Discouraging Incident

I don’t mean to be cavalier about this, but that’s just how lots of people think – not just in the LDS Church, but everywhere. It could have been, “People who aren’t successful at work just don’t work hard enough” – or, “People on welfare just don’t budget well enough” – or any number of other examples.

People who are the most comfortable in religion tend to be that type of thinker – and it will always be that way. We have to accept that we are in the minority and always will be in that regard – and not kick against the pricks, so to speak. Easier said than done, I know, but it is what it is.

I know this is a serious subject, but Ray’s post reminded me of a funny Internet thing.

[img]http://33.media.tumblr.com/678cfb95c063383b69fbed5653bed56d/tumblr_n3ucvoAmIh1r43jo7o1_250.gif[/img] [img]http://31.media.tumblr.com/2b3454ed4e9e9ec1bebde871f29bfa2a/tumblr_n3ucvoAmIh1r43jo7o2_250.gif[/img]

In another note, one of my goals on my upcoming mission is to be as open and non-judgmental as I wish others to be. It’s definitely a slow, slow process to turn this ship. Like DJ said, though, we really won’t be able to change anyone ever, so I love that you’ve asked advice on how to potentially respond to someone in this situation, MJ. Many people in our church don’t think when they speak, because they assume everyone else believes the same thing, so speaking up carefully may help others be more mindful of their assumptions. Hopefully. ^^’

Boy am I glad I wasn’t in the car then, I would have produced a down spout of disagreement second to none.

In my life directly the opposite happened, because of if I often think about Job – you know the guy who did everything right and lost everything. In truth I haven’t lost as much as Job, but I was a fervent scripture/prayer lady. Diligent calling fulfiller, full and generous tithe and donation payer, frequent temple attender and more – then some Jr. High School teacher gave a class assignment on Joseph Smith’s polygamy. So you just never know.

However, I too hear it a lot as the quick and easy answer. My Bishop is fond of saying it. I just nod and whisper “Bless Your Heart.”

I am proud of your restraint. You Go Girl. Seriously.

I’ve been very discouraged and unsettled the last few days. I had an experience on Sunday that, though small, has really upset me and I can’t stop thinking about it. I went visiting teaching on Sunday pm. My comp is the RS pres., a kind and generous person, and my good friend, but she’s a very black/white thinking member. All the sisters we visit are either completely or mostly inactive, although they’re always welcoming to us.

The sister we visited on Sunday rarely comes, but always has a good attitude about the church. I’m sure she wouldn’t miss us for a minute if we never visted her again, though. She has a daughter who’s 18, and she never comes either. While we were there, this sister told us a beautiful story about her and her daughter that had to do with prayer and healing. It was very uplifting and made me feel better.

When we got back to the car, my comp said, “I hope they learned that they just need to pray more. When I see people go inactive or leave the church, it’s almost always because they don’t pray or read the scriptures enough. Doing those things is so simple and answers every question and doubt.” I was so shocked that I couldn’t say anything. I had actually thought about opening up to her a little about my situation, but that slammed the door on that.

The reason I’m so upset is that I know most of my other friends in the ward agree with her, I just didn’t know she felt that way, and she’s the RS pres. That tells me that people who are struggling aren’t going to go to her for help because they’ll be “shot down” so to speak. This reconfirms to me that even though there may be miniscule changes in the diection the church is heading, it’s going to take a long to time to trickle down to the local level.

I wish I’d had the courage to respond to her that night. If I had, I’d probably be a ward project by now though. I may say something to her once I’ve had time to think of a way to answer that that won’t freak her out. I’d love any advcie on that.

With all the uproar in the bloggernacle about JD, Bill’s post on W&T, and this incident, I feel like I’m almost back to square 1 in my FC/FT.

I really identify with this whole post – similar situations I’ve been in, reasonable guesses as to how others will react, outside events coloring my thinking. But maybe you’re unsettled because it’s actually a defining moment in which certain fears are cut down to size and you’ll speak your mind with confidence (and consideration) next time.

I identify with this too…

I would respond in this way…

It’s amazing how simple things seem on the surface…but at this point, I don’t think we know enough about their background to be sure it’s as simple as prayer and scripture reading. As President Uchdorft said, it’s often much more complex than laziness, sin, or neglect.

******Here I’d tell a quick anecdote about someone who appeared uninterested in Church, and how you later found out the reason — a much deeper reason than the person would share openly….there are tons of stories right here on STayLDS that you could quote without sharing who it is or where it came from. Make the point, through the anecdote, that often, there is more under the surface that helps explain behavior than we often realize*****

Then I’d follow up with something like “I’m glad you listened to the Spirit and didn’t share your initial impressions of what that family needs…so at least we preserved their belief they can continue to open up to us about their spiritual feelings. I was actually touched at their stories of spirituality and healing…”

Hopefully this is a soft way of “teaching” your companion about the dangers of simplistic judgments based on limited knowledge, a quote from a GA, and clear example, and a backhanded complement about staying quiet about her potentially dangerous, and in my view, judgmental assessment of what the family should be doing.

You’re right — don’t open up to her…but show her a deeper path to understanding and reaching out to less active folks.

Thanks for all the great responses. They’ve helped me be more clear headed and less emotional about this. I’d been feeling like “what’s the point? Things will never change, and I’ll never be free to express my true self.” Now I realize there’s still hope, but it’s going take so much longer than I want (or maybe even need) it to. I’ve been at this a long time, and it’s hard not to get discouraged.

It also makes me glad that I didn’t say anything at the time. If I’d said what I was thinking, I don’t think we’d still be friends, and I’d be on “the list.” :crazy:

Excellent post SD! I think the key going forward is to be prepared with well thought out responses for these situations. Maybe I can be part of “turning the boat” instead of just getting p’d off when something like this happens.

…even cutting off my comment.

I had one of those shout over me to shut me up moments recently. I was making a perfectly innocent comment (I know, I know, but seriously it was). I’m not going to get into any arguments, life is too short. Sure does discourage me from wanting to participate though… or even attend the lessons for that matter.

Turn the other cheek. That’s not me admonishing. Imagine someone saying that as they let out a deep sigh.