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I know one of the narratives that is strongly pushed in the church is that if you start questioning the church or reading non-correlated materials that your life will become unhappy. Is there some (maybe mid to short-term) truth to this? I think for many there is some truth, but not the way or the why TBM’s believe it to be.
I heard of one person saying that once they found out about “all the historical stuff” that it was the hardest time of his life with the one exception of loosing his wife to cancer. It made me think about that narrative.
So the common scenario is someone is happy in the church and by and large a TBM and for whatever reason they come across some disturbing history. They go try and find the “real” story, maybe going to FAIR, and they may or may not get their issue resolved, but they then see another issue or two. As they work on those they are exposed to even more. Before long they are in a FC. And to the friends of the (former?) TBM notice that he/she is very upset and angry – just what the narrative says will happen. The friends assume this is because the devil has a hold of their heart and that is why the spirit has left them and now they are just angry.
I may be stating the absolute obvious, but it just hit me the last day how well the narrative seems to fit and tends to keep others from really digging into the real issue.
I could read materials about anti-buddhism and I imagine it would make me sad. Not because I’m buddhist, but because I’m reading negative material. I have tried to search for truth by taking a balanced view. I read the anti and just hear bashing, not really any uplifting new ideas. So after a bit of it, I have a feel and don’t find it good for me.
Dan Brown’s books don’t make Catholicism look good, nor sends a good message about organized religion, but it isn’t necessarily learning new truths. It’s just a story.
Others who have left the church have their story.
But i don’t think that means I can’t explore things outside of correlated material or i have to stay on LDS.org. I just have to approach things by seeking goodness and truth and what helps me, and stay away from stuff that doesn’t help me.
To your point about if others see me and think I’ve fallen into the hands of the devil, or my mind has become darkened, or whatever….that is just about them and how they perceive things. I’ve had several experiences on this exact thing. Others see what they want to see.
I suggest you focus on good books, and things that enlarge the mind and soul, wherever you can find that truth. Seek light and knowledge.
It does make you sad. Just like reading about how as spouse had a shocking history before marriage and didn’t tell you, like thinking you married Rachel, only to find you are lying next to Leah the next morning, like breaking up with a girlfriend after you find there are incompatibilities. It’s really not much different — it’s the separation it causes, and the dislocation of the truths upon which you relied to structure your life.
Frankly, I’m glad the internet has exposed the truth about the religion I latched on to in my early twenties. It’s not too late to regain lost years, and you can bet my time will be invested in things I truly find fulfilling and speak to my conscience in the remaining years of my life. No more chasing less active people and cleaning up Ward records, endless chair-setting-up, drives across town for meetings with unstated agendas which may, or may not edify me, or which may not edify anyone else by my presence.
I look back over the last five years of my commitment crisis, and I don’t regret the time I’ve invested in other things. They have been truly rewarding and have given me this sense of confidence in my self as a leader, business person and visionary in temporal organizations that I simply did not have in the church.
And I feel free of the fear that God will smite me because I am not doing things the LDS way in all aspects of my life. So far, he hasn’t, and by all counts, my life is still good.
It takes a bit more than just reading anti material, it depends largely on how you react to the new information. Not Buddha wrote:Change is never painful, only the resistance to change is painful.
Does exposure to new information bring about change in our lives? If so is it a change we were expecting? Is it a change we initially welcome?
I compare FC events to partaking of the forbidden fruit. Eyes of understanding are opened. The process can eject us from our pre-FC world. There’s no going back to the way we were before. The world before us can appear lone and dreary at first. It takes time to discover the joys and the pains that our new world has to offer… but the experience is front-loaded with the painful experiences. We might be open to deeper sorrow but that experience can open us up to experiencing greater joys. Etc.
Growth hurts. I bet a snake (not trying to be allegorical here) feels really uncomfortable shortly before shedding its skin. Ok, so a snake [in the grass] isn’t the best thing in nature to convey the point. Insert your best butterfly emerging from a cocoon analogy here.
There’s a quote I read on this site recently that goes along with all of this but I can’t remember enough of it now to dredge it up from memory. It was something similar to:
Helen Keller wrote:Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Change nearly always hurts but pain alone isn’t an indicator that the change is a net negative experience. I guess my point is that to an outsider
anychange might appear as a negative experience because the visible short term effect of change is often pain. A bystander can’t see through the eyes of the sufferer to realize that the pain may be taking the person to a better place. Heck, even the sufferer may have to walk blind until perspective is gained. LookingHard wrote:TBM notice that he/she is very upset and angry – just what the narrative says will happen. The friends assume this is because the devil has a hold of their heart and that is why the spirit has left them and now they are just angry.
I’ve had a few “Job’s friend” experiences but they were all people telling me that the reason I was so sad (by their estimation) was because JS wasn’t a prophet and that I wasn’t Christian
I think this is an area where Middle Wayers can help a lot. If we can not go around all mopey, sad, angry, scared, or antagonistic it will help move the myth out. It will take a while but I think it’s happening bit by bit, the lessons, talks, etc that middle wayers are giving are peeling make the mystique. I was visiting my family this summer and my sisters ward was doing the Pioneer Sunday thing. One of the speakers, a lady got up, and started with the intro of being asked to speak on the pioneers and she then said, she loves reading the Exponent blog, and kept right on going using pioneer stories from the site. It was subtle but I knew a ton more about her in those 2 words, and she was happy, unafraid and a middle way dang proud.
Both sides need us. We all cling to Bushman, Givens, etc. To use Ray’s terminology we can spread water down the rows.
I do have a cousin who read Fair and everything unraveled, so even churchish material can get you.
I have (like many) occasionally read some of the anti-Mormon literature as well as some of the reactions to that literature. What struck me was how angry it all was. A kernel of truth would be wrapped up in so much bitterness and contempt along with hyperbole and innuendo that it was hard to see what the truth was. I used to read some of the articles on FAIR and the Maxwell Institute particularly those addressing some of the antiMormon positions but found many of them overly disdainful and condescending in their approach. So I stayed away from them as well. I come to StayLDS for a more balanced approach to these issues and more civil discussions. The way many people discuss things here is, for me, the perfect balance between mindless adherence to gospel principles and hostile criticism of the LDS Church. Gerald wrote:I have (like many) occasionally read some of the anti-Mormon literature as well as some of the reactions to that literature. What struck me was how angry it all was. A kernel of truth would be wrapped up in so much bitterness and contempt along with hyperbole and innuendo that it was hard to see what the truth was. I used to read some of the articles on FAIR and the Maxwell Institute particularly those addressing some of the antiMormon positions but found many of them overly disdainful and condescending in their approach. So I stayed away from them as well. I come to StayLDS for a more balanced approach to these issues and more civil discussions. The way many people discuss things here is, for me, the perfect balance between mindless adherence to gospel principles and hostile criticism of the LDS Church.
Well said, Gerald. These are my experiences as well.
SilentDawning wrote:It does make you sad. Just like reading about how as spouse had a shocking history before marriage and didn’t tell you, like thinking you married Rachel, only to find you are lying next to Leah the next morning, like breaking up with a girlfriend after you find there are incompatibilities.
It’s really not much different — it’s the separation it causes, and the dislocation of the truths upon which you relied to structure your life.
I agree with this. The more central the part the church formed in your life the bigger the sadness. It is a real grief process.
Roy wrote:SilentDawning wrote:It does make you sad. Just like reading about how as spouse had a shocking history before marriage and didn’t tell you,
like thinking you married Rachel, only to find you are lying next to Leah the next morning,like breaking up with a girlfriend after you find there are incompatibilities. It’s really not much different — it’s the separation it causes, and the dislocation of the truths upon which you relied to structure your life.
I agree with this. The more central the part the church formed in your life the bigger the sadness. It is a real grief process.
I read an article somewhere in the bloggernacle. The writer compares Leah and Rachel to his wife, as in, the single person he married. She is simultaneously Leah and Rachel. We all want our spouse and our church to be Rachel, but there is the unchosen, the unpreferred in all aspects of our lives….was his proposition in the piece. I thought it was kind of interesting.
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