her family’s journey of life – that LIFE is the journey, and that life doesn’t stop for cancer. Surely, you aren’t arguing with that, right?
She didn’t dress up anything as something it isn’t. Honestly, you are criticizing someone for something she didn’t do.
Life, all life is full of changes. Some expected, some sudden, some gradual. It’s part of life and can’t be stopped. So how does one cope with them when they are unwanted changes? The answer seems to vary from person to person. It is beautiful to work on adjusting to the changes in life while knowing that you also are changing in sudden unexpected ways at times. Dealing with it as positively as possible is the challenge I think. She found her way and embraced the change and made the most of it as she could it seems. And that’s a beautiful story of the journey of life. It isn’t about the cancer Sam. It’s about making the most of the journey. It’s hard and people need support in order to find there own path that works for them. The heart of religion and knowledge, emotional faith transitions is finding the path that works for the new situation that allows us to remain true to ourselves but be positive. In this respect the journey for her sours high and uplifts as she comes to terms with things she can not change but change her and finds a way to make it work for her positively. That’s what a journey is about Sam. If we end the journey unchanged, unmoved? What was it for? Making the most we can of a difficult situation is what many dream of but few find the way.
For most my life I believed that a person could overcome anything. I seemed to and gent comforted I made it through situations many didn’t survive. It was t until lately I realized that some wounds go to deep, some things time and repentance ,forgiveness can not mend. Left with a gapping hole that nothing feels, what does one do? I think the beauty of the story lies in that making do with the circumstances we find ourselves in and trying to channel it for good for others. Even if we are never the same again. Even if we could be the same person again, would we really want to after having the experience in life(what ever it was). Would we take back all that we gained in exchange for what we lost(what ever it is).?
It’s easy to say yes, because experiences change us fundamentally. Embracing the change and using it for good unto others is so much harder. Remember one would give up a new understanding and coping that can help others through three journey(what ever it is). Would we still take it back(if possible) and deny the help others can give through there journey?
If one thing history tells us is that the entire universe changes over time. It can’t be stopped. The best we can do is try to enjoy the ride and help others who come behind us. In our lifetime and generations to come. Each adding to the knowledge of before.
Sorry for the ramble. It’s a beautiful story, a beautiful journey, a an experience of positive change. Isn’t that what we try to do here? Sharing in the changes and experiences and how to make meaningful use of them?
She uses the word “journey” several times. It’s an ugly experience dressed up as a “journey” – like putting lipstick on a rabid dog and trying to kiss it. It’s possibly the New Age influence creeping in – they have their “drum journeys” etc. From what I read on the blog post itself, it was no journey either, even if she wishes to euphemize it as such. It was a terrible experience which they tried to salvage the best from.
It’s a “journey” I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I’d sue the travel company.
ps
And yes, it’s not just women who find lumps on their body and get worried about them. I have found at least four on mine – one of them is a so called “benign” growth. I suspect one day it may cease to be such.
We are talking past each other, Sam – completely. As the author, I am putting a moratorium on discussing whether or not cancer is a journey, in and of itself, since I’m sure nobody here sees it that way
and neither did the author of the post. More discussion of the post is fine, but that specific topic is over.
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