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Hello! I’m so glad I found this forum because I feel SO alone. I was born into an LDS family. We didn’t attend church most of my teenage years and I didn’t become fully active again until my early 20’s. After I was married to my amazing husband in the temple, I heard about polygamy. It was extremely upsetting to me. Over the last 14 years I have met with 3 different bishops, who all had different “facts” and advice. I started researching the subject to get my own answers and have now uncovered even more disturbing problems with the history of our church. 
Like I said, I married an amazing man, however, whenever I try to talk about my problems he gets so upset. He says he doesn’t know what to say or how to help me. I know he prays for me and has fasted but I need to talk about it. I’m in our primary presidency and get anxiety attacks the night before I have sharing time. I didn’t fall asleep until 2:00 a.m. Sunday morning! How can I teach when I feel so lost? I can’t do this anymore! I have a 3 month old baby and three other kids I need to be functional for. I want to feel joy and love when I worship. I am a Christian and will remain a Christian, but is there something better, or is this a good as it gets?
Welcome! You’ve come to the right place to be able to “talk.” That feeling of loneliness can seem overwhelming sometimes. We here at StayLDS consider this our other “Ward.” You didn’t say how long you’ve been in the primary presidency, but if it’s been a while you might want to talk to the bishop and tell him you feel overwhelmed right now with the new baby and all and would like to be released. It usually works to say that your family is being neglected because of the time you have to send on your calling, which sounds like the case. There’s nothing wrong in doing that. Most bishop’s will be understanding, and this can give you time to focus on your family and finding out what you believe. For now, it may help to reassure your husband that you’re not planning to abandon the church, but that you’re just seeking answers.
In the meantime, please come here often and share your thoughts and feelings. It’s very therapeutic. Also, it might help to check out past threads on topics that you struggle with. Just about everything has been covered here.
Welcome, I’m glad you found us, too. Many of us here know that lonely feeling when you think there is nobody to talk to. If nothing else, this forum provides that opportunity to safely discuss your concerns and questions. I agree with what Writer63 said – look around the forum, use the search function – polygamy and its place in church history is often discussed here. But don’t be afraid to just ask, either – this is not one of those forums where it’s taboo to talk about things that have already been talked about. I also agree with Writer63 about talking to your bishop about your calling – specially if you have been there for a while. The advice to use the family angle is great, no need to bring up questions or doubts unnecessarily and most bishops are very understanding of the idea you are a volunteer and your family is more important.
There are other sources of happiness other than the church a) becoming something you always wanted to become (and it doesn’t have to be church-wurchy either).
b) good relationships with people, regardless of their faith
c)….name your own.
Church attendance will have you believing that if you aren’t total straight with the way the church wants you to be, your life is in trouble. There are alternate sources of peace. I’ve listed a few…can you name others that bring you joy, happiness, peace etcetera?
I’ll echo DarkJedi’s comment. For one, you’re in a safe place. Two, the advice given to me was to slow down a bit. I’m constantly flip-flopping on where I stand, and I quick decision won’t just cause me harm. When I told my father about my faith crisis he showed me the following article. It may help you and your husband:
http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=3306http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=3306” class=”bbcode_url”> I’m love the paragraph which state; “If they can’t find an open, candid, and supportive place to work through honest questions, that’s tragic,” .
Agaetis wrote:I’ll echo DarkJedi’s comment. For one, you’re in a safe place. Two, the advice given to me was to slow down a bit. I’m constantly flip-flopping on where I stand, and I quick decision won’t just cause me harm.
When I told my father about my faith crisis he showed me the following article. It may help you and your husband:
http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=3306http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=3306” class=”bbcode_url”> I’m love the paragraph which state; “If they can’t find an open, candid, and supportive place to work through honest questions, that’s tragic,” .
That is a great article, Agaetis. Thanks for sharing it and thinking to share it. I really like the list of dos and don’ts, and have referred others to that list in the past.
Mamichka wrote:Like I said, I married an amazing man, however, whenever I try to talk about my problems he gets so upset. He says he doesn’t know what to say or how to help me. I know he prays for me and has fasted but I need to talk about it.
Even though these discussion boards certainly don’t substitute for being able to tell your spouse everything, they can help. Many of us have struggled or currently struggle with the desire to confide everything to our spouses. Sometimes they just aren’t ready to deal with it (maybe never will be). Following the advice of good people here, I have begun to focus on strengthening my relationship with my wife in areas not involving the Church and sharing my concerns and changed beliefs here.
My wife just asked me to walk to the park with her and throw a Frisbee around. I better go practice what I preach!
I can’t speak for everyone. For me, this has been a rough road, but things are slowly getting better.
Welcome. I have no time right now, but I want to welcome you. Welcome to the site. This forum has made a huge difference to me emotionally and spiritually. It’s contributed to a happier marriage for me also. Hopefully you will find some measure of peace here. Mamichka wrote:How can I teach when I feel so lost?
I’m one of the leaders of my ward and I simply don’t teach things I don’t believe in. Rarely I’ll make a caveat along the lines of “this is what the manual says but I don’t really get it and so will focus on something else” and then change the topic quickly. There is usually some aspect of a lesson I do agree with and I’ll focus on that.
One other thing I’ve come to understand while participating here – there is no hurry. Take time to think it through before making a life altering decision.
Welcome! I have felt the same all or nothing before as well, but was able to take some time to sort it out. I will say for myself that the day that I accepted that “I don’t know” about any of this and I will no longer feel guilty that I don’t know was an extremely liberating day. But there is a rebuilding process that has to happen. I am still working through some of that and this site has literally been a God send (which makes me chuckle to write). Some days are up, some days are down. I am in the gray area, but its much more interesting here.
Welcome! Like many on this forum, your story is both familiar and different.
This forum has been a tremendous help to me (and still is) as I have transitioned my faith. Just knowing you are not alone is one of the biggest helps.
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