Heber13 update

OK…this month has been even more miraculous to me.

March 2nd my boss tells me they are moving my position to Australia, but they are not moving me to Australia (get the hint?). I need to start looking for a new job. 4 days later, a job offer comes in for me in the town that my girlfriend lives in, in Montana. In fact, she is a nurse in a hospital…and the job is in her hospital. The offer was a good one, financially would really help our family.

I could not shake the feeling that God was pushing me towards goodness in my life. The timing of events (not just once, but multiple times) seems way too coincidental for me to explain as random chance for my situation. This woman I met on an LDS site is kind, caring, struggling with her testimony in church, and has shared similar experiences from her first marriage that I have (minus the jail time). Could God be putting me in her life to help her, could he be pushing her to me to help me…are we good for each other? How could we both be so perfect for each other and found each other in this big world at times when we both needed each other? Or does stuff just happen?

This is where I get to decide the story, and what to believe. But yes…I believe God’s hand is intervening and giving me opportunities to survive this life. He didn’t seem to intervene to help me help my mentally ill wife (at the time), or to help keep my family together and protect my kids from divorce. I don’t understand that. At times I thought I needed it most, I felt alone. Then, when I stopped believing God cares about me, or even if he is there, small little things happen that make me want to believe again.

2 weeks ago, I asked her to marry me…we are engaged for a June wedding. We are not interested in a temple wedding yet. She has issues with the temple. I love her more for that…as we are both healing from our prior experiences and temple sealings to people who were destructive in our lives. We don’t know how to make sense of the church rules on allowing me to be sealed to more than one wife, but she has to have her sealing canceled…yes…it is polygamy being taught in the temple and we both hate that. So…we are getting married outside the temple, just as I would want it for now. She is so perfect for me. She loves the church, but hates some of the things leaders and ward members did and treated her during her divorce…so she keeps church at arms length but has a faith to want to believe and share it with a husband some day…and now…that will be me.

In a week from now I will start a new job, prepare for a wedding, and start integrating families and kids (she happens to have 4 kids, same exact age as my 4 kids…like they are all within a couple months of each other…we just have had so many similarities on our lives it is fun). It will be a Brady Bunch scene.

There are challenges ahead. But I think they are survivable. I’ve survived so far.

I have faith that God is aware and lets things happen. I can’t explain some of the experiences I’ve had and the timing of some blessings…and when I can’t explain it…I use my faith and thank God for them. I don’t know what else to do. But I have no expectation or confidence to know when God will do something, and when He won’t. I just roll with it. And I plan to be active in a new ward where I can be me and my unorthodox, heterodox testimony. And if they don’t accept me, I’ll no angst about stepping away. My life is mine…with or without the church.

I wanted to share that with all of you. I’m getting remarried, to a mormon, outside the temple and she has a wonderful perspective that is perfect for me.

In fact, we’ve found the location of a Buddhist Garden in Montana we want to be married in. We have asked my friend, an ordained minister who is Presbytarian, to marry us. We told him,

“We’re two mormons asking a presbytarian to marry us at the Buddghist Garden that sits on an Indian reservation in Montana. Will that work?”

He said, “That’s crazy! I love it.”

That is my story up until now. I’ll be super busy the next month. Will try to stop in and keep moderating, but wanted to share my events in case my participation is light.

Thanks all. My belief in God is a choice. Good things have happened, horrible things have happened. It could be that no God exists but I like believing these things happen for a reason, or it could be God is there and allows me to be alone and allows things to happen. The church history, teachings and doctrine are one thing for me to process…but life experience is another and I combine it all into my faith.

I think I get to choose what story makes sense to me. And I choose to StayLDS.

Thanks for letting me share. Thanks for all the support over the years from so many of you. It has helped.

Kevin McBride

(Heber13)

Thanks ray. And thanks for your friendship over the years.

:clap:

Thanks so much for sharing. Your story gives me hope and I’m happy for you, I truly am.

Hi…perhaps something Ray didn’t explain to all of you when you were asked to be moderators…is that from time to time I share behind these moderator-eyes-only topics updates about myself because I like sharing with friends. Sorry…but it comes with the job of moderator to tolerate Kevin (Heber13).

I toyed with the idea of doing this myself, tear down all my walls so the admins could know the “real” me (if such a thing exists) since I don’t feel comfortable going “public.” In the end I didn’t want to exercise unrighteous whatever immediately after getting a little authority. :angel:

I’m so glad you posted your story though. It’s helping me today.

I could have used the term “soul mate” but I absolutely disagree with all the predestination baggage that gets implied by the term.

Interesting you mention that…she has used that term…and she believes there is divine intervention in our relationship. She knows where I’m at with my faith and doesn’t pressure me, but she believes it.

My journey with StayLDS has helped me to be open to these things and they help in my relationships. Because I don’t have to disagree with her view, and I can find ways to believe there is a special connection between us and how nicely we fit each other…and if she wants to label that fit as “soul mates” or “predestined to find each other”…I’m OK with that. I don’t have to be blunt and argue it…it is one way to express our deep connection we’ve had in a short amount of time.

That is how the church works for me. Many things expressed by people at church are about how they are trying to express their deep emotions…even if I find some things as inaccurate in a literal way…but I can accept the difference and understand what others mean by what they express.

I toyed with the idea of doing this myself,

…peer pressure… 😈 …everyone is doing it, your parents will never know…just do it! haha. Thanks nibbler. Thanks for your kind words and for your PMs.

I truly hope you can find peace and happiness.

Thanks DJ. Yes…I’m on a good path forward. Montana seems peaceful. I’m headed there.

Thanks mom3. Your response made me emotional… 😥 …maybe we just all need a good cry and big group hug??

Serious though…I like what Roy and others said and think we do like to share…and connect. It helps.

I’m starting a whole new chapter in life. We keep moving forward.

One of my favorite quotes my fiance sent me last year when we were dating applies to all of us that go through transitions…

Sometimes our lives have to be shaken up, changed, & rearranged to relocate us to the place we are meant to be.

Your fiancé’s quote explains how I feel about all the moves that have been part of my life. Each one made little if any sense at the time, but, in hindsight, we always could tell why it simply had to be – the location for someone in the family, not the job that took us there through me.

In a very real way, my life hasn’t been about me primarily. I’m okay with that.

Maybe, as much as you need her, she needs you. If we have helped make this possible in some way, I feel blessed beyond measure.

That’s really great news Kevin! Gosh, I know you’ve been through so much that past several years. We’ve had several long conversations about that as you went through it. I’m really glad things are starting to work out for you.

You guys are all so awesome! Thanks for being who you are and doing what you all do.