The Crying Game

Must admit one thing I’ve never understood is the need to cry on the podium, and in some cases it comes over as forced. I’m not a great weeper myself but do I need to crush the onions every time I get up to speak?

When I get emotional I often get teary eyed. I HATE it – immensely! As a member of a bishopric I had to give a testimony once every 3 months. I hated it. I have even asked my therapist if she knew of anything that could help with that. She actually suggested getting my family Dr. to give me some kind of relaxing pill and that might help. So I have to take drugs to keep from bawling at the pulpit. Sounds so stupid.

Let me offer a word of caution on this subject. I think if we are not careful as professional teachers working in the classroom every day, we may begin to try to counterfeit the true influence of the Spirit of the Lord by unworthy and manipulative means. I get concerned when it appears that strong emotion or free-flowing tears are equated with the presence of the Spirit. Certainly the Spirit of the Lord can bring strong emotional feelings, including tears, but that outward manifestation ought not to be confused with the presence of the Spirit itself.

– Howard W. Hunter

That said, I think some people are just more emotional. I probably shouldn’t say this, but I joke with my boys every time Pres. Eyring stands up to speak about how long it will take him to start crying (it averages less than two minutes on the ones I have timed). That’s just the way he is, and I know others who are also that way. While I am not especially fond of it, crying neither validates or invalidates testimony to me. While I believe some like Pres. Eyring are sincere in their tears and really can’t help it, I also believe there are some who purposely turn them on (perhaps building a Potemkin village?). I’m certainly not a blubberer, but I do occasionally tear up, but not to the point I’m unable to continue (I’m generally familiar enough with my talks that I can get out the gist of the words without reading them) and perhaps not even so much that audience really notices (who really pays attention to high councilors anyway?) I am far more likely to blubber during some hymns (How Great Thou Art, for instance), and while I can’t sing I also try not to draw attention to myself.

So, no SamBee, you don’t need to crush the onions. If it happens, it happens, so be it. If it doesn’t happen to you, that’s fine – I think we need to not fake it.

This is a great example of recognizing and respecting legitimate differences – like not letting the sound of someone’s voice automatically make us judge that person. Personally, I find the denigration of “the Primary voice” to be incredibly sexist (since it implies only women who sound more like men should be respected), but I can’t say that around many of my friends, since they see that voice as damaging to women in real ways.

It’s okay to see things differently and to react differently in the same situations. Sometimes, things just are.

I can’t say that I’ve ever seen someone turn on the waterworks in a purposely manipulative way over the pulpit. Outside the context of churchy things yes I’ve seen crying used for manipulative ends. Many times.

I have these nagging doubts though. Sometimes people use crying to manipulate other times they are completely unaware that that’s what they are doing and I honestly have a very hard time distinguishing the two. I might think someone is trying to be manipulative but from their perspective they’re just expressing true emotion.

I was a testimony crier, so I get it. Sharing well guarded personal thoughts and feelings can create lots of stress on our psyche.

I like the quote above about not assuming that crying is a sure fire indicator that someone is feeling the spirit. I think we jump to that conclusion too often.

When I was reading this http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/crying-when-talking-authority” class=”bbcode_url”>http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/crying-when-talking-authority the thought occurred to me. Perhaps we cry because we are really putting our neck out when sharing our innermost thoughts and are subconsciously worried that we’ll be rejected by our tribe. Tears can cause the tribe to come to our aid, so they are a defense mechanism to ensure that our innermost thoughts aren’t ostracizing us.

Sambee, I wish I had your problem. I have to speak fairly often in Sacrament meeting and try to remind myself I don’t need to cry about the smallest emotional thing. For me if the talk is emotional I tend to get a little choked up. I think it’s the anxiety that goes with public speaking mixed with talking about something emotional. At work I talk to groups of up to 100+ but of course never cry. I do want to be sincere but I dislike crying also but I rarely think poorly of someone who cries unless it comes across as fake.

I have seen people – like high councilors who speak often – carry a bottle of water with them up to the stand. One guy I know seems to take a drink when he starts to get teary. The pause and the drinking of water seem to help him control the tears. I think taking a bottle of water wouldn’t be viewed negatively or strange.

I like to joke with my DH that I am part Vulcan because I don’t get emotional very often. I’m not a crier when it comes to church stuff 99% of the time. In fact growing up I always thought there was something wrong with me because I’d be at girls camp and everyone would be crying during testimony meeting, except me. Maybe I need to try the onion thing