- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
Really feeling bummed out about church today. 1.There was a reorganization at church today[and many of the people in our home ward thought we were getting a new bishop. Current Bishop has driven the ward into the ground, with Sacrament meeting down to 40 from over 100 — and not due to demographic shifts. Several families of stalwart members showed up hoping he would be released and a new era would begin. Two families we knew (good families) showed up ready to oppose any calling of the man if he was released as Bishop and then called into a Stake Presidency.
Net result — no change. I was saddened as my son is now YM age and I could see myself running activities in my home ward provided they were non-doctrinal. The horror stories I’ve heard about the micromanagment and leadership abuse from our home ward Bishop deter me from that.
Also saddened that the leaders at the top were made aware of the problems from several people over the last four years, and there was even an audit from SLC that confirmed the problems, yet our SP has done nothing.
He claimed he didn’t know about the problems when one of the anchor families in our Ward approached him recently. I saw texts from a former counselor to our Bishop who shared the concerns years ago, and called the SP’s claim of ignorance “BS”. The day reinforced my belief that the organizational church as a non-caring institution — part of my world view at the moment.
2.
A person I work with is now in the SP. and knows more about my situation through observation and scattered conversations here and there over the last 5 years. He’s in my home almost weekly these days. So my cover is completely blown to the Stake Presidency. This friend is opinionated, although a decent guy. Just feel crappy that my situation is so well-known to the local power center. He’ll be loyal to the church before he’s loyal to me. Keeping my options open was one reason I could keep my mouth shut at church. I feel like that option is gone now that he’s in the power center of our home stake. There seems to be no reason to stay in the closet. 3.
Our new SP is a former military man,and will bring a penchant for manual-thumping into the Stake. He spoke and came across as a real hard-nut, and he looks like a hard-edged general. He reminded me of a SP who told me to stay home from my mission due to financial concerns, and was a real jerk in his delivery of that decree. So it looks like we have to keep up the uneasy peace with the Bishop in our bootleg ward in a different stake. It’s working, but its full of tension. 4.
The former SP member who dragged out my release as HPGL years ago spoke. It was all hard-line Mormonism. It was about letting stubbornness, our personal opinions, our defiance of church culture, and other things incurring disfavor from God. That if you don’t accept local leaders you don’t sustain the prophet. You can’t sustain the prophet, and not sustain local leaders. All guilt and organizational loyalty stuff. I see now why he was so negative toward me when I asked for a release years ago. It was the “church member as employee” model again. 5.
Later, my wife asked me to watch a church produced video on the life of Joseph Smith, ending with his martyrdom. All I could think about was how the writers described any conflict with non-members in Illinois and Missouri as a result of “fear” on the part of the non-members. That was the only reason they gave for the persecution. The movie writers didn’t address the fact that JS was brought up on charges as a result of destroying a printing press, or the details of the underlying conflict between Mormons and non-members that led to Hans Mill and other persecutions. It reminded me of the new essays and how JS likely had intercourse with teenagers and other men’s wives. As my wife sat in spiritual tears watching the story of JS, I sat there feeling betrayed that our church is so untruthful with us about its history.
I was really hoping that the reorganization would create a path for my family to re-engage locally at some level, and based on what happened today, that ain’t happening.I am somewhat new here, but I am very sorry to hear that things didn’t improve. I hope somehow things will change even though at the moment they look like they took a turn for the worse. “Sunday will come….” I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a hard time. I can empathize, I’ve gone through a spell of very difficult Sundays for several months now. I’m convinced it must be a test. 
Maybe your #2 can work out to be a net positive. Maybe the relationship you have with the new SP can help him soften up, help him develop more charity towards people in your situation.
Sorry you had such a bad day SD — those are definitely tough. Hopefully things will improve for you soon. I am sorry, SD. I have been incredibly lucky in having fairly decent church leaders throughout my life, but I can’t imagine I would be strong enough to stay if I didn’t, at least in the past and currently. Unfortunately, this is just an example that the church is very much different from people to people because of people, and not all of them are that great. Quote:He reminded me of a SP who told me to stay home from my mission due to financial concerns, and was a real jerk in his delivery of that decree.
Wow, that is so sad. When I told my bishop about my financial concerns, he promised he’d collaborate with my home ward bishop to find financial help, and they did. Many people in leadership positions in the church just don’t have the social skills and accepting attitudes we typically expect of people in religious leadership.
I am really sorry for such a downturn in your church experience.
Hang in there SD. I know it’s not an easy situation, I appreciate that you are making your best effort at it. Also, does your friend know that makes you nervous he might tell the SP? Do you have a good enough relationship that you could approach him and ask him to keep things to himself?
SBRed
I have no advice, but I am sending hugs. Deep, sincere, hugs. SunbeltRed wrote:Hang in there SD. I know it’s not an easy situation, I appreciate that you are making your best effort at it.
Also, does your friend know that makes you nervous he might tell the SP? Do you have a good enough relationship that you could approach him and ask him to keep things to himself?
SBRed
He knows:
a) that I have suffered from depression and that I’ve had trouble forgiving local Ward members.
b) that I consider myself unorthodox, and he’s probably wondering what that means. Knows I don’t hold a TR and have tithing concerns.
c) that I no longer wear garments [he has given me the “look” up my shorts when I sit down in casual settings — makes me chuckle to even read that, but I’ve noticed it a ton of times when members look at your legs when you sit down in shorts, or when you wear a low cut t-shirt. He’s also told me my bare skin was showing when I popped a button on the front of my shirt.]
d) that I have substituted community service for my priesthood service as I no longer feel the LDS church is necessarily the place where one must put their time.
e) that at this point in time, I attend with an attitude of “presenteeism” – there, but disengaged.
I already did ask him to keep that stuff to himself when he asked me questions about why I wasn’t the HPGL, TRholding active member I was. But at that time, he was in a different Ward with a Ward calling….now he’s right in the power center of the stake. Not sure he can keep that stuff to himself in that position.
He also blew off the last part of an important meeting with a client yesterday, for which we were paid, telling me it was an “emergency”. I believe it was related to being called in the SP given details surrounding the meeting, and the church’s willingness to saddle members with high profile, time consuming callings on sometimes, only a few hours notice. Plus, the day previously he’d agreed to a contract that would take us away on a Sunday because “he was free of any hefty Sunday responsibilities”. He would normally tell me the nature of the emergency, but this time, kept mum about it. He is loyal to the church, and I’m pretty sure personal loyalty to myself falls as a distant second to his loyalty to the church. The meeting was a case in point.
I believe this coming out to the stake president through him, if it happens, may be the final apron string cutting with my emotional remnants of the church. Which in the end, could be a good thing. I still feel some affinity for the whole church leadership thing, the opportunity to apply management theory there, etcetera. I think this experience will help me get over it as I’m pretty sure they will never call me to anything I find interesting and challenging given what he knows.
Thank goodness the world provides unlimited opportunities to serve, and has far greater capacity to help a person develop the skills they want to develop, on their own terms….not so in the church yet.
Quote:Wow, that is so sad. When I told my bishop about my financial concerns, he promised he’d collaborate with my home ward bishop to find financial help, and they did. Many people in leadership positions in the church just don’t have the social skills and accepting attitudes we typically expect of people in religious leadership.
That is what I would have expected that SP to do 25 years ago – help me figure it out, not encourage me to quit. When he didn’t try to help me, it was my first glimmer of knowledge that the church can be more interested in its own success than the success of its members. I don’t think much about it anymore, but the SP who spoke sent chills up my spine.
Wishing you peace, SD. Sometimes I think the church is organized in a way so that change happens and people are placed to work with or around others who give us challenges so we can practice our religion.
I feel for you.
SD we’re all here for you. This is one of those times where having a lay ministry really sucks, because you get stuck with absolutely horrible leaders! And since you’re not supposed to attend any ward/stake except the one you live in, it makes it so much worse. Sometimes I wish we could be like other churches and attend wherever we want! Heber13 wrote:Wishing you peace, SD.
Sometimes I think the church is organized in a way so that change happens and people are placed to work with or around others who give us challenges so we can practice our religion.
I feel for you.
I heard J. Golden said “some are spares and some are flats”
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.