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Just curious if you ever feel lonely, in spite of having a family, a job, social circles, etcetera. I am not sure why, but I have periods when I feel much like I did when I was a single man in his late twenties in the church — when I had no one. I don’t put it down to my distance from the church. It’s something that crops up every so often — perhaps once a year, where there is feeling of needing to talk to someone on a deep level, and no one close by seems to fit the bill — even though I have a wife, children, and a close friend who are only a phone call away. None of those avenues seem to be suitable right now. I’m not even sure what I would talk about.
Have you ever experienced this, and do you find that prayer helps fill the void?
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Yes. I find it much harder to be friends with other members than I used to. Hard to have a deep conversation even with well meaning people. In these times, reading books, watching tv, or other things I keep myself distracted with don’t appeal anymore. Sorry you’re feeling this way. I haven’t found anything that helps. Except time. Things move on and I find my need for deep conversation either resolved through talking with someone or through the desire going away again. Good luck. God bless. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
My husband is right there with you. He is trying to find local social groups to join. There are lists online for people to join like walking groups, bike riding and so on. I get lonely, too. Even when I have family, job, etc. The ache is real. Even when I was TBM.
My sympathies to you.
Yes I can relate. During the middle of my faith crisis the isolation was terrible. I do know someone across town and I think I am going to head out to lunch with him sometime just to chat. In fact the last while I have realized that there isn’t much in my life that excites me or gives me pleasure. I think in my case I am falling back into a mild depression and I am looking for a new therapist. The biggest issue is I live where there are only a few LDS counselors. The one that is close and not on my insurance plan isn’t all that great. I am now looking at a non-LDS therapist, but certainly I feel that I am going to have to explain things about my religion and faith crisis to them and I am not sure they will get it.
Yes, I get it every once in a while. It’s usually tied in with my anxiety-induced depression, which has become much rarer now the older I’ve gotten and the more I’ve developed coping and practiced techniques. It has also helped that I’ve surrounded myself with good, supportive family and friends, and although I’m an extrovert, I have introvert-level of comfort when I find myself alone with nothing to do. The loneliness does pop up, though. Sometimes it shows when I’m reminded of my high school friends who are almost all married and mostly all with kids. I really love my single life and the ability to do almost whatever I want whenever I want (in terms of life experiences, like moving or getting a job or even going on a mission). And I had a close friend the other day point out that she’s certain I would be miserable if I had gotten married and started having kids as young as some of our friends. But…sometimes, you just can’t help feeling lonely.
I’m in the boat, too. Cowboys “never stay home and they’re always alone, even with someone they love.” Absolutely. For me, it seems to be seasonal too. Fall is especially bad. Summer is best because of the sun.
That’s the explanation I use.
It’s good you recognize it for yourself.
Then it’s easier to deal with, I believe.
Wow! I expected this thread to be one of those topics with 30 views and no comments. Nice to know I’m not alone. I agree as LookinHard mentioned, that it iss related to not having anything exciting on the horizon.
I believe I suck the marrow out of life regularly, with a lot of interesting projects and experiences (I have several bands, perform regularly, learn a lot of new things with constant education, dabble in a lot of small business interests, take on new projects all the time) but there comes a time when the projects become routine, and the novelty wears off on those things, and it seems a bit like work. I think that is partly what prompted the loneliness yesterday evening During those times, it’s time for new challenges.
The lonely feeling passed, however, and I feel back to normal today. It only lasted an evening. I did something unusual that helped it pass. Normally my wife likes me to watch TV with her, and it’s always whatever show she is into. I usually just watch it so at least we have something to do together. Last night I picked a show from Netflix that looked interesting, and asked her to watch it with me. She actually liked it, and it distracted me from the loneliness since I got to pick the show. Sounds minor, but it worked. Today I’m energized again.
Glad to know the rest of you have these periods of loneliness. I guess it’s quite common.
What are your coping strategies? How do you kick yourself out of it?
Lonely for the day. That requires a piece of chocolate. Lonely for a couple of days, I call my brother or sister. That always picks me up.
Lonely for more then a couple of days, I call a friend for lunch.
In between I try to get exercise.
Another topic that I want to explore sometime is: How do you handle anger?
Yes. That’s been me most of my life, alone in a crowd. SilentDawning wrote:Just curious if you ever feel lonely, in spite of having a family, a job, social circles, etcetera.
Yup.This Wendell Berry quote about marriage and connections sticks with me:
Quote:“I take it as an axiom that one cannot know enough to get married, any more than one can predict a surprise…The decision to marry is made in an inescapable condition of loneliness and ignorance, to which it, or something like it, is the only possible answer…. Marriage is not as nicely trimmed to its purpose as a bottle cap; it is a not entirely possible solution to a not entirely soluble problem. And this is true of the other human connections. We can commit ourselves fully to anything – a place, a discipline, a community, a faith, a friend – only in the same poverty of knowledge, the same ignorance of result, the same self-subordination, the same final forsaking of other possibilities.”
Kind of a downer, but there’s something to it.
I’m surprised no one mentioned taking comfort in prayer. Do you do that? I have to confess, I don’t pray nearly as much as I used to….I think years of certain things never changing in my life weakened my resolve. I see it more as meditation for inspiration on how to solve problems, rather than communication with God, or a source of comfort. Perhaps a stone to turned over again in my life… SilentDawning wrote:I’m surprised no one mentioned taking comfort in prayer. Do you do that? I have to confess, I don’t pray nearly as much as I used to….I think years of certain things never changing in my life weakened my resolve. I see it more as meditation for inspiration on how to solve problems, rather than communication with God, or a source of comfort. Perhaps a stone to turned over again in my life…
Interesting observation. I still do pray, but not with as much intensity as before and a bit more casual.I forgot about the prayer portion of the discussion. I’d say that when I’m feeling lonely more often than not I feel like there’s nothing that can help me get out of a funk. You mentioned some of that yourself; I feel lonely in spite of having a family, a job, social circles, etcetera. all the things that on the surface would make someone appear to not be lonely.
I don’t really do personal prayers anymore, only family prayers and when I’m asked at church. I’d probably define personal prayer as personal reflection these days and I already do too much of that. I can’t shut my brain off most of the time, no need to set aside time to do more of the same. Maybe that’s what prayer should be for me. A time where I
attemptto shut off my brain. Prayer can be a source of comfort though. I know some people speak of God as if he is with them all the time, and this gives them that sense of non-loneliness. I do often feel calmer after I prayer, and sometimes strengthened. I should rely on it more as a coping mechanism for loneliness.
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