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I want to share some research I’ve been doing in my school work. I’m working on a research project that will likely involve the relationship between personality and job satisfaction. I came across a study that might help many of us here regarding the positivity of the future. There is a trait called “Emotional Stability” that has been shown to be distinct in human personality. People with high emotional stability are not subject to massive mood swings. People low in this trait tend to experience wide mood swings.
I did a survey here on StayLDS and found a large percentage of us (myself included) have experienced wide mood swings in the past. From minor cases of the blues, to anxiety, to full-on depression. Whether this is higher than in the general population, I’m not sure, but many of the StayLDSers reported that they experienced significant mood swings..
Research shows that emotional stability increases with age. GOOD NEWS! As we get older, the average person tends to experience less variance in their emotional moods.Not sure why, but my hypothesis is that its an emotional form of the “fatigue method” often referred to in behavioral change literature. The fatigue method involves letting someone do something unhelpful SO MUCH, they get absolutely sick of it. Smoke cigarettes until you barf. Play video games until you can’t bear to sit at a computer. Worry so much you can’t stand it anymore…
I think life does that to us. After years of being upset about things that happen to me, I’m tired of it affecting my inner peace. I feel less responsible for the things that come at me out of the blue and stop condemning myself.
After doing the research, and finding I scored low in emotional stability, I started monitoring my mood swings. I noticed I would get internally upset when I had setbacks in my day. I have learned not to show them, but I feel them intensely.
But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve also noticed the desire to “keep my inner happiness” eclipsed the impulse to change mood. And I would compartmentalize. I would say “I’ll figure out what to do about this tomorrow when I have time for thinking”. “I don’t have time to deal with this right now”. “Nothing says I have to even consider how to solve this now”. “This is affecting my mood, and it doesn’t have to — it was someone else’s choice, not mine”.
When you make “happiness the object and design of your existence”, even above pleasing people in the church, or by complying with cultural shoulds, I find it’s easier to deal with the problems, and the mood swings, and the anger.
Am I perfect? No, but I want to say — I think there is hope that as we age, we develop tools for stabilizing our emotions and moods….and it provides hope that we can have the church in our life, while maintaining our inner peace…
Great News SD! For me and DW I think we have become more anxious as we aged. This has to do with a number of factors and experiences. One in particular is that I once had an internal locus of control. I now have probably swung too much the other way and am fearful of what I might not be able to control.
I do believe that people can change in unpredictable ways over time. Here’s hoping for emotional stability.
Roy wrote:Great News SD!
For me and DW I think we have become more anxious as we aged. This has to do with a number of factors and experiences. One in particular is that I once had an internal locus of control. I now have probably swung too much the other way and am fearful of what I might not be able to control.
I do believe that people can change in unpredictable ways over time. Here’s hoping for emotional stability.
See, for me it’s been the opposite. I had such a strong internal locus of control, I would blame myself for everything that happened. And it would lead to self-condemnation. Lately, I seem to find evidence that it’s not always me. And that reduces anxiety because it means “I’m OK”.
There is even evidence that senior managers tend to have an external locus of control. When bad stuff happen, they see it as due to factors outside their own managerial actions.
Now, does this mean that we must still feel out of control? Or that life is something that just happens to us?
I don’t think so. As I’ve aged, I’ve become better at responding to uncontrollable events. It’s a different discussion, but work I’ve done on risk management helps. Anticipate what CAN go wrong and make contingency plans. Calculate problabilities with decision trees (this brought me peace when I found the probability of a court action against us was less than 10% after speaking to a lawyer to get the nodes of the decision tree and some probabilities). Learn to forecast a range of outcomes in any given situation, and see if you can live with them. Plan for the ones you can’t control. Or, learn how to respond effectively to uncontrollable events that hit you.
Marcus Aurelius gives me peace with this statement sometimes attributed to him — don’t worry about the future because you will meet it with the same ability you face the challenges of today. I think this reduces anxiety even though you know that events you can’t control hit you all the time…
Note case in point — my employment is unstable now. So I refinanced something and now know that I can live for a couple years without a job. External events I cannot control, personal choices that mitigate the anxiety…
I would rate myself to be one that does not generally have big mood swings. Even on days that I know I have to do stuff I don’t want to do, I get up just the same and get to the job of getting life done. But reading through this, maybe I am not quite as steady as I think.
I would say over the last few years that a stressful job, a stressful church calling, marital problems I just couldn’t seem to fix, and just life did take a toll and I have gone into depression territory a few times (I am getting help for that). But I just keep pushing through nonetheless.
I will say one really big change from my FC is that I feel I have really taken more ownership for things like my spirituality is primarily (almost exclusively) between me and God. The church is over there on the side. That has helped considerably. But on the flip side, in my marriage I came to a realization that my wife has some significant issues and I can’t fix them nor make her do things that might fix them. It is no longer my issue to put all extra mental and emotional effort into fixing. Those 2 things have helped me quite a bit. I am trying to figure out of both of these are moving to more of a inner locus of control.
I have never been one to have mood swings, although I can become very grumpy when I’m hungry (think 3-year-old after church). However, I have noticed that I am less emotional as I have aged. Things I used to cry at no longer have that effect, and laughing is likewise (Modern Family is really funny, though). At the same time, I think I am much more compassionate than I used to be. I’ve pondered that a bit and wonder if it’s because of my faith crisis and transition or is it just because I’m getting old?
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