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Anyone got any experience of running an SA group? I just made it under the bar – I got married two months before my 31st birthday. 
I don’t have direct experience, but I really like the philosophy of our current stake SA leadership. Recognizing that many don’t take part in SA activities because they aren’t looking to get married (usually again), the leadership, with the blessing of the SP, has turned the organization in our stake into a service group. They do all kinds of little projects both for the church and for communities. They offer themselves as baby sitters during some meetings and kitchen crew at some dinners. They sponsor firesides and do all the arranging, setup, refreshments and clean up. I think these things have given them new purpose, they appear to enjoy themselves, and there isn’t any pressure to dance with someone to find a new spouse they don’t want in the first place.
No, but I did mention in my interview when being asked to be on the High Council that we do a really bad job with the SA programs – particularly in infantilizing them by making them have a married couple in attendance. I like the redirection DJ mentioned – or anything else that adds meaning outside of marriage.
I’m a YSA, and TBH I rarely if ever go to my YSA ward’s activities, because it always seems like no matter what it is, there’s that subtle push towards pairing off and marriage. If more YSA (and eventually SA, when I get there) groups and activities made it clear the emphasis was on service, then that would be much more appealing. Also still YSA. What a tough place to be in, as a member of this forum and not 100% in but not out either. Honestly it’s one of my biggest challenges right now. SamBee wrote:Anyone got any experience of running an SA group?
My wife and I were assigned to a YSA branch and served for about three years until I retired. I was the clerk and my wife was a visiting teacher and generally tried to support the women. The president had councilors that were called from other wards in the stake plus there were two other couples called to just be there. EQ and RS were staffed by the kids and they did a pretty good job. My wife’s concern was what was mentioned about infantilizing them by having married adults there to watch and pick up the slack. I was in what back then was called a single adult ward when I was in med school and the only married adult was the bishop. I can understand about branches now to stop the flood of 25 year old high priests but I never understood the idea of having married couples assigned. The kids could have been counselors and clerks and gotten some valuable experience but the decision was made by someone higher than my pay grade and IMHO it wasn’t a good one.
I thought about this some more in relation to Sue’s comment. I think I understand Sue’s frustration. As I recall there was a time when there when there were three groups of single adults – the YSA, an intermediate group, and the senior citizen types. I don’t recall why they were combined except that I can see in an area like mine that having the three groups is a bit unfeasible. Like Sue mentions, the majority of the SAs in my ward and stake (other than the YSAs) are widows/widowers and a few never marrieds who are 60 and older – and don’t necessarily desire to be married (or mostly married again as it were). There are advantages to being single, after all! Granted there are likely quite a few in the 30-40-early 50s age range who have fallen away from the church, perhaps because they don’t feel a part of it due to their single status – and I get that, too. So, some of this depends on where one lives and the demographics. I think in my ward/stake the above described role of the SA organization works well because even if they did have a dance there would be few dancers – there is a necessary critical mass (and I know there is some experience with that in my area). What about joining with other stakes, you might ask. I live in our stake center, the next closest stake center in any direction is 1.5 hours away (of which there are two, one north, one south). The next closest after those are 3 hours. Is that possible? Sure – and there could be a critical mass, but who wants to be involved with a relationship when the other person lives 3 or more hours away? How does a relationship like that develop into a marriageable situation?
On the other hand, I can see that if Sue lives closer to the corridor or perhaps on the US west coast it would be possible and reasonable to have more strictly social activities. I recognize the church does work toward less programming and requirements as opposed to more, but perhaps in areas that could support having separate age groups (or perhaps interest) that idea should be reinstituted.
I have some idea of where SamBee lives and I’m wagering that critical mass may be an issue there.
Here is a blast from the past. This was the organization when I met my wife. The M Men & Gleaners.
http://www.keepapitchinin.org/2009/08/20/master-m-men-and-golden-gleaners/ Sue, that is why I am open about the fact that I believe a happy marriage to a non-Mormon is better than lifelong, unmarried celibacy – especially when we do temple ordinances for couples who weren’t sealed in this life, including when one of them was a member and the other wasn’t. Thank you for your responses. My main problem is with the age range. I’d like to marry and have kids, but there is an unspoken assumption older YSA are off limits while someone twice my age isn’+t… SA needs split into two.
That said my main aim is for folk to enjoy themselves, not just marriage market.
P.s. Thankfully our ward is civilized. I HT bishop – he’s married a single mother and my HT companion has remarried as well after divorce. Bishop’s also okay with members marrying non-members.
Okay I’ve got two problems. Firstly, SA here has been a flop bar the first week. I felt a loser on Monday, was only one turned up.
Secondly, I’ve got a thing for a girl in YSA but she is dating a good friend, I almost never get the chance to get to know her, and don’t want to make a fool of myself. Also while there was an age gap between my own parents not sure how people would view it. No idea what she thinks of me. She seems a fine woman though. (I haven’t told a soul about this.)
That plus the aspect that I want children but my career is a dud, and I can barely chat up women let alone appeal to them.
Oh Sam, never miss an opportunity to make a fool of yourself. The girl may surprise you. Mike has a good point. The dating world is all about putting yourself out there for possible rejection. It can be terrifying. I can laugh at my rejection stories now but at the time they were bordering on traumatic. Sometimes I would need to take some time (weeks even) to recuperate and gather my courage to try again. It is almost like a process of trial and error. I came to know 1000 women that were not right for me in the search for the 1 that was. (actual number of women dated may be less than 1000.
It can help to know that women can be just as frightened.
Roy wrote:Mike has a good point. The dating world is all about putting yourself out there for possible rejection. It can be terrifying.
I can laugh at my rejection stories now but at the time they were bordering on traumatic. Sometimes I would need to take some time (weeks even) to recuperate and gather my courage to try again. It is almost like a process of trial and error. I came to know 1000 women that were not right for me in the search for the 1 that was. (actual number of women dated may be less than 1000.
It can help to know that women can be just as frightened.
Boy – don’t we all still feel the pangs of rejection even with decades of distance.
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