MP lesson on working with inactives

I have a few thoughts

1. Active members need to be cautious about writing off concerns as “he got offended” and then moving on. I’ve been labelled that way at certain times, and it only minimizes the depth of what I’m feeling. It makes the active membership seem heartless and uncaring when life experiences that left me sleepless for many nights, and that caused me deep suffering. are written off with this three word sentence.

2. Be patient and kind. And avoid judgmentalism. Tell the story about the lady who showed up at church occasionally smelling like cigarettes and asking, once, if a person can be kept out of heaven for drinking a cup of coffee. The Ward judged her, and then a while later, she died. Her non-member daughter appeared at church and asked to hold her funeral there. She told the Ward that the woman was a devote Mormon, but her husband was abusive. He smoked, and it was all in this woman’s clothes. And the Sunday she asked about coffee — her husband, a mean person, told her he wouldn’t give her the car to go to church unless she drank a cup of coffee before she left. Help people see that the outward appearances are often now what they judge them to be, and that often, there are a huge quantity of life experiences which put what seems to be contrarion behavior in a different perspective.

3. Focus on service. I remember during my first less active period, someone came over to my house and helped me do work around it. Although I was feeling very disaffected, after he left, I felt like I wanted to go back to church. Be a warm blanket, a fire and a warm meal, and not a cold prickly judge of people who aren’t active at the moment.

4. Think seriously about whether you want to engage in what I call “hit and run” activation efforts. I find them alienating. Particuilarly if after the attempt doesn’t produce immediate results, the activator leaves and you never see them again.

We had a Stake President come to our home to talk to us. We were flattered at first, that he had taken an interest in us, and agreed to have him come over. But later, after I tried to connect the dots, I asked if there was a GA coming down — and sure enough, an Apostle was coming for a Stake Conference in a couple weeks. This was the obligatory “minister instead of administer” visit so he could report to the Apostle.

If you’re going to take it upon yourself to activate someone, then make sure you’re in it for the long haul, and work at it without any expectations the person will come back.

5. Don’t ask people if they want their name removed when they give contrarion opinion or seem stone cold. Sure its nice to have clean records, but it sure can alienate people even further when someone appears to just give up on them like that. One Bishop coached us to do that when we were “cleaning up the Ward records”. And then he didn’t even process the removals — which looked even worse for the church.

6. Make your programs good. People spontaneously come back to church — focus on doing the work of the Ward well so when people come to church, they feel they are part of something fabulous. There is nothing like being a part of a Ward where lessons are well-prepared, activities are well-planned, the Spirit is present, as they make the sacrifices seem worth it. The fruits of the gospel in the lives of the active members are perhaps one of the greatest motivators for less active people to re-engage with the church experience again.

I could go on and on, but when/if I fully re-engage with the church again, I will have a much different attitude toward less active people than I did as a traditional believer.

I like SD’s suggestions. I’d make a slight amendment to #2.

It’s easy for us to see how we shouldn’t judge others when we realize that our assumptions were incorrect. That is a good place to start, but from there it might be helpful to get to a place where we cease to judge others even when our assumptions are correct. How inviting are we when a person actually is smoking or drinking? People that do have WoW issues are judged or at the very least they feel judged and either one can prevent them from coming to church. It’s sad that their “sin” prevents them from going to church while everyone else in church is just as sinful, the only difference is that a lack of WoW adherence is harder to hide.

I think our community can come across as judgmental (or is judgmental, take your pick) when we visit members homes and only ever talk about ways to get them to do something they are not currently doing. This goes along with SD’s #4. If every time we show up at someones door it’s always to find out how their efforts to quit smoking are coming along and why they aren’t going to church is it any surprise why people feel judged? We’d be better off if we created a come as you are environment but we often project a come as you were or worse yet, come as I want you to be environment (Nirvana).

I really do like SD’s #4. We have way too many ulterior motives in our activation efforts in the church.

#1) People can sense that. Who wants to be a project?

#2) It can lead to burnout. I’ve visited 100 times and they still haven’t come back to church. I quit.

I am also beginning to realize that spiritual answers don’t often come through prayer, Bishops or SP’s. They come from compassionate interpersonal relationships.

+1

I am a huge proponent of 3 Nephi 18. There are key verses, from Christ himself, about inclusion about everyone – including non-believers. It might help to add them.

Not to be negative, but this issue with inactives has so many spokes on it, that simplifying it is impossible. It also makes understanding impossible. Right now the culture war of our church only adds to it. Good luck Dark Jedi. I will pray, and search for you.

I have more thoughts if you like. I won’t write them unless you want. It’s a novel of thoughts so I will wait before clogging up the thread.

Please do share. The lesson is a week from Sunday. So far I think I will start with a very short version (2 minutes) of my own story focusing on Pres. Uchtdorf’s Oct. 2013 address as a key turning point for me and emphasizing “It is not that simple.” I may throw in a few other quotes about it being OK to question. I’m thinking of playing the video clip of Pres. Uchtdorf’s “stop it.” Being offended is probably not the real or only reason for inactivity

I want to include (hat tips to each of you):

– (prayerfully) assigning HT/VT who understand agape love, and assigning them for the long haul

– avoiding showing interest without followup and/or just to reactivate (and when no interest is shown, not abandoning)

– not making anyone a project or part of a program

– sincere, loving service

– no sign on the door about testimony height

Too often reactivation is focused on telling people what role the church should have in their lives. You can try asking: What role do you want the church to have in your life?

*like* :thumbup:

I do need to come up with a nice way to say the “all in” church doesn’t work for everybody (and said in a way that’s acceptable to the orthodox group I’ll be working with).

Why does the church persist with the offense myth?