Losing the ground I once had

Jamison – So get it. Maybe the details are different but I do hear you.

My best advice is go with Silent Dawnings advice. He has been in those trenches, too. He’s rowed his boat along way and probably has perfect insight for you.

And meditation – I totally second that one.

Thanks for sending off your strengths. When you do your job interview, try this approach.

Take each of your strengths and then map them to the job accountabilities for the position you are applying. See which ones link, and then give examples of how your strengths will help you be strong in those job accountabilities. I have done this before and if you do this analysis honestly, with a good understanding of the job description, you can create a very personalized and powerfully authentic statement of how your specific passions/strengths will help the company in that position. You may have to do some research and networking to talk to someone who has held that position, and can help you talk about the job accountabilities with authority — if you are not familiar with the position’s demands. I say this because I attend Industry REview Boards at a university and the recruiters always comment on how they want to see passion in a candidate, and what they bring to the position that is unique. They validated this Strengths-based elevator speech approach as a powerful way of meeting that criterion.

Regarding the PHD, it sounds like you are applying to first tier schools, and your primary passion is teaching and then research — correct? I teach business, and I know that in specific accreditation regions, all you need are 18 graduate credit hours to teach in the subject area. I would check the accreditation requirements in areas of the the US you would like to teach to see the minimum requirements.

That is the way it is according to SAX accreditation (18 graduate credit hours). I have 18 graduate credit hours in five different subject areas, which I have learned makes academic administrators salivate because they can put you in multiple courses, even when enrollment is low and certain courses don’t “make”. Some schools will even hire you full time if you have degrees in multiple subject areas (normally private ones). You might consider doing an accounting certificate, for example- and a huge shortage of people with PhD’s in accounting.

Also, how do you feel about a private school PHD? It is expensive, but if you still have time in your career, it could be another option, as it’s easier to get accepted at those schools. I am doing my PHD purely online at a private university and I am finding it challenging enough and I am happy with the experience. This was the only option for me given my family situation at the time. I am OK with it.

You will likely not get a position in a 1st Tier school with such a PhD, but you will be able to teach in a lot of other schools. Also, if you like research, the word I’m getting from multiple PhD holders is that after you get your PHD, the school you went to is not critical for getting published — it’s whether the article passes the peer review process.

Also, I have received unsolicited job offers by doing community work — if you dedicate a certain amount of your service hours to service to an organization that has people with influence in it, it can lead to job opportunities, or at least, networked opportunities. I had three such offers in the last two years.

Also, consider scouring online articles for stories about successful new startups or turnarounds. These companies often need people, but their managers are stretched. I have shown up at these types of companies twice before, and gotten job interviews on the spot. I go to the place, and then call the decision-maker after I figure out who it is. Say “I’m a such and such graduate with X years of experience doing such and such, and I’d like five minutes to explain how I can help you. I drove from [insert city] today in hopes that I can meet you, and am standing out at the corner of X and X streets”. I kid you not, I got two interviews out of two attempts when I did this earlier in my career.

Anyway, this may not be news to you, but represents my understanding of ways to help you break through this thick period. It will dissipate, keep working at it — you have multiple execution strengths (Achiever, and Responsibility) use those. Also, use your Input strength to research those companies that are growing and need your skills — there’s less competition there for jobs.

Back to PhD — another alternative is to start applying for full-time, non-teaching jobs at private colleges that offer programs you would like to study. They often have tuition benefit programs. My PhD is being paid for (90% of it) by the private school. If I was taking the courses AT the school at which I’m employed, they would be entirely free. I got two master’s degrees and a master’s certificate that way. You will probably like the atmosphere of working at a schooll — see if you can find a job in a registrar’s office counseling students, in student services, or other functional areas. If you don’t like sales (something that wouldn’t surprise me given your strengths profile, but I can’t be sure), avoid admissions of course. Once employed, you’ll know who the decision-maker is for adjunct work, and you can enjoy teaching part-time while working full time at the school.

The point is to get a full-time position at the school so you can get your education for free. Therefore, apply to schools that have PhD or Master’s Programs you want to take.

Good luck — I hope you keep us updated on how it goes.

SD

I am getting angry at how everything is in my life. I’m not happy, it seems everything I want or wanted to do in life has just come to a standstill.

Jamison, I could have written these words a dozen years ago. I don’t know enough about you to make any statements tailored specifically for you, but I can tell you that the sentiments you voiced are classic mid-life-crisis thoughts. I don’t mean that in any sort of disparaging way, MLC is a very real trauma that effects different people differently and is driven by a realization that all the hopes and dreams, all the hard work and sacrifice, are not going to pay off in the way we expected. Maybe that’s part of what is hitting you right now.

It hit me hard, and I was able to get through it by seeing a counselor. I do believe that experiencing a faith crisis is among the things that can be a contributor to MLC. The caricature version of MLC is going out to buy an expensive car, and while that is one symptom, it is just a symptom of a much deeper mental struggle. Everyone doesn’t spend wildly despite the stereotype. I would say, however, that in my case the combination of my faith crisis and my mid-life crisis led to depression, which is probably a more common outcome than a new Camaro. Maybe you are experiencing MLC, maybe you aren’t, but I would suggest seeing a psychologist to see if that helps, because it’s no good if you can’t even enjoy Disneyland.

From the universally accepted truth source (Wikipedia):

A mid-life crisis is experienced by some people as they realize they have reached a midpoint in their lifespan and experience conflicts or dissatisfaction within themselves because of unrealized goals, self-perceptions or physical changes as a result of aging or health issues. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions such as andropause or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home. Additionally, when experiencing a mid-life crisis, people may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams.

Finally, let me must say this… when I was in my deepest depression, the last thing I wanted to hear was “go to a psychologist”. I felt that nothing was ever going to be OK again and “seeing someone” was just placating fate… that “life just sucks… I know that now” (that’s an exact quote from me). I think that one of the most dangerous aspects of depression is the lack of desire for it to change, or at least a firm belief that it cannot change. So, for anyone reading this, Jamison or anyone else… if you are experiencing deep sadness and it just makes you entrench more when people talk about seeing a counselor, then I can tell you from my own experience that that is exactly WHEN you should seek help.

Troubled and dismayed is what I am. Hope you all had a better day then me. 👿

jamison – The distress really comes through and thanks for being so honest. Your sense of humor is intact; sorry about Disneyland. 😆 I don’t have better or different advice than you’ve gotten. There’s a lot of wisdom here. Most of us are having a better day than you today, but we’ve been where you are and recognize that we could be back there again soon. For me this site has been all about retooling for the inevitable cycles of faith and doubt, feast and famine, success and struggle.

(I did a similar thing with my books. A lot of them deserved what they got, but as I’ve restocked shelves I’m more aware that any book is just someone’s opinion, their stab at the truth. It feels good now to be reading more widely.)

Rather than worry about what makes the stream flow, simply become the water.

Peace.

I feel you jamison. I’ve applied to probably 50 different jobs in the last few months, made it to the 2nd or 3rd interview on a few of them, and haven’t received an offer yet. I graduate next week and my family has that pressure on me to find something and just go to work but, we all know it doesn’t work like that.

My advice, is that you find something that you can put some energy in that will give you some fulfillment. Learning something new in your spare time, exercising, or making and achieving some goals. That’s what I do, and that’s what helps me stay up. Keep up the hard work, you’ll make it.

Personally, I don’t think God gives a Rat’s A what education or employment we have. There are rare exceptions, but usually, I don’t think He cares.

YOU care. Make it YOUR priority .. But don’t assume it matters to a higher power.

IMHO, I think God cares more about our daily kindnesses and generosity.