Introduction

It will be sad if they excommunicate the founder of this site.

just saying.

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Hi SunbeltRed and welcome to the forum. I agree that it is liberating to come to the understanding that there is more than one way to look at things and more than one way to do things. I look forward to your insights.

Yes! That liberating feeling is something I have enjoyed for a while now. When I realized i didn’t have to move people every time someone announced a move in priesthood, when I realized it was my choice whether to clean the chapel, when I realized that so many things I was forcing myself to do, where my choice, it was in fact liberating.

You’ve also highlighted the fact that its easier to love your kids unconditionally when you cast off the cultural shoulds of serving a mission and all the other things “good Mormons” do. The focus becomes on helping family be good people, rather than good Mormons, and they are not the same thing.

Welcome to the site!

Thanks everyone!

Appreciate the warm invite.

Mike – agreed. It does ebb and flow, sometimes the valleys get a bit lower than usual 🙂 I am still deconstructing and rebuilding. It is interesting to reexamine how I thought about many things before from a very different angle. I have been constantly surprised to come upon a previous belief, turn it about, look at it from a different perspective, and wonder how I could have thought such a thing.

Would also be interested to hear some of your thoughts on a few other questions:

1) Any quick advice or best practices for the middle way with small children? We have three kids (6,2,1). I prefer to raise them in the church, I want to give them the best perspective I can, I want to represent church history accurately and softly help them to be their own spiritual guides, but I want to respect their agency and let them come to their own conclusions.

2) And, I do have a stake calling. Not in the Stake Presidency, but I work with them a lot. I think my calling is what caused me to reexamine much of this, wondering if I can represent the SP but also be authentic. I feel like I have been able to reconcile having the calling I have with my new faith paradigm. I am temple worthy, I don’t plan on vocalizing any of the things I share here (although I have been revising messages and talks to sound more literal Mormon, but subtly changed to reflect my views). This may sound strange, but I feel like my calling may give me the opportunity to find and work with those with questions like myself and be able to connect and help them in a way that most active members would not understand or comprehend. I have already been able to help a good friend who shares many of my concerns.

Would love to get your thoughts.

-Sunbelt Red

1) Any quick advice or best practices for the middle way with small children? We have three kids (6,2,1). I prefer to raise them in the church, I want to give them the best perspective I can, I want to represent church history accurately and softly help them to be their own spiritual guides, but I want to respect their agency and let them come to their own conclusions.

2) And, I do have a stake calling. Not in the Stake Presidency, but I work with them a lot. I think my calling is what caused me to reexamine much of this, wondering if I can represent the SP but also be authentic. I feel like I have been able to reconcile having the calling I have with my new faith paradigm. I am temple worthy, I don’t plan on vocalizing any of the things I share here (although I have been revising messages and talks to sound more literal Mormon, but subtly changed to reflect my views). This may sound strange, but I feel like my calling may give me the opportunity to find and work with those with questions like myself and be able to connect and help them in a way that most active members would not understand or comprehend. I have already been able to help a good friend who shares many of my concerns.

Would love to get your thoughts.

-Sunbelt Red

1) Your kids are young – only one is actually in regular Primary lessons and that one is getting pretty basic stuff, although there could be stuff you disagree with. You (and your spouse) are primarily responsible for teaching your children the gospel, Primary is supposed to be there to help you. My kids were older when my FC started and do not know the depth of my questions and doubts, but I do talk to them about things like evolution and literalism of scripture stories as the occasions arise (my issues are mostly not historical). With a younger child there’s probably going to need to be a discussion about blurting out things like “My daddy says Adam and Eve aren’t real people” in class. I do believe that LDS.org is a good place to begin as the children get older – the essays are great and hopefully there will be many more by the time they are old enough to understand them.

2) I also have a stake calling (I’m sending you a PM). I think you’re on the right track – I also don’t vocalize my beliefs, I stick to standard teachings – although I do choose what to teach and not to teach and simply leave out that with which I don’t agree. Innuendo is great in this case. I frequently quote Pres. Uchtdorf, sometimes without actually saying so (like using “It is not that simple”) and look to see who seems to get it. I too, think you can be of help to others, and you should try to find the ones and do so – but be careful. In the cases I have been involved in (and I don’t want to reveal too much here) I do not share my own doubts/questions and I don’t ask the other people to – I mostly assure them it’s OK to have questions and doubts and that they have to find their own answers. I do share with them that I did not attend church for an extended period of time because of my doubts but I also tell them that’s not the answer – I mostly do that so they understand I have been where they are.

Good luck, keep coming back – I really do look forward to hearing more from you. We need people like you here and in your calling.

SD – well said.

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1) Any quick advice or best practices for the middle way with small children? We have three kids (6,2,1). I prefer to raise them in the church, I want to give them the best perspective I can, I want to represent church history accurately and softly help them to be their own spiritual guides, but I want to respect their agency and let them come to their own conclusions.

2) And, I do have a stake calling. Not in the Stake Presidency, but I work with them a lot. I think my calling is what caused me to reexamine much of this, wondering if I can represent the SP but also be authentic. I feel like I have been able to reconcile having the calling I have with my new faith paradigm. I am temple worthy, I don’t plan on vocalizing any of the things I share here (although I have been revising messages and talks to sound more literal Mormon, but subtly changed to reflect my views). This may sound strange, but I feel like my calling may give me the opportunity to find and work with those with questions like myself and be able to connect and help them in a way that most active members would not understand or comprehend. I have already been able to help a good friend who shares many of my concerns.

Would love to get your thoughts.

-Sunbelt Red

1) Your kids are young – only one is actually in regular Primary lessons and that one is getting pretty basic stuff, although there could be stuff you disagree with. You (and your spouse) are primarily responsible for teaching your children the gospel, Primary is supposed to be there to help you. My kids were older when my FC started and do not know the depth of my questions and doubts, but I do talk to them about things like evolution and literalism of scripture stories as the occasions arise (my issues are mostly not historical). With a younger child there’s probably going to need to be a discussion about blurting out things like “My daddy says Adam and Eve aren’t real people” in class. I do believe that LDS.org is a good place to begin as the children get older – the essays are great and hopefully there will be many more by the time they are old enough to understand them.

2) I also have a stake calling (I’m sending you a PM). I think you’re on the right track – I also don’t vocalize my beliefs, I stick to standard teachings – although I do choose what to teach and not to teach and simply leave out that with which I don’t agree. Innuendo is great in this case. I frequently quote Pres. Uchtdorf, sometimes without actually saying so (like using “It is not that simple”) and look to see who seems to get it. I too, think you can be of help to others, and you should try to find the ones and do so – but be careful. In the cases I have been involved in (and I don’t want to reveal too much here) I do not share my own doubts/questions and I don’t ask the other people to – I mostly assure them it’s OK to have questions and doubts and that they have to find their own answers. I do share with them that I did not attend church for an extended period of time because of my doubts but I also tell them that’s not the answer – I mostly do that so they understand I have been where they are.

Good luck, keep coming back – I really do look forward to hearing more from you. We need people like you here and in your calling.

These are also question I’ll eventually need answers for as well. Thanks!

I do share with them that I did not attend church for an extended period of time because of my doubts but I also tell them that’s not the answer – I mostly do that so they understand I have been where they are.

I read your introduction and don’t want to pry too much but do you feel your period of inactivity was beneficial to you? I had my inactive period, it wasn’t due to a FC and I didn’t have a family to consider. But do you think there might be some benefit to taking a break?