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I feel like the last five months I have been circling the tiger. I let it out of the cage and I have been preparing my traps and spears and nets, but haven’t quite got around to actually engaging it yet. I’ve been reading a lot about it, been discussing it a lot, attempting to understand it but I feel I just need to jump into the fight and let be what will be. This faith transition stuff is exhausting…I’m tired of thinking about it and I’m tired of talking about it and obsessing about it. I just kind of want to make some decisions about what I will do and be and then just let it go for a while. Anyone been in a similar point? Any advice for my fight with the tiger?
What do you feel you want to accomplish? I have felt at times inner tugs and pulls and questions and unrest. Sharing the personal journey with others can force a response, not always what we hope. Making a definitive decision can be premature sometimes if there is more along the journey to discover yet.
Perhaps there is peace in getting it out. But it depends on what you hope to accomplish by it, in my opinion.
Sunbelt – I have no answer, but I hear you loud and clear. I had actually hoped having surgery and deliberate time off would help me come to some conclusions. It hasn’t. I know friends and family who have stepped away – pros and cons exist there. Especially if you have family connected to the church. You won’t really walk away, instead you pick up a different tiger to work with. I don’t know if its any easier or not. Some swear it is – they also live 1000’s of miles from family which helps. Those with closer family have had to set limits, moratoriums and so forth to keep things stable. A believing spouse adds a new element, too.
Keep thinking out loud here or in a private journal. Whatever you decide we will remember you and wish you the most joy, peace and harmony in your road.
I think I just want some stability for a while…I feel very unsettled about what I don’t know and I just want to decide on a few things so I can move forward. I feel like I’ve been standing on the sidelines for a while waiting for things to sort themselves out, but they haven’t really. And I need to get back into a philosophical flow of sorts (if that makes any sense). I know I won’t be able to stop wondering, it is in my nature to wonder. That won’t go away. And I don’t mean about continuing to go to church. For example – what is my belief about God, about Jesus, and Joseph Smith. I need a working definition for myself…I haven’t quite decided yet but I think I should.
Make sense?
Yes, that makes sense. I had to come up with my own definitions for each of those beliefs, as well. For me, it’s still a process that’s happening, but my personality is the type that adapts pretty easily to big changes, so it’s not like having a tiger in the room. In that sense, I don’t have much advice except to do what you think is best for you. The forum is here for you, though. 
Yes. Makes tons of sense. 🙂 I don’t think there is a wrong answer. Just follow your heart, what is it telling you. Make a decision and try that on for a while, see how it feels, how it impacts your life daily. Allow yourself to let go of what you “should feel” or “do” and just go with what you believe.
Making a choice on what you believe is not a permanent thing.
I’m curious where you are at right now after taking initial time to think about things. You don’t have to share, but I’m interested in what you believe in:
1) Does God the Eternal Father exist?
2) Do you have a testimony of the Atonement of Christ and of His role as Savior and Redeemer?
3) Do you believe Joseph Smith, Jr. was a Prophet of God?
(don’t want to thread jack you…you don’t have to respond if you don’t want to)
Heber13 wrote:Making a choice on what you believe is not a permanent thing.
+1
What you are saying sounds incredibly familiar. An unquenchable obsession, wanting to just “move on” but not being able to let go. Wanting to put an end to indecisiveness, wanting to accept the change – whatever that change may be, stop dodging and move in a direction and find out what lies on that path, quit delaying or even quit what feels like procrastinating following this new path… if only to figure out what that path actually is.
Maybe I’ve put words in your mouth, those are some I’d use to describe it.
I will say that the itch died down with time. I had to let the fire burn up all available oxygen before it started to die down. I had to get to a place where the obsession burnt me up. I eventually got tired or even bored with the obsession.
I’m not completely over it buy the way, but I feel like I’m striking a much healthier balance than I was, say 6 months ago. Hang in there, it gets better.
SunbeltRed, I don’t have a perfect answer for you, but I thought immediately of this poem my daughter wrote a few years ago. “Imagine If”( http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3098&hilit=imagine+if I think coming to grips with the nature of life as a journey that is searching in nature and never ends might be the key. I know it has brought me peace.
Sunbelt red, Specifically do you mean deciding between staying and leaving the church? Going to a different church? Staying at church but being openly authentic? If this is your quandary, I echo what was quoted above, that making a choice on what you believe is not permanent. It’s okay to give one path a try. You will be somewhere different a year from now. (Kind of like rebound dating.)
From personal experience, I chose to admit to myself that I don’t have a testimony (even though I hadn’t studied everything out very far) and admit that to people close to me, but find a way to go about church anyway, authentically. It brought inner peace, but lots of external turmoil. Not sure I could’ve done it any other way though. And I was much less thoughtful of what I was doing than you are. I did it without thinking about it.
I also echo what Ray said about life being a journey of never ending searching. Wherever you feel like standing that brings you peace and happiness, you still have the freedom to investigate and move somewhere else.
Beat of luck.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Heber13 wrote:Yes. Makes tons of sense.
🙂 I don’t think there is a wrong answer. Just follow your heart, what is it telling you. Make a decision and try that on for a while, see how it feels, how it impacts your life daily. Allow yourself to let go of what you “should feel” or “do” and just go with what you believe.
Making a choice on what you believe is not a permanent thing.
I’m curious where you are at right now after taking initial time to think about things. You don’t have to share, but I’m interested in what you believe in:
1) Does God the Eternal Father exist?
2) Do you have a testimony of the Atonement of Christ and of His role as Savior and Redeemer?
3) Do you believe Joseph Smith, Jr. was a Prophet of God?
(don’t want to thread jack you…you don’t have to respond if you don’t want to)
Hey Heber, I don’t mind sharing, I haven’t been shy in expressing my views here in the past. I am pretty Agnostic on most of this.
1) I think something exists. I have no idea what it is, but I don’t think it interferes very much.
2) I do not. I believe Jesus lived, that he was at the minimum a Prophet (closer to a low Christology view) but I personally have never had a witness or felt a closeness to Christ or the idea of Christ as Savior. (It feels heretical saying it out loud, but it’s just how I feel). I have prayed at different points in my life for a testimony, and have never received anything that I can say for sure was an answer. I don’t trust my emotions which makes the whole spirit thing a bit tricky. I don’t deny the idea or concept, but I personally don’t have a testimony of it.
3) I don’t know…I tend to believe he had an experience that helped connect him to the divine (lots of other people were having similar experiences at the time…but I have a harder time with a lot of the stuff that came after that (see…it’s still not very clear in my own mind. I still have my own paradox’s to deal with).
I hope that is not too far out there for this site.
startpoor wrote:Sunbelt red,
Specifically do you mean deciding between staying and leaving the church? Going to a different church? Staying at church but being openly authentic? If this is your quandary, I echo what was quoted above, that making a choice on what you believe is not permanent. It’s okay to give one path a try. You will be somewhere different a year from now. (Kind of like rebound dating.)
From personal experience, I chose to admit to myself that I don’t have a testimony (even though I hadn’t studied everything out very far) and admit that to people close to me, but find a way to go about church anyway, authentically.
Not planning on leaving. Just trying to get on a path that will allow me to start to progress again. I like that what I believe today may be different in the future. I like that flexibility very much.
If that’s too far out there, SBRed, I think quite a few of us are too far out. I agree with and understand everything you said, and have very similar thoughts. I do feel as though I have some testimony of Christ, but like you I don’t trust my feelings (because I have been betrayed by them) and I really have nothing beyond a desire and hope to believe. Likewise, I feel good when I read the First Vision account, and I believe Joseph Smith – partly because he endured quite a bit in defense of it when all he had to do was flee to the frontier and set up a farm if that’s what he desired. The bottom line here, and you already know this, is that you have to come up with your own answers and understandings – mine work for me but not necessarily anyone else. Do know that we are here to give you our perspectives and thoughts, though, to help reach your own understandings. I don’t think we have to believe it all – but what is most important to me may not turn out to be what’s most important to you.
Quote:I hope that is not too far out there for this site.
Absolutely not.
Quote:I hope that is not too far out there for this site.
Sounds like you’re doing just like the rest of us have and are — thinking things through and determining for yourself what beliefs you can find peace in.Guess what — you don’t have to act immediately. No one is going to run you over if you don’t decide now. Take your time. I took me about 1-2 years of discussion to decide what my new relationship with the church would be. And it’s still changing. It goes in waves — there are times of relative peace when no one is expecting anything of you, and other times when you have to make decisions…. SilentDawning wrote:you don’t have to act immediately. No one is going to run you over if you don’t decide now. Take your time.
nibbler wrote:I will say that the itch died down with time. I had to let the fire burn up all available oxygen before it started to die down. I had to get to a place where the obsession burnt me up. I eventually got tired or even bored with the obsession
I would agree with both these ideas. It may feel new to us and even something urgent that needs to be told to someone, or decisions made, or changes so others treat us different…and yet…just like wanting to make a decision to buy a car when you’re emotional about it…it is sometimes good to give it time before making an emotional decision when emotions tend to change over time. Rationally and logically, are there pressing reasons to make a change?
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