- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
Hi everyone. :wave: I’ve been lurking around here for the past few weeks, and I’m finally getting around to posting an intro. I don’t want this to be too long and exhausting, so maybe I’ll just bullet point some quick bits of info about me.* I’m a mid-thirties woman, married with three sons.
* I’m the oldest of six, born into the church though both parents are converts. My dad worked as a seminary/institute instructor for more than 30 years and is currently serving as a bishop. I was raised in a very black or white world.
* I live in a very homogenous ward where a good 90% of the ward members are also in their 30’s with young kids. Literally, we have one single mom in the ward. No widows. No single men.
* I’m a non-traditional student. I went back to school three years ago and am looking forward to completing my bachelor’s degree this coming school year. I am looking into master’s programs.
* I have never felt completely “in” in the LDS world. I’ve always leaned a bit left, and I’ve always been a bit of a feminist, though I do not feel compelled to be an activist. There have been several moments of uneasiness with church issues in my life, but in the past few years, my uneasiness has become more pronounced and painful, and now I guess I’d classify it as a full-blown faith crisis. I have been seeing a therapist, which has helped a great deal, but I am still trying to work through this process. I have some very strong perfectionist tendencies.
* My therapist is not LDS– I chose her specifically because I didn’t want someone who assumed that our worldviews are the same– and even though she has been unbelievably helpful, I find that there are a few LDS-specific things that she doesn’t quite understand in the same way that someone who is in the church would.
* Right now, I am still trying to figure out what I believe (as opposed to what I’m told that I should believe) and how to live authentically. The church has been such a dominating part of my life, and there are some many things that I do love about it. I don’t think I want to leave.
I think that’s about it for now. Thank you for providing this forum. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one.
NonTraditionalMom wrote:The church has been such a dominating part of my life, and there are some many things that I do love about it. I don’t think I want to leave.
Hi, NTM:wave: I’m glad you’re here. I’ve had to redraw some boundaries, too. This is the best support group money can’t buy, (imo), and I hope you like it.Welcome, sounds like you will fit right in here. That is quite a homogeneous ward — to the point of being a real anomaly in my experience. Looking forward to hearing more from you. How does your husband react to the church, and does he know about your FC? NonTraditionalMom wrote:Right now, I am still trying to figure out what I believe (as opposed to what I’m told that I should believe) and how to live authentically.
Hi, and welcome. I also think you sound like a good fit here. A primary reason I have stayed is this site. Figuring out what I believe was also my first step. When my faith crisis hit full speed I threw everything out, baby, bath water, and all. At some point I realized I did still believe in God, although not the God of the Lost Car Keys (or anything like that one). From there I rebuilt my faith. A large part of that involved separating the gospel from the church. However, I also used the temple recommend questions and Articles of Faith as guides to help me decided what I do and don’t believe.
I look forward to hearing more from you!
Welcome! As we say often, we aren’t looking for the one true path that all of us need to walk. We are trying to help each other find our own unique path that we can walk within the broad road of Mormonism and within the LDS Church. It takes more effort to find the road less traveled, but finding it really does make all the difference.
Welcome NTM, Old-Timer wrote:As we say often, we aren’t looking for the one true path that all of us need to walk. We are trying to help each other find our own unique path that we can walk within the broad road of Mormonism and within the LDS Church. It takes more effort to find the road less traveled, but finding it really does make all the difference.
The funny thing is that the membership of our respective wards never believed everything in lock step. If they could have been polled there would have been interesting differences. We just didn’t focus on the differences for our focus on all the comforting uniformity. Now the differences stick out like sore thumbs and it can be hard to see the sameness. We try to provide balance and recognition of both our differences and our shared experiences. The truth is that both the human tendency to group up into communities and for some of us to eventually question some of the community assumptions is totally normal, studied, understood, and even expected.
again, welcome!
Welcome to the group. I have found over the years a need to let my guard down and seriously study, question, read, discuss, and openly talk about all things on my mind so I can truly move forward with my faith.
As Rene Descartes is quoted to say:
Quote:If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
I like this because it doesn’t advocate being in a constant state of doubting all things all the time with no direction in life…but there are some phases we go through where there may be a learning period, an education period, where God lets us travel unfamiliar roads to test our liahona, and see if we can really see our world around us, and match our internal beliefs with the true external world around us, not the picture perfect world others tell us we should see, but our true experience in our physical world. And to experience life.
Allegories and myths and symbolism become more powerful and meaningful as we open our eyes. It’s kinda scary to let go of the picture perfect world we think it “should be” to start to really see things anew, but I believe there is a time God thinks we are ready for it. A time when the pain and doubt and uneasiness in our lives is greater than the fear to travel such a road…and so we start a journey that may not seem safe from other people’s perspective, and others may warn us or even call us to repentance to stay safely in the fold. But it doesn’t take away that inner feeling that we need such a thing for growth.
Quote:1 Cor 13:
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
It sounds like you are getting to that point. And I hope you find support from people in this group who traveled our own personal roads, and can’t tell you what to do, what to think, or what to doubt, or what to believe…but can support you and tell you it will be OK if you follow your heart and be open to goodness in your life…wherever you can find that goodness. You have friends here who understand.
Glad you joined our conversations. I look forward to learning from your posts!
SilentDawning wrote:Welcome, sounds like you will fit right in here. That is quite a homogeneous ward — to the point of being a real anomaly in my experience. Looking forward to hearing more from you. How does your husband react to the church, and does he know about your FC?
Thank you, all, for the warm welcome!
Yes, my ward is abnormally homogeneous. We’re in SE Idaho, so the percentage of LDS population is high anyway, but then our neighborhood has just seemed to attract people who are all in a very similar stage of life. One of the struggles with a ward like this is that differences stick out in a pretty major way. Our ward is also really competitive– not so much with money, fortunately, but with spirituality. My ward friends are constantly bringing up the family testimony meetings they have for FHE, or the time they overheard their three-year-old daughter’s unbelievably heartfelt and profound personal prayer, or the fact that their son will earn his Eagle the day he is eligible. I feel like a full-blown TBM would have trouble keeping up, let alone someone struggling with the basics. It’s exhausting.
Yes, my husband knows about the FC. I have to admit that the first few times I brought up my questions, his knee-jerk reaction was fear and blame. For me, when I really started to verbalize my feelings, it often came out in this angry confrontation, and I’ve realized that that approach triggers defensiveness. We’re getting better, though– we’re both working on recognizing that we can disagree without anger, and I am working on expressing my views without diminishing his. It’s a work in progress. I should say that my husband is not in the devoted TBM camp, though. He read
Rough Stone Rollingwhen it was first published, as well as several other historical texts, and I think he has had a lot of time to come to terms with some of the issues that I am just now learning. So my shock and outrage is kind of his shoulder shrug. I’ve noticed that when we approach our conversations with kindness, both toward each other and the church, I realize that we actually have very similar feelings about most issues. We’re just still trying to figure out what that means for the way we live and raise our kids. Heber13 wrote:It’s kinda scary to let go of the picture perfect world we think it “should be” to start to really see things anew, but I believe there is a time God thinks we are ready for it. A time when the pain and doubt and uneasiness in our lives is greater than the fear to travel such a road…and so we start a journey that may not seem safe from other people’s perspective, and others may warn us or even call us to repentance to stay safely in the fold. But it doesn’t take away that inner feeling that we need such a thing for growth.
Exactly! I just wish that growth was easy and comfortable.
NonTraditionalMom wrote:Exactly! I just wish that growth was easy and comfortable.
Haha…ya..don’t we all? That’s the paradox.NonTraditionalMom wrote:I’ve noticed that when we approach our conversations with kindness, both toward each other and the church, I realize that we actually have very similar feelings about most issues.
That learning cannot be understated…that is a huge realization in navigating thoughts and changes.
I have also found I have more in common than I have in differences, and focusing on those is helpful, even if I can’t ignore the differences, I can try to work on timing, dose, and tact of talking about differences while balancing it with shared beliefs to reaffirm common ground and lower the emotions. Doesn’t always work. But I try.
NonTraditionalMom wrote:Hi everyone.
:wave: I’ve been lurking around here for the past few weeks, and I’m finally getting around to posting an intro. I don’t want this to be too long and exhausting, so maybe I’ll just bullet point some quick bits of info about me.* I’m a mid-thirties woman, married with three sons.
* I’m the oldest of six, born into the church though both parents are converts. My dad worked as a seminary/institute instructor for more than 30 years and is currently serving as a bishop. I was raised in a very black or white world.
* I live in a very homogenous ward where a good 90% of the ward members are also in their 30’s with young kids. Literally, we have one single mom in the ward. No widows. No single men.
* I’m a non-traditional student. I went back to school three years ago and am looking forward to completing my bachelor’s degree this coming school year. I am looking into master’s programs.
* I have never felt completely “in” in the LDS world. I’ve always leaned a bit left, and I’ve always been a bit of a feminist, though I do not feel compelled to be an activist. There have been several moments of uneasiness with church issues in my life, but in the past few years, my uneasiness has become more pronounced and painful, and now I guess I’d classify it as a full-blown faith crisis. I have been seeing a therapist, which has helped a great deal, but I am still trying to work through this process. I have some very strong perfectionist tendencies.
* My therapist is not LDS– I chose her specifically because I didn’t want someone who assumed that our worldviews are the same– and even though she has been unbelievably helpful, I find that there are a few LDS-specific things that she doesn’t quite understand in the same way that someone who is in the church would.
* Right now, I am still trying to figure out what I believe (as opposed to what I’m told that I should believe) and how to live authentically. The church has been such a dominating part of my life, and there are some many things that I do love about it. I don’t think I want to leave.
I think that’s about it for now. Thank you for providing this forum. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one.
Dang as I look at your list the only difference I can see is:* I am a male (at least the last time I checked).
* I have one more kid than you
* I already finished my masters
* about 10 years older
* I started with an LDS therapist, but switching (due to $) to a non-LDS.
But that really leaves quite a bit that parallels your situation. I hope you can also find this site as comforting and helpful as I have!
Welcome to the Group. Not much to add. It’s all been said. Keep it coming. (the posts)
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.