Parenting poll

I voted for self reliance.

As an aside I don’t think of absolute self reliance as the ideal.

I want my children to be good at being part of being part of a team and building relationships with other people. I want them to be integrated into a community and family.

I am not necessarily a fan of “going off the grid.”

What others said.

The end.

I think I would have probably chosen obedience back in my TBM days. I think my choice of self-reliance was as much a reaction to church culture as it was to character hopes.

If you take the church influence out of my thinking, I still think would have chosen self-reliance. But that doesn’t preclude obedience. In fact, one might argue that self-reliant individuals know when to be obedient — to laws, to superiors at work, to certain societal norms. Otherwise, they lose their independence.

rents are confronted with a fundamental but often difficult task: teaching children the values and regulations necessary to function effectively in society while also nurturing children’s drive to express themselves and to pursue their unique interests and capacities. The central socialization goal is internalization, wherein children “take in” social regulations, make them their own, and eventually self-regulate autonomously (e.g., Lepper, 1983; Schafer, 1968). When it functions optimally, internaliza- tion is beneficial for children’s learning, well-being, and psy- chosocial adjustment. However, because activities that need to be internalised are often not enjoyable (e.g., clean-up, home- work), adults wonder how to encourage children’s engagement in such tasks without negatively affecting their self- determination.

Self-determination theory (SDT; Deci & Ryan, 1985, 2000, 2008) uses the concept of innate, universal, psychological needs to understand human motivation. All human beings have the funda- mental needs to feel related, competent, and autonomous in order to develop and function optimally (Deci & Ryan, 2000) The paramount importance given to the need for autonomy is the core

Rather, autonomy is about volitional, harmonious, and integrated functioning, in contrast to more pressured, conflicted, or alienated. Self-determination theory suggests that children have an innate propensity toward mastery of their environment, and that the internalization of values, behaviours, and attitudes in the social surround is a spontaneous, natural process (Ryan, 1995).

Self-determination theory highlights the role of the social con- text, which can either facilitate or undermine children’s intrinsic motivation and internalization. Both intrinsic motivation and in- ternalization are likely to function optimally when children’s need for autonomy is supported by parents and teachers (Ryan & Deci, 2000a). It is not merely that children can develop well without external pressure and control: external pressure that goes against children’s developmental tendencies can actually have a negative effect on their development.

Self-determination theory is what I choose between authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and self-determination.

I’m not sure how much this has been used or talked about in LDS families though. Anyone know of this or used this theory?

A small section if a 7 page extensive research study.

http://www.selfdeterminationtheory.org/SDT/documents/2008_JoussemetLandryKoestner_CanPsych.pdf” class=”bbcode_url”>http://www.selfdeterminationtheory.org/SDT/documents/2008_JoussemetLandryKoestner_CanPsych.pdf

Although I am more secular in my beliefs these days and would absolutely agree with the need to teach kids self reliance, I often struggle with the proper balance. I come from a very authoritarian home, and I often find myself demanding obedience from my kids as a matter of pure instinct, even when it might be more effective to use those moments to teach empower them with self reliance and problem solving skills. And I do this despite the fact that I personally do not believe that God, if he even exists, would not demand obedience. I’m trying to be brutally honest about myself here. I didn’t vote in the poll because my ideals and my actions don’t always match in this area. Maybe a better way to put it is that my head-beliefs don’t always match up with my instinctive-feelings. I struggle with it.