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I recently went through the TR process after not having one for many years. We often discuss here how the answers are yes or no as appropriate and no further discussion is required or even expected. With the bishop it went exactly that way – he tends to be very business-like and always seems rushed, so no big deal. With the stake presidency member, I also just answered yes or no – he was the one who said lots of other stuff, but not in asking or probing, it was almost as if he was having the interview and was explaining his stances to me. It was interesting, actually. I’ve known the guy for over 25 years, we have served in bishoprics together, etc., so having the conversation itself could not really be termed unusual – it’s just the way it went that I find interesting. Nothing started until the chastity question where he interjected that he thought the question was out of place and perhaps should come later and that if someone was going to be honest in admitting they don’t keep the law of chastity they likely wouldn’t be there to begin with. Good point. I talked to him about the “do” and “believe” questions, and how that one just happens to be the transition one.
He also expounded on the groups opposing the church, and he specifically brought up Ordain Women and gay rights. I let him talk about OW without comment, and he did make note that it was his belief that having the opinion women should be ordained is one thing but protesting and demanding change is entirely another thing, with which I agreed. He said that he is fine with gay rights as long as they don’t try to force the church, or any other church, to accept gay marriage, with which I also agreed. He framed this all in the context of now having something to point out to people who don’t understand the question (previously he and I always said it was about polygamist groups, and I still think it is but didn’t say that).
Then we got to the garments question and the statement they are required to read that I had just heard a couple days prior from the bishop. He thought it interesting they specifically mention yard work, when it wouldn’t seem outside the norm for someone here to mow the lawn in their bathing suits and jump into the pool right after (I have done this in the past but didn’t tell him that). He talked about an example of his Utah brother and his family struggles (all of his daughters are less active, only one married in the temple) and partly blamed that on the example of neighbors who would do yard work in their two piece bathing suits. But then he came around to the last paragraph and said he thought that made it pretty clear that it’s really between the individual and God and it’s not anyone else’s place to judge. I agreed with the last part, and otherwise didn’t comment.
It was almost a “turn the tables” kind of thing, and I suppose I could perceive that he might have been trying to trick me into saying something unorthodox – but I really don’t think he was. My unorthodox views are more with the believe questions than the do questions anyway, and he didn’t expound on any of them.
I’m glad that last paragraph is in the “wearing garments” statement. In my opinion I think the whole thing sounds like somebody’s personal opinion and should not be a formal part of the TR interview process. Orson wrote:I’m glad that last paragraph is in the “wearing garments” statement. In my opinion I think the whole thing sounds like somebody’s personal opinion and should not be a formal part of the TR interview process.
I totally agree.
Sounds like an out of the ordinary interview. There’s lots in what he said that indicates that he knows quite a bit about you but you did say that you had known him for 25+ years. Maybe he knew you wouldn’t consider him an apostate for some heterodox views about some of the questions, so he was able to share things with you he feels he can’t share with most members. If so, that’s cool.
Old-Timer wrote:Maybe he knew you wouldn’t consider him an apostate for some heterodox views about some of the questions, so he was able to share things with you he feels he can’t share with most members.
If so, that’s cool.
I hadn’t considered that possibility, Ray, good point.
Congrats DJ. I am happy for you. :thumbup: Thanks for sharing this. The thought of going to a temple recommend interview causes me anxiety. I haven’t had one for over a decade. It’s good to hear your experience. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Daeruin wrote:Thanks for sharing this. The thought of going to a temple recommend interview causes me anxiety. I haven’t had one for over a decade. It’s good to hear your experience.
I also hadn’t had one for over 10 years. My confidence in answering the questions comes from here, although I will reiterate that I do feel completely honest in how I answer them. I can say I did not feel much anxiety.
Similarly, All the discussion that I have ever had in the TR interview has been about the “Do” questions. One bishop told me that he had turned down a consulting gig with planned parenthood because of their birth control work. DarkJedi wrote:He talked about an example of his Utah brother and his family struggles (all of his daughters are less active, only one married in the temple) and partly blamed that on the example of neighbors who would do yard work in their two piece bathing suits.
:wtf: I really dislike when people bemoan their inactive children as if they were failures… and then blaming the loss on the neighbors yard work attire???😯 Roy wrote:Similarly, All the discussion that I have ever had in the TR interview has been about the “Do” questions. One bishop told me that he had turned down a consulting gig with planned parenthood because of their birth control work.
DarkJedi wrote:He talked about an example of his Utah brother and his family struggles (all of his daughters are less active, only one married in the temple) and partly blamed that on the example of neighbors who would do yard work in their two piece bathing suits.
:wtf: I really dislike when people bemoan their inactive children as if they were failures… and then blaming the loss on the neighbors yard work attire???😯 I dislike that, also, and I was frankly a bit surprised to hear it from him, especially since he went on to say how we wear the garment is our own choice. I suppose in context he could have been saying it’s our choice but it might affect others – but I didn’t get that. It’s also worth noting that he has another sibling, as well as his parents, that live here and the other sibling’s children are also all inactive and without the influence of the Utah neighbors.
FWIW, I’m not planning to run off to the temple any time soon. It’s not that I don’t like the temple, but I don’t feel a burning need to go, either. I got the recommend because I felt a person in my position should have one to add credibility to the message. Quite frankly I’m not sure I’m helping anyone the way I should be. Quote:Quite frankly I’m not sure I’m helping anyone the way I should be.
I hate the word “should”. Expectations so often are unrealistic and damaging.
Of course, we have to try to do/be better to grow – but I just hate the concept of “should”.
You are helping people as you can help them, and that’s all that “should” be expected. DarkJedi wrote:FWIW, I’m not planning to run off to the temple any time soon. It’s not that I don’t like the temple, but I don’t feel a burning need to go, either. I got the recommend because I felt a person in my position should have one to add credibility to the message. Quite frankly I’m not sure I’m helping anyone the way I should be.
I think you are doing miracles. I have the utmost respect for you. The middle way is not easy.
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DJ – You said you are feeling like your not helping people like you should – I wouldn’t bet on it. Every day we plant seeds, some of them grow instantly, like the weeds in my garden – others take years. I read a story about some cashew tree or something, you plant the seed and see nothing for 7 years. No little sprouts or anything. But in year 7 the plant takes off like a rocket. It grows some crazy 12 feet or something. For all you know you are planting rare cashews. The Church – on both sides of the aisle need you – if Zion or anything like that is real, both sides have a lot of healing and growing to do. You are facilitating that, right now. Like wind or water that keeps trickling or brushing rock – you shape rock. You have given many of us hope. Hope that we may be found valuable again. Most of us loved this religion so much and would still love to contribute. To see you selected by a governing leader and asked to be authentic is huge. You are watering my faith – daily.
The Race Ban took many separate individuals, who had no internet, years to get their authentic work done. Look what they did. Did it cost? Yes. But it eventually did what should have been done long ago. You may be just the person to help in your area. I believe in you. I believe in the seeds you’ve unknowingly already planted.
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