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My heart feels like has been torn apart. Two days ago I shared with a friend some worries i have. I have been going thru the trials of a cancer scare. I have also been increasingly worried because i have been pulling farther away from the church…last Sunday i got up and walked out of Sacrament because they needed to call up people to share their testimony because the speakers ran short of time and i didnt have anything to share or say. I shared my concerns with a friend who continued for over an hour to text me what i need to do to improve myself. The more they texted the more upset i got. I didnt need a lecture, i needed an ear and an understanding listener. Later that evening their spouse emailed me more suggestions to improve my worthiness. I emailed back a very short polite note that i was going to try to work on things myself and i sent my love to them. The other half got extremely hot under the collar and called me up…yelling at me over the phone for being “ungrateful” and i should be appreciative that they took time out of their busy schedule to send me copies of talks and scriptures that i needed to hear or read. The lecture went on for over 10 minutes and all i could do was sit there, listen, and quietly cry. I know they mean well but it was taken way out of context when i sent the email. Should i pursue a friendship with this family now? Or should i forgive and forget? If someone did that much research to try to help you to stay active in the church, do you think its ungrateful to not take to heart all of their advice? Im really torn and heartbroken right now. I dont know what to do. Any thoughts? It also seems like they dont even consider what im going thru physically and emotionally right now… I think they handled it very wrongly. Its one thing to help someone you feel may be struggling and is awesome for them to take the time to find specific material for you.. but with that being said they can’t force you. That tells me they wanted some kind of praise for their work.. which isn’t right. If it were me I’d stay mutual but definitely wouldn’t confide in them or ask for suggestions because clearly if you don’t agree they’ll lecture you 
I feel for you. I don’t know what to say because I have not been threw what your going threw but I have come and looked at your post a couple of times because I can imagine it has not been easy. My heart goes out to you. Forgive – and don’t talk about it anymore with them. If they bring it up, simply tell them you are working things out and thank them for their concern. They don’t and can’t understand, so don’t put them and yourself in a situation like that one again. It’s not worth it, but it also isn’t worth losing friends – even ones who, thinking they were helping, actually caused pain. The key is that they thought they were helping. They sucked at it, but they tried. Give them credit for that – but stay away from it in the future.
First of all, glad it was just a scare and not the real thing. I had a similarhealth scare years ago. In my case I was grateful “it” was not MS. I was sure worried and stressed with all the health tests going on at the time though! Forgive. Ray’s right – they are at a point where they are incapable of understanding where you are at and are “helping” you in the way they know. They are doing a lousy job at it though. Better to just learn that they are not the one to draw on for the support you were seeking.
Yeah, I learned the lesson the hard way a long time ago. I had a friend that would tell me all their problems. Occasionally they’d get mad at my best efforts to offer advice. I thought I was just trying to help. With time I learned that all they needed was for someone to listen to them and I was happy to do it. I know that my little experience is on the flip side of the coin but perhaps your friend is on a road to a future realization. That’s not to say that you should continue to weather their growing process though. Some people just can’t understand that their brand of help isn’t flying off the shelves. I know it took me long enough.
Forgive… because life is too short.
Old-Timer wrote:Forgive – and don’t talk about it anymore with them. If they bring it up, simply tell them you are working things out and thank them for their concern.
They don’t and can’t understand, so don’t put them and yourself in a situation like that one again. It’s not worth it, but it also isn’t worth losing friends – even ones who, thinking they were helping, actually caused pain. The key is that they thought they were helping. They sucked at it, but they tried. Give them credit for that – but stay away from it in the future.
Thanks Ray and others that responded. Deep down i know that is good advice. It always puzzles me why i lean towards the couple in question when i have questions or am in my “dark period”. I have spoken before about how they have upset me. I know they mean well, but if you could have heard how they yelled at me…it still has me rattled. I know deep down they are fearful i will leave the church. I have come closer than i ever have before in the past few months. I did find one friend to talk to that actually was sympathetic and gave a good ear. I dont know if the stress of my health issues are causing me to stray further from the church, or if stress from the church is causing me to feel overwhelmed with what is going on in my life. I am so overwhelmed right now i dont even have the energy or desire to read my scriptures or pray. I honestly dont know why i struggle so much. I wish i could take a magic pill and be the perfect latter day saint. I just feel like such a failure compared to others i know. And the solutions seem so simple. I think i may finally be on the verge of losing what is left of my testimony. This is caused me such heartache, i cant explain it enough.
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