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Welcome squarepeg. Many here feel your pain.

I have worked though many issues with history and leaders. It almost always comes down to lowering my expectations – as in these are just people and most are just doing their best. But compared to my TBM’ish days (I can’t say I never had some thoughts in the back of my head) I had to lower my expectations of leaders – dramatically! And for much of it I actually have been able in my heart to say that I forgive them and I can stay in the church (maybe not fully comfortable). But my biggest issue that I can’t seem to get any peace on is the irritation on how much (especially upper) leadership pounds the “follow the prophet” and “we will not, we can not lead you astray” when the only way I can get past the past is to admit they can – and not just can, but DO fail.

I want to give a sacrament meeting talk and say:

There is a quote that “Catholics have a doctrine that the pope is infallible, but Catholic’s don’t believe it. Mormons have a doctrine that the prophet is fallible, but Mormon’s don’t believe it.” I have to remind myself that as I listen to conference that it is quite possible that incorrect items, or at least things that are incorrect for me and my situation, are given over the pulpit. It is my moral duty to take what I hear to the Lord and get a confirmation on it or I am relying on the ‘weak arm of flesh'”

How do you think that talk would go over? I might not have to talk again for a realllllly long time

Not sure what to tell you, but I do envy that you have your spouse to converse with. That helps, but I think if my spouse was were I was – I think we would at least be taking a break from church. The biggest issue would be if any of my kids decided to get married. I might still go once a month to fill in the “active attendance” checkbox.

I’m a 2 hour girl, too, even though I am physically there for all three. I can’t do more than 2 mentally. I swear I try. Some people leave. Other people stay and leave mentally.

Welcome. You sound like a great person and you are lucky to have support from your spouse – a luxury many of us lack.

I found that separating the gospel from the church was very helpful. I can live and believe basic gospel principles and ignore much of the other “stuff” added by the church.

I’m a two hour guy. I think there might be some support for two hours in the upper echelons, but I think it may take a revelation to a future president for it to become reality. Other than SM, I don’t really care what the hours are.

One of my difficulties is that my peer group are the stalwarts of the ward and stake. Whenever I point out a different perspective (VERY rarely–as I’m pretty deep undercover) the reaction is one of dismay and sugary sweet regurgitated response, ie, “which way do you face?” There are so many things that are very popular to SAY in the church, but at the same time very UNPOPULAR to do: Put family first, pray to receive your own confirmation, it’s okay to doubt, take responsibility for your own spirituality, etc… I have many non-LDS friends, but I do still value the friendships of long time member friends–my doubts would cost me those relationships I’m sure…which is terribly sad.

Hi, SquarePeg – I’m glad you’re here, and boy, do I identify with your situation. When I stop and count noses here in my early 50’s, almost all of my friends are active LDS women. The cost of leaving, and even the cost of staying more honestly could be very high. We’ve shared a lot of honest talks over the years, and it just won’t work for me to pretend from here on out. There are better and worse ways to be authentic, and people here have lots of good advice about that.

You’re super-lucky to be on the same page with your husband, but you already know that.

It’s been devoting more time and emotional “resources” to my non-LDS friends, too. Not really because I picture myself leaving the church, but because I used to ignore my impulses to spend time with them and serve them because I was too busy….with church work! :crazy:

It seems the more I study, the more confused and conflicted I become. For now, I’m in the process of making my pro’s and con’s list in the hopes that I will be able to stay in the church, on my own terms. It is so difficult having to question and rediscover literally everything I’ve ever been taught through a new lens. I have always had a problem with polygamy, and felt that I could be an accepted and fellowshipped member while being totally opposed to that “doctrine.” However, my new concerns are far less popular and I have to be pretty much silent to continue.

Welcome to the site. Staying on our own terms is an important point of view for me too. Hope we can help as you are on your journey.

Welcome to the forums, Square. I don’t have much time to do more than a quick welcome, but I’m glad you’ve found us, and I’m glad that it sounds like you aren’t alone in this and at least have an SO who can sympathize. Please don’t be a stranger; we don’t have all the answers, but we can certainly talk over all of them and maybe help provide a few perspectives.

My faith awakening began about 2 years ago…

I like “faith awakening”…that’s a good way to put it.