Temple Recommend Questions

Thanks so much for your reply Ray! I think the reason I felt the need to discuss it is because of my guilty conscience. I have never had questions/problems like this, so it is all new to me. My husband has felt distanced from the church for a few years now, so he’s a lot more confident in his beliefs and where he stands. Meanwhile, I’m just starting out in my journey so it’s hard for me to come to terms with feelings of doubt and confusion. I feel guilty, but because of this forum I’m learning that it’s OKAY to have questions/disagreements/doubts 🙂

Also, I want to say that I love my bishop and have not taken offense from our meeting, however, I do not plan on discussing things like this with him in the future. Thankfully I’ve found a safe place to have discussions because I’m the type of person that needs to talk about things!

My husband and I have spent HOURS talking about it, and I just wanted a third-party’s input.

CM,

It’s a family decision, not up to your Bishop. It doesn’t matter whether you make all the money, your husband makes all the money, or you both make half the money. As a family, if your husband doesn’t want to pay any tithing, that’s a reality you must deal with. The Bishop’s response to you is answer #1. There are other answers. Honestly, you probably just need to explain it better, and not with a question mark at the end.

Now, between you and your husband, I believe that compromise is a good thing. People do it all the time. If it is 10% or nothing, there is zero chance I would even have the conversation with my wife, but we compromise and pay some. If your husband is adamant that you don’t pay $1, then you probably have some unrelated marriage issues you should work through. Money is the most dangerous love-killing topic in marriages. It’s good to get it solved. I can tell you from the standpoint of someone who doesn’t want to pay it and whose wife does, it’s a sticky topic, but it helps tremendously that both my wife and I are giving up something for the other person and neither one of us is getting ‘our way’.

I think it [gay marriage] is a political and a human rights issue, and honestly has nothing to do with our church. I cannot force my beliefs on others.

Quick comment on this. I am with you 100% on gay marriage and I hope our Church will eventually change is stance. However, it’s not fair to say that the Church is forcing its beliefs on others. The Church and its people have every bit as much right as anyone else to have an opinion and express it in a democracy. FYI, the black community in California voted for Prop 8 in higher percentages than the religious right. Do you feel that the black community is trying to force its beliefs on others? There are plenty of things that the Church does that are wrong in this arena, but I do believe that it is trying. For my part, I find that it is much better to recognize that there is a culture that drives this and that I can have influence on the culture, rather than to lay anti-gay sentiments that have existed since the dawn of time at the feet of the Church. I guess what I’m really getting at is that is is healthier to view this issue as one that we can work to solve IN the Church, rather than yelling at the Church that it is in the wrong. The most powerful statement that has been made on this topic is when Steve Young began working for Gay Rights. He didn’t have to throw the Church under the bus to do it, but by stepping forward, he’s made a lot… a lot… of people stop and think that it’s OK to disagree with the Church, and that it can be done civilly. The Church is changing. I feel a part of it.

Hi, and welcome to the forum. You’ve gotten good answers so far and I support what has been said. I do think that if you and your husband can’t reach some sort of agreement on tithing then your only recourse is to pay on your income. My wife and I consider it all “our money” as well, but if the temple recommend is not “our recommend” – hers is hers and mine is mine. If it came to it and I am the one wanting a recommend, I would pay tithing on only my income.

I’m also pretty much with you on gay marriage, and I do not think you can be disciplined for having your own opinion. As long as you are not preaching it from the pulpit I think you’re fine. That brings me back to the temple recommend questions – the best advice, as you’ve already heard, is to simply answer yes or no as appropriate. Nothing else is required or expected and your bishop has no business probing beyond that.

Here are some forum links about the temple recommend questions:

http://staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=5534&p=75813&hilit=temple+recommend+questions#p75813” class=”bbcode_url”>http://staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=5534&p=75813&hilit=temple+recommend+questions#p75813

http://staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5482&p=75372&hilit=temple+recommend+questions#p75372” class=”bbcode_url”>http://staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5482&p=75372&hilit=temple+recommend+questions#p75372

http://staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=5180&hilit=temple+recommend+questions” class=”bbcode_url”>http://staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=5180&hilit=temple+recommend+questions

http://staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3920&hilit=temple+recommend+questions” class=”bbcode_url”>http://staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3920&hilit=temple+recommend+questions

1) As I understand it you each have your own, separate incomes but you wouldn’t consider yourself a full tithe payer (or at least feel like you can answer that question in the affirmative) unless you are paying 10% on your shared income? I’m not saying that’s wrong, I’m just looking for clarification.

The last official statement on tithing is:

The simplest statement we know of is the statement of the Lord himself, namely, that the members of the Church should pay “one-tenth of all their interest annually,” which is understood to mean income. No one is justified in making any other statement than this.

That makes being a full tithe payer a bit nebulous. There’s tithing on gross, tithing on net, and tithing on “increase,” meaning after essential bills are paid. There are people in each of those categories that consider themselves full tithe payers. After all, it’s between you and the lord.

Of course relationships complicate matters. I see being a full tithe payer as an individual thing, meaning your husband pays what he feels is a full tithe out of his income and you pay what you feel to be a full tithe out of yours. That way the interpretation of a full tithe is still an interpretation between an individual and the lord… but that’s just me. Each relationship needs to decide how they will proceed. If that’s been done in a relationship and one (or more) people in the relationship consider themselves a full tithe payer based on the conclusion that they have worked out with the lord then the answer to the question “Are you a full-tithe payer?” can be a simple, non-nuanced “yes.”

2) What is the origin of the question “Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?” I always thought that it was added to the interview and remained specifically to address polygamist groups. Perhaps the definition has broadened of late?

Thanks so much for the thread links DarkJedi! I have spent hours reading through posts on here (since I’m very new) and I searched for more information on tithing and never stumbled upon those specifically. There’s a lot of info to read on here, so thank you! 🙂

Nibbler, if the question is in regards to polygamy then I guess I can answer that question without hesitation. But I wasn’t sure that supporting the legalization of gay marriage meant not being able to answer that question “appropriately.” I overthink pretty much everything, so I felt like I needed to tell my bishop that info and now I wish I wouldn’t have. I go into way more depth and ask questions during the interview, when I really just need to answer yes or no and keep it simple.

I wish tithing was more personal and individuals could decide and council with the Lord on what is considered a full-tithe for their situation. We are all so different and come from such different circumstances. And then there’s the questions regarding net vs. gross and all that.

So can you answer the question with a confident “yes” if you feel you are paying a full-tithe based on what you feel is right? I have always been a perfectionist and I’ve always had to follow commandments to the “letter of the law.” So in my opinion (which is currently evolving) you either pay 10% or you don’t get to answer “yes.” My husband and others I know are great examples of following commandments according to the “spirit of the law” and I’m trying to be more in touch with how I feel about things and not just how I’ve been told my whole life.

My advice is to give the simple answers and not ask any questions or discuss anything. The interview doesn’t require it. If he tries to talk about anything, smile and say, “I have thought and prayed about, and the answer is (yes or no).”

This. When I ask the temple recommend questions I feel it’s my job to ask and the interviewee to answer according to their conscience. I don’t interpret the response. I happen to know my SP feels the same way even though he is much more orthodox than me. If someone says yes or no most bishops and stake presidents will take that at face value. Bishops and Stake Presidents do not necessarily expect anything other than a yes / no and you don’t have to bear your testimony after every question about that topic.

I wish tithing was more personal and individuals could decide and council with the Lord on what is considered a full-tithe for their situation.

actually, that is exactly the church’s official position on tithing. too few members understand that.

So I was telling my husband about this and he said he still wouldn’t feel right in his own conscience answering “yes” in the TR interview unless he was paying 10% because that is what he believes the doctrine of the church teaches. But the church’s official position is that we can decide and council with the Lord and pay what we feel is right? Is there some place I can direct my husband to so he can read up on this more? If it’s the official position is it in the handbook somewhere? Thanks in advance!!!