Undecided

I can echo what dj said, take it slow. You’re at a good place even if you want to go back, you can determine your activity level and if asked to hold a calling simply say not right now if that’s what you feel. I am a convert too, and have had some of the same concerns, we’re not alone. Redefine what all these definitions we’ve made, what a prophet is, what the church is. It will help. Welcome!

Welcome to the forums, sue. There are many great resources here regardless of where you are in your faith journey. Like the others have said, it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing thing with the church. You can say no to callings, and know that it is perfectly okay to do so, even when some church leaders try to pressure or guilt you into changing your mind. You don’t have to go to every meeting every Sunday if you aren’t comfortable with it. You don’t have to believe everything someone in the church has said, because there surely have been many instances when someone, even prophets, have said things that years later were denounced as just opinion.

My best friends are inactive Mormons and former Mormons. I know their strong feelings against the church, but they are very respectful of my decision to stay, and we have found much spiritual common ground in some of our shared beliefs (granted, I am a very unorthodox believer, and a couple of them have also been my sounding boards while going through my faith crisis and faith transition, so what have you). My only advice there would be that your faith journey is your own, and the advice or opinions you receive from others shouldn’t be pressuring you into one system or another. We’re allowed to believe what we want, even if we recognize there are problems with it, and if your friends are at all aggressive towards that, then you may need to kindly ask them to respect your beliefs. That doesn’t, of course, mean you have to believe everything. Many of us here have accepted the reality of some of the less-tasteful aspects of the church, but that doesn’t meant we agree or condone them.

The problem many members have is that we put the church on a pedestal and expect it to be perfect, because that is, in short, what the church believes. In reality, it isn’t black and white. We all have experiences that differ from the “norm.” I find the temple a fascinating insight into the religion, but I have yet to have any significant moment there besides feeling grateful for the relative silence. Sometimes, we never receive the textbook answers to our prayers. We have the opportunity to figure out things on our own rather than letting other people hand us the answers. That can be a very great blessing, because then you are responsible for your own beliefs, and that, in the end, tends to make them much stronger, more personal, and more worth it in the end.

I hope you are able to find the peace you are searching for. We have a variety of viewpoints here on the forums on so many topics, and we’d love to have your input and questions and concerns as part of our dialogue.

I do not believe in the divine nature of the church at all. I think Joseph made it up from top to bottom. That being said I still find some value in the organization. I must admit to some degree they have a good thing going. And many people find great value there. I do not think that value comes from God but from the members themselves. So I attend fairly regularly. I get frustrated at the lessons, I roll my eyes at some of the talks, but I like to socialize and for the most part the people accept me for who I am. It is good to belong to something.

So if yo are willing to do the church totally on your terms and shed any guilt it can be an OK place to be. Of course I would strongly advise against letting your true feelings be known. You can be a bit of a contrarian but do not slip into the apostate role. That gets you shunned

Then one night a friend did call and her first question was “are you going inactive?

Your post just hit home in so many ways. I told a LDS friend that I was really not sure which way I was going on my faith journey. But it looked like I I was moving further from the church. She invited me out to lunch. We talked, ate, did some shopping .. Just had a wonderful afternoon together. At the end, she looked at me, and said, “We have had such a great day. It has been so much fun spending time with you. You got your testimony back. Right? Didn’t you?” While I thought I was out having fun with a friend, she thought she was fellowshipping me. I walked away feeling emotionally and socially robbed. She didn’t’ understand that my problems are with doctrine and history. It wasn’t a state of loneliness.

Hi, sue :wave: Glad you’re here.

So i dont know why im here. Do i want to stay? Do i want to leave? Im not sure. I do know that i have serious doubts about Joseph Smith.

I think everyone here can understand why you’d feel this way, even if they don’t. It’s a very safe place to talk.

I’m not too sure anymore about garments. And im absolutely lost on what i feel about the temple. I have never had a significant experience in the temple.

The temple is a mixed bag for me, but I’m open to better experiences in the future. I wear garments when I choose to, and don’t plan to discuss it with anyone.

I have started to hang around people that are anti mormon and i think they are feeding into my feelings at times.

My only thought about this is that hanging around people who are first and foremost “anti” anything might not be a good idea. People who only tear down and fight against aren’t good company. (That’s also why I don’t like people in the church whose whole reason for being seems to be to bemoan all the wickedness in the world.)

My question is this…if i pray about this and im still confused…what do i do? Do i swallow down the hard parts of the church i dont like or believe in and keep going?

Lots of people want you to “shelve” things you don’t understand instead of rejecting them outright. It often seems like a sneaky way of saying that we can never reach personal conclusions, that we always have to accept on some level everything the church teaches, even if we shelve it. I don’t see it that way.

But i know if i go back i will be asked to fill another calling, be asked to speak (i absolutely dread that because i dont believe in alot now), and they’ll want me to stay and attend all the meetings.

There’s no getting around the fact that we’re a lay church and there’s lots of work to do, and it’s how we get to know each other. I think people probably won’t push you too much if you’re really clear with them about what you can handle. (Sorry if you already spoke to this and I missed it. Seems like they would just be happy to have you there at all.)

There’s a lot of good advice here, but the piece that’s always useful to me is to focus on what I do believe. “Find your own watering holes,” like the Givenses say in The Crucible of Doubt. Read about what interests you. (As a cathartic move I went through my bookshelves and got rid of a bunch of books and manuals that simply don’t interest me anymore.)