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I’ve had lots of issues recently as well, if you remember me. Like with not being able to go on a mission because of medical issues, members with other LDS peers and what not. I’m a 20 year old guy, I was born and raised in the church. However, I’m starting to feel the reason I keep getting further and further away from the influences of the church is mostly because of my parents. Especially my Dad. Whenever he talks about Gospel topics, he acts strange and creepy. Or he’s always bringing them up at times when it’s really not applicable and it really just gets embarrassing and what not. Like him asking me what I’ve been reading lately in my scriptures in public isn’t really the most ideal thing for me.
This is something really random as well. But I’m adopted, and my believes that since we’re sealed, I somehow and now biologically related to him and my Mom. OK, I understand what he’s saying a little, but this really offended me and I got very upset by it. While I do not plan on seeking out my biological mother, I am however very proud of who I came from and what not.
Or my parents are incredibly forceful when it comes to church things. Like they’ll make me attend stake conference, stake adult session and what not. Or like we’re on vacation right now, and they’re FORCING me to go to church later today (Sunday) and yet, before the trip, they’ve told me that I wouldn’t have to do anything with them. I’m sure I could say no and all. However, if I did, then they’d start playing the guilt trip on me and complain about how sad that I used to be “so in touch with the spirit when I was little, but I’m not like that anymore”. It’s just annoying. They use that little ploy quite a bit throughout my life, most recently.
Like I usually drink energy drinks. And yes, I know they’re not great for you and it’s against the word of wisdom. But my Mom saw it and started complaining how I used to have a good sense of the spirit and I wouldn’t have done that when I was younger and what not.
Also, my Dad is the stake president. And I cannot tell you how much of his life is church matters. He retired recently from being a state judge, so his time has freed up quite a bit lately. Now he’s just doing some attorney work on the side. So I’ve just felt like the church has been forced on my quite a bit lately. Also, throughout high school I had to grow up with the innocent stake presidents son image, or that people around me couldn’t do wild things because I’d tell the stake president about it. I really would never do that, except people assumed that for some reason.
So basically I’ve been on the rebellious stage recently. I watch R rated movies, watch pornography and drink energy drinks a lot.
I am moving onto University this fall, away from home. So maybe I’ll have a chance to gain a testimony without it being forced on me.
And I really can’t be straight up honest with my parents about this. Because we all know they’d go crazy and make me feel guilty. Also, I am worried it would hurt them quite a bit. Because I have 2 other siblings that aren’t really that active in the church anymore at all.
I just feel like if I don’t get out soon, I’m not going to be active at all. I wouldn’t go another religion either. Just because the idea of religion all together doesn’t sit well to me at all.
Parents who love their kids still can do things that are not ideal and that actually hurt. Just remember they love you. Quote:I am moving onto University this fall, away from home. So maybe I’ll have a chance to gain a testimony without it being forced on me.
Establishing independence as an adult is important, and independence of faith is a major part of that.
Also, patience is a virtue. It’s hard at your age and stage of life, but, if you are leaving soon, patience is critical.
Sounds to me like you’re just growing up my friend. Going to university will be good for both you and your parents. Rebellion is part of this growing process and you’re not committing any sins that you can’t repent of. FWIW, energy drinks are not against the WoW, and the “R rated” language was removed from handbooks long ago to a more general offensive wording. I have seen 13 movies that re far more offensive to me than some R rated – I don’t think it has anything to do with ratings. Hang in there, most have us have gone through very similar things with our parents. And forgive them, they very likely don’t know or perceive that you perceive they are hurting you. I hear you. My advice: 1. Be patient and put up with the church pressure until you go to university. There is an end in sight.
2. Put some distance between your parents when you go to university. Gain that independence. Factor the distance into your selection of the school.
3. Be sensitive to your parent’s feelings while you are close to them; distance will eventually allow you the freedom to be yourself without hurting them.
4. If you find that at at distance, your preservation of you parent’s feelings are seriously impacting your personal happiness, choose personal happiness. Your parents are adults and will have to accept the choices of their children. I have children, and have made that “jump” so far. You were given agency, and they will have to deal with what you choose. But be sensitive to them as you pursue it, as much as possible.
5. I would suggest staying away from the porn. Not for any church reasons, but for how it will make you feel when you have long stretches away from it. An absence of porn is good for one’s personal happiness over the long term Cold facecloths on key male parts are a coping mechanism.
Quote:Like I usually drink energy drinks. And yes, I know they’re not great for you and it’s against the word of wisdom.
??? Yeah, just to echo DJ, energy drinks are not against the WoW specifically. I can understand why some don’t drink them. Individual choice.
Part of growing up is moving from a situation in which your choices are not your own but are unduly influenced by authority figures in your life. As you become an adult, you have to take responsibility for your own choices and their consequences. I’m sure you’ll get there. Some distance from parents is necessary in the process.
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