Marriage troubles

Sorry to hear the troubles. I know how hard it is, and it doesn’t have anything to do with church or the gospel. It’s life and it’s hard and you have to make hard choices.

Sometimes you don’t get a “no pain” choice. You just have to choose which pain is the most promising for your future.

I recommend you get on the Internet and google “Borderline Personality Disorder” and educate yourself on relationships with personality disorders.

You can only take so much for so long and then you need change.

Whether it is the relationship with the church or your spouse, you have to learn to find healthy limits and boundaries, how to have trust and commitment, and realize that although you never thought you could lose your testimony or separate from your spouse, life has a way of humbling us and teaching us we have less control over our situation than we think.

But you always have a choice on what to do.

God bless you, my friend. I can empathize. It is hard.

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Please think back to a time when life didn’t seem so hopeless. While it may be so hard now, it won’t always be like this. I too have had fleeting thoughts of just ending it all, but for me the guilt of leaving my children without a parent is enough to make me change my mind. Honestly, I have heard that many of us think of suicide at some time in our lives, but if you are dwelling on those thoughts, or making plans, I beg you to talk to someone. You don’t need your wife’s permission to seek counseling. Just get it on your own, for your own sake.

I know marriage is hard. This isn’t my first time around, and just last week I was making plans for how I would manage should I have enough of this marriage. And believe me, last week I was very close to leaving. Divorce isn’t the end of the world. It isn’t a walk in the park, but sometimes we have to admit that the marriage isn’t working. I believe that divorce is a better option than suicide, every single time. It sounds as though you are living with mental and emotional whiplash. All I can say is hang in there, tomorrow may be better, and if you have children, they need you. I know because my children don’t have a father. He died a few years ago. Every event that should be happy is bittersweet because he is not there to share it. I don’t tell you that to make you feel guilty, but to let you know how much a dad matters, even when he is not perfect.

You matter. I understand the feeling that prayers aren’t answered, but you matter. To your parents, siblings, and if you have them, mostly to your children. Don’t give up all your tomorrows because today is crappy. It won’t always be crappy. For what it is worth, I will send good thoughts your way. Know that you are loved by many, and life will get better. And get professional help. It can get you through the dark times.

Do go get help. Sure you will be able to “show her” if you commit suicide, but there will be SO much pain. If for no other reason than your son.

And I know a bit of where you are coming from. I prayed for decades for my marriage and I have come to the conclusion that my wife has mental issue and that is the core of our issues. She will not do anything about it. It sound like your wife has serious issues also, but you are taking all her venting as you being at fault (that is easy to do as those are the words she is using). Sure I am not perfect, but it took the 4th therapist that I went to (she only has come to one and 1 visit to one other) that I was doing by and large all the right things. Sometimes it isn’t your fault, but you need help for you. I am seeing a therapist now for no other reason than my mental health. It has helped tremendously!!!!!!!!! Go do it!

Do check and see if your company’s health plan includes anonymous counseling. I have found several do. Take advantage of it. Do it today!

The more and more I’m hearing that divorce is better than suicide, the more I’m convinced that suicide is better than divorce. There are millions of couples who actually do make it through life without getting divorced. Some of them even happily. What do we have to do to be one of those?

Seriously, if God’s bound and determined to not let that happen, and if my wife is bound and determined to hate me and leave me, then I’d rather find a dark corner of the universe where no one can hurt me ever again. I can’t do that and stay alive.

Life is not okay.

Suicide is better than divorce.

Seriously, you need help. Go get it. Suicide is MUCH worse than divorce. I’ve been through it and have come out the other side happier and better than I was.

GO GET HELP!!!!! PLEASE!!!

I remember reading in the book of mormon about how Nephi took his family and followers and had to just get away from the toxic environment around Laman and Lemuel and followers.

Sometimes, we have to move or change,and sometimes God is telling us that.

Divorce is much better than living in hell.

Sometimes our lives have to be completely shaken up, changed, & rearranged to relocate us to the place we’re meant to be.

I wrestled with God for years on how to avoid divorce, and wondered why He would not help save my family and keep us together. Until a day I felt inspired that divorce is better than many other alternatives. It truly is.

It can be survived. The hurt and pain can be survived.

But you may need help through it, it is not easy to do alone. Call someone, get some help through this. Send me a PM, talk with us online, call a hotline, find a therapist.

Having been in a similar place as you, I promise you that it is much better afterwards, and my divorce has liberated me, and my kids are doing wonderful with shared custody.

You are not given trials above what you are able to bear, and God’s plan allows for alternatives we did not think were possible until we learned from it.

I’ve been through a divorce. Yes, it can be difficult to go through but life does get better.

Your life will get better, in ways you can not currently imagine. Give it time.

Find people you can talk to.

If you want to talk privately, send me a PM.

So clearly I’m not going to get the help I’m looking for from this forum. I posted this hoping to get some help to save our marriage. Instead, I’m getting a whole bunch of people trying to convince me of the lie that divorce is okay. I can tell you I’m certainly not going to go to a therapist if that’s what they’re going to tell me.

So I guess the only thing to do is what I’ve done every other time we’ve had a meltdown – ride it out and hope things smooth over somehow.

But if not, I guess I’d better be prepared to put my money where my mouth is and actually take my own life.

Because the way life is is not okay.

And it’s not okay to say it’s okay.