- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
So I am happy to tell you that everything is going well with the depression and anxiety and what not. Things seem to have gotten slightly better. I have burned a few bridges with a few really good friends over the past 6 months. However, I’m still living at home and going to community college, but I will be done this summer, thankfully! I’m just trying to push through. Well anyways, there’s this really sweet, kind girl I met in institute a few years ago before she went on her mission. She came back last fall and we’ve been talking a lot and I’m just really attracted to her. I’m just not sure if she’d be very interested in a guy who really has no desire to get married in the temple or attends an hour of church every Sunday. And honestly, I struggle with lots of things. Like pornography and such. I don’t know, what’s your guy’s thoughts on this?
Frankly there’s no way for any of us to know anything about how or if this scenario might work out. You’re on your own. I will advise you to be honest (and genuine) with her. Also, porn is not conducive to healthy long term relationships, including marriage. I would have to agree with Dark Jedi, the porn issue is a bigger breaker than doubts. Honesty is best. Don’t get discouraged though, especially about the faith transition, you may not find a girl at institute who is chill with it. Don’t give up, try dances and other hang outs.
A lot of wild cards. If she served a mission, the odds are good that she wants a traditional Mormon. I’d work on getting the porn out of your life. That will turn many women off as they want to be the only object of your desire, and would likely consider it a form of cheating. Happy you found someone you like — now the exploration begins.
I agree with everything that’s been said. My only addition: at this point in your life, don’t place all your hopes on one girl. I would even date women that are not in the church. It doesn’t mean that you need to be serious about marriage. Just compare &
contrast. See who you are compatible with & who you’re not.
I always recommend going to http://www.marriagebuilders.com and learning about emotional needs theory — Willard Harley Junior, the person who developed the theory of love in marriage, can help you determine what your emotional needs are, so at least you can assess whether the person you are dating is someone who will make you happy. At some point, get her to take the questionnaire so you have an idea of what she will likely need from you to be happy.The best marriages, according to Harley, are the ones where both people meet each others’ needs without really trying due to personality, upbringing and their natural personality.
If I could do it over again, I would’ve done that questionnaire to figure out beforehand, as much as possible, what I was getting into.
Mike wrote:I agree with everything that’s been said. My only addition: at this point in your life, don’t place all your hopes on one girl.
I would even date women that are not in the church. It doesn’t mean that you need to be serious about marriage. Just compare &
contrast. See who you are compatible with & who you’re not.
I agree 100% with that statement
willb1993 wrote:Well anyways, there’s this really sweet, kind girl I met
I remember playing a game and being teamed up with a certain recent RM young woman. In the game another team made a mistake and it would have been to our advantage to point out the mistake and make them take back their points. My partner calmly convinced me to let the score stand as it would have been embarrassing for the other team to have their ignorance publicly revealed. From that moment I became attracted to this RM and took her on several dates.
The relationship did not progress very far but I never forgot her example of being kind to others. I looked for that quality in all the women that I dated.
I heard a quote from John Bytheway. “The wrong one is the right one to lead you to the best one!”
So .. Ask her out .. And see where it goes. About 35 years ago, I dated a non- member with a porn issue. As we dated, the subject of his magazine choice came up. When he realized that I saw his collection as a negative, it all went out immediately. One armful of live woman trumped an 8 foot stack of penthouse. I think it does for many men. Not all .. But many.
For some people, porn is a habit of loneliness. For others it is an addiction. Figure out what it is for you.
I’m in a dilemma myself… the woman I’m interested has disappeared for a while on a work placement. Who knows when she’ll be back. Thought she’d gone inactive… but it’s hard to get to know people here, they come and go so quickly. Quote:I would even date women that are not in the church. It doesn’t mean that you need to be serious about marriage.
The problem I find with dating women outside the church is that a lot of the younger ones almost expect pre-marital sex if the relationship lasts for any length of time. And I’d be the first to admit that is tempting. However few of my relationships last that long.
Dating is about finding out about each other and how you feel together. If you start with labels (“she is faithful”, “I have problems”) you’re judging before trying. I know many returned missionaries who find it refreshing to date someone “real” to them, not someone phony and self-righteous.
But don’t try to be a chameleon and fool her into thinking you are something you’re not. Be yourself. Date and find out who she is. And let things take their course.
Be honest and respectful. And have fun.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.