Ziff’s Funny ‘Nacle Comments Roundup

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Oh, my.

I love people with a sense of humor. Makes life so much more fun.

The funniest are the times people aren’t trying to be funny…I totally believe this about Provo police reports…

couples calling 911 because they don’t know how to have sex on their wedding night

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Surely you can’t help but be proud of this one:

Angela C.:

Pornography has been creeping into the regular sessions a lot in the last few GCs. The topic, that is.

OMGoodness hawkgrrl! So funny! I love them all and just got through 2010. This one was especially memorable in ’10 about 3/8ths down on the page. LOL . .

Latter-day Guy, commenting on Aaron B’s post “Barfing for Jesus” at BCC:

My favorite story along these lines comes from my brother’s mission in Ukraine. Short version: his comp was experiencing the thunder down under. (Public restrooms in that nation are apparently as common as gold plates and holy grails.) That evening they try to get to the house of a member in the area, so as to use their facilities. The poor kid has to stop every couple of dozen steps or so in order to encourage his sphincter to keep fighting the good fight. Finally, they arrive at the member’s house, ring their apartment bell, and see the lights click on upstairs.

“It’s too late,” the companion says, furiously attacking his belt and fly.

“What are you talking about!? We’ll be inside in ten seconds, and you can use their bathroom. WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”

“It’s too late.” And it is. Conversation is ended as he takes an explosive––nay, cataclysmic!––dump on the front steps. He rummages around in his bag and finds a Joseph Smith pamphlet (sorry, Joe) to try to clean himself off with.

By now they can hear footsteps coming down the stairs inside.

“Run.”

“What?”

“RUUUUUNNNN!!!” he yells, hiking up his drawers after a final effort at defiling the pamphlet. They arrive at their apartment later, and burn that poor Elder’s garment bottoms.

That week at church, they listen sympathetically, and try to comfort a member family that was the victim of a disgusting anti-Mormon prank. Apparently some hoodlums left LDS tracts on their porch, covered in human feces. The elders teach an impromptu Sunday school lesson on adversity, and all are edified.