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As I looked forward to my first child and going to church and attending primary there as been recent developments in the last 2 years that have jaded that vision. Not the least of which is in stake leadership meetings to double down on children and doctrinaire them at a even earlier age and a stronger church message.
There are several things I have seen since then that took me out of a relaxed position on it into a real alarm.
One of the stronger ones was this.
[attachment=0]ImageUploadedByTapatalk1398714304.822798.jpg[/attachment] It was playing out just how it looks.
The primary kids begin at earth and reach heaven to “win” the game. You move forward if you can be “obedient” and name the consequence for “disobedience” to the law that was hypothetically broken.
I have seen things like this more then a few times since along with other things.
Really? How am I suppose to feel comfortable taking my child to this when I have him? I hate confrontation. I avoid it at all cost but this is way over the line if my son/daughter was participating in this.
How do you approach this? I would have to take them out primary if this continued. I don’t want that, but will not budge on something like this. So the question is, how do you approach things like this in primary?
Is there any way a person can have input politely into this or am I headed for future confrontation that I want to avoid.
I hope anyone has ideas. Please. I need to figure a way now before it comes a issue with a baby in the way. Any help is appreciated. Thank you.
I have spent the majority of the time since i joined the church in callings working with children. Most of the ideas for projects can come from sites like sugardoodle.net where you get fun or crafty ideas to help with a lesson concept. I would take the time to reach out to this teacher and ask where they are getting their ideas and try to learn more about how they approach a lesson. Maybe you will find they are just copying something they just saw off the internet and dont really put alot of thought into what they are teaching, maybe the opposite is true and they really want to drive home an idea or two. I would do this with an air of curiosity and maybe possibly in a friendly get-to-know-you-way. If their approach to subject matter makes you uncomfortable still i would then next approach the Primary President. Tell her your having your first child (hope i got that right) and have some concerns about how teachers are presenting concepts….maybe something along the lines like..you feel the negative is being enforced more than the positive. Maybe the Primary President is not aware and doesnt like it either. Doesnt hurt to ask. I wouldnt just avoid Primary all together. There can be alot good in Primary. Especially the music. I have heard from parents that didnt start coming to church until when their children were much older (and they were converts) that they wish they had started when their children were younger. I would remember too that the majority of learning comes from the home from the parents. Good luck. It can be hard enough trying to keep myself there and digesting what i’m told, i imagine its harder when you have children to think of. F_C, I don’t think I would try to fix this particular case. The game presents a incentive against negative. That’s certainly not my approach. I would far rather present the exact same ‘game’ with a positive incentive way… in other words, what can we GAIN by doing good is far better motivation than how will we be punished for making bad choices. Yet incentive against bad is a valid motivation. I’m not saying I support it or would do it that way, but life is filled with both positive and negative incentives. If you go to college you open up all kinds of career possibilities. That’s a positive incentive. If you get a tattoo that says, “WORK SUCKS!!!” on your forehead, you will not be able to find good work. That’s a negative incentive.
Rather than confront anyone on this, I’d ask to do sharing time, and in my sharing time, I would fill it with why it’s so good to do good. Positive, uplifting, beneficial. Then I’d ask to do sharing time again and I’d strongly consider using the same game board shown above, but change the title to “name that blessing”, and I’d focus on things like how we feel inside when we do good and how doing good helps other people… I’d keep repeating the cycle of asking to do sharing time and then doing an uplifting ST… until the tone of your primary changes. It would be so much more satisfying to pull someone to the side and ask them what the hell they are thinking using fear as a motivator for the Sunbeams. But that’s not going to result in lasting change. Modeling what you want, I think, would be much more beneficial. In fact, if you think about it, telling the primary leaders that their game is bad is negative incentive. Showing an effective approach based on positive blessings/benefits would be a positive incentive for the primary leaders. Based on many of your posts, I think you have much you could offer in this way. You could have a great impact in your local ward. You have to decide if your response to the game you showed is to frown in the direction of the primary leaders or to smile in the direction of the kids.
Thank you. I know it’s difficult for me. For others they may not see it the sane way. But growing up, for more harmful them any physical abuse in my life was being told who I was and what I needed to do. Being forced to not be myself and change who I was to please others. I would rather take a baseball bat to the head again them go through that again. As it has hurt and been far more scaring to me then that. It may seem excessive, but I remember how I felt and feel rather vividly. As such I want to focus on supporting the children(at least mine). With who they are and what they want to do in a positive manner. Ratter then letting others tell my children who they are and what they should be doing. Especially with fear. Be it better or worse I don’t tolerate fear in my presence anymore. Though since I am none confrontational it puts me at in impasse with just conflicting emotions being suppressed. I like your idea although I don’t know how it will play out. It seems great. The last thing I want for my child is to be molded and filled like empty vessel. I’m trying to visualize and conceptualize ways to bring who he is to the forefront before I am in the moment of the situation. I’m not sure I I would undo what gets taught to him with regards to who he is and what he should do, especially at a young age and also with fear tossed. I will try to undo fear as a motivator for him and to interact it to negate the impact. But doing so after he gets home from church is something I have zero practice in. Only that I no longer respond to fear myself. I choose non life over fear. Anyways thank you. It has given me a start for ideas to start practicing in my house before he arrives. I don’t like to make those decisions in the heat of the moment, this I want to be prepared and focus on what works in a positive way for him.
I try to help with adults the best I can with this. Children are a little different. I want to break the cycle that had existed on my family for generations. It’s foremost on my mind.
Much appreciated again.
On Own Now wrote:
Rather than confront anyone on this, I’d ask to do sharing time, and in my sharing time, I would fill it with why it’s so good to do good. Positive, uplifting, beneficial. Then I’d ask to do sharing time again and I’d strongly consider using the same game board shown above, but change the title to “name that blessing”, and I’d focus on things like how we feel inside when we do good and how doing good helps other people… I’d keep repeating the cycle of asking to do sharing time and then doing an uplifting ST… until the tone of your primary changes.OON,
I dont know that F_C can really do this? In my ward only a member of the Primary Presidency can teach the Sharing Time Lesson…and that would be either the President or 1st or 2nd Counselor. We have a rotating schedule where one member of the Presidency takes turns either conducting each session for the younger and older Primary while of the other another member teaches the Sharing Time lesson, the third member of the Presidency acts as a helper for the classrooms. It is very structured. I dont believe you can teach that lesson without being called? The only exception is on Fast Sunday where a member of the Bishopric teaches the Sharing Time lesson.
So, because we “don’t know” if they would accept the offer we don’t try?
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