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Former Bishop’s, Ward Clerks, etc. Why do we ask the ward clerk to call people in the ward and not tell them what the phone call is regarding. This has bugged me for years. Everyone sits on pins and needles or imagines things that may or may not be. Why do we do this? Even in my TBM days this used to upend me. Life has enough stress and unknowns, can’t we just say – the Bishop has a calling for you, or getting you in for a recommend. I don’t have a proposal for something different but it really annoys and angsts me.
Any thoughts?
mom3 wrote:can’t we just say…
I certainly think they can, and should. There is no need for secrecy, but often it just comes from the administration that a bishop wants to meet, doesn’t tell the clerk why, the clerk or secretary is helping to schedule for a busy bishop but doesn’t know why and so he does what he is told, and probably doesn’t realize the stress or angst it is causing.
I usually know my bishops well enough that when I get a cold request to meet…I just ask them what its about, and they tell me. Or I have asked the clerk, and if they don’t know…I tell them “I am busy but if its urgent, I can try to accommodate. Is it about a calling, or worthiness interview…because my recommend doesn’t expire for another 2 years…”
Usually the clerk doesn’t know, but is willing to find out and get back to me, and i try to assure him I’m happy to meet…just need to know what it’s about.
I remember once it was regarding a very sensitive topic…abuse of a scoutmaster in our ward, and parents of scouts needed to meet…and they weren’t comfortable sharing that sensitive info over the phone. That time, they told me it was for several parents in the ward and it would be explained in the meeting. That only happened once.
In my experience, it isn’t a power trip to manipulate or anything (even though it feels scary), it is usually volunteer and poorly trained administration. And there is no reason you can’t ask.
I’m linking to another thread, not to say “use the search” but because I remember elements of this topic coming up in the other thread. I haven’t re-read the linked thread so it may be mostly irrelevant but it might be worth a quick scan. http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5585http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5585” class=”bbcode_url”> Yep, it usually is a scheduling practice of using someone else (usually the Executive Secretary) so the Bishop doesn’t have one more thing to eat up his time and not sharing always the reason for the meeting. It also is the caller not wanting to overstep bounds and talk for the Bishop. Finally, some Bishops use it (improperly, imo) to keep someone from refusing to meet. I can accept the first two reasons, even though I don’t like them, but the last one is unacceptable to me. Having said that, I agree with you, mom3. I see no reason, in most cases, not to tell someone the purpose of the meeting. I know I always shared that info whenever I was scheduling any meeting, unless it involved an element of confidentiality.
I don’t see a reason for it, either, and I have asked what the meeting is for in the past and usually get an answer. The clerk or executive secretary doesn’t always know, but they are usually willing to go back and tell the bishop/SP I asked and get back to me. FWIW, I schedule my own appointments and I tell the person why I want to meet with them (usually a calling or release in my case). Depending on the situation (and to an extent inspiration I feel or don’t feel), I may give more detail. Other high councilors have had the experience of feeling it’s not appropriate to extend a call during the interview, so if I’ve spilled too many beans I may have set up the person for a disappointment or made them wonder about what they have done wrong. (In such a case we discuss it further as a high council and the SP takes it back to discuss further as well.) I know a few bishops who will say I have a calling I’d like to discuss, but agree that it’s the minority. Having been an executive secretary, people several times have said if it’s a new calling they dont want to meet, so it provides plausible deniability for the clerk or secretary. Not that it’s what the bishop is thinking but it may increase the liklihood of a person meeting with him.
Thanks for sharing. I don’t know that there is any easy answer to it. I get it from the Bishop’s point, the clerks point, and the recipient of the call. It’s a drawback of lay ministry that probably won’t change in our church. It just seems to anti – peaceful, and agitating, but I can’t think of another solution to it. My surprise phone call is in process, the clerk called said the Bishop wanted to meet with me – that makes me uncomfortable – at it would anybody. I assume it is calling related, but with a Bishop there is usually more involved. It’s the more involved I don’t want to get into. I am the only one who is mostly active in my family, my recommend is 4 years past due, and I can’t stomach 3 hours of church weekly right now, so I am hit and miss. I do my calling fully and happily, I don’t say stuff, I am polite, I have no desire to contribute negatively – but I don’t want to be a project. My husband is so done with this church and the church has no idea how many people they hurt when they start doing the “can we help you thing.”
To top it off I am home recovering from surgery, I told this to the clerk, and am not really in a position to make the haul in to see anyone. I barely leave the couch, I have some therapy I attend to and that is about it. So if they need to release me, I told the clerk they could go ahead, but I can’t come visit. The Bishop could email if he wanted to.
That’s where the question came from I loved all your input. Thanks.
mom3 wrote:So if they need to release me, I told the clerk they could go ahead, but I can’t come visit. The Bishop could email if he wanted to.
:thumbup: That works! Well done. I think putting it on your terms is just fine. The church is there to help individuals and families, not individuals and families are there to accommodate the church.
I’m not sure you can always avoid the stress that is created…but you can manage it, like you did. Let us know how it works out.
I generally think that church culture makes us feel more comfortable imposing on each other. I believe that this extends in many directions. We have talked about the extending of callings without consulting the individual and/or leaving people in calling far to long. We have talked about people dropping by unannounced. The examples are endless. We seem to assume that all members have made promises to be of service, bear one another’s burdens, etc. I believe that when we impose we perhaps subconsciously assume that we are just calling in that previous promise. I guess the other part of this is that we really can feel like a close knit community and it is easier to impose on those we know well. I impose upon my immeadiate family without a second thought. Perhaps this also has something to do with it.
I have also previously written about our bishop who asked to came visit us the night before a big ward reorganization. My wife was having significant anxiety because she was set to be released from a high stress calling and she was NOT ready for another one. DW and I rehearsed how we would respond to any potential call (ie bid for more time). Sometimes it seems people get committed to more than they otherwise would because they are taken by surprise and don’t have ample time to consider fully the ramifications. I was quite upset with the bishop. Did he really need to extend the call the night before the sustaining??? As it turns out he was just personally visiting the members of the outgoing presidencies to thank them for their service.
😆 And yet… the secrecy involved caused us an afternoon of fretting.
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