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I don’t have a good read on him yet, but I think we need to be aware of two things: 1) He tends to spiral to other topics in every thread he writes. Free-flowing conversation is a good thing, but almost schizophrenic thread content isn’t – especially for lurkers, but even for regular participants who easily could give up on discussions that are all over the place.
I have added a couple of Admin Notes asking that new topics be introduced in new threads.
2) I am concerned about him being a bit disingenuous in some of his comments. He mentions often something like, “I seem to recall reading / hearing somewhere about ____________” – and I am almost certain he knows exactly what he is referencing and is trying to be coy or sound softer than he might otherwise. It reads like a technique rather than a sincere, honest statement.
I don’t know him from other sites, but I do know he is or was active elsewhere – and I am getting a bit of a manipulative vibe from him. I don’t know if he is posing here as someone he is not or if he is so used to commenting in this way on other sites that it has become part of how he does so everywhere – but I am uneasy about it.
Interesting. Your instincts are generally spot on for this stuff. His thoughts do seem all over the place. I’m not sure if he has started working on things, or just in a frenzy of questions and comments, not sure where he is going. A good flag for moderators to keep an eye out for his intentions.
I think the observations are valid. I haven’t seen him on other sites, either, which probably means the other sites are exmo – he does admit he is ex’ed, though. I picked up on the reference to things I’m sure he knows as well (the temple one comes to mind). I have been chalking his posts up to stream of consciousness, but your point of view is also valid. There’s no harm in keeping an eye on him. He’s a character, it’s hard to say. If sincere he might just have have issues he’s working on over a great deal of subjects. If he’s trying to churn the waters… who starts with James 1:5?
He does jump around a lot, it may be his way of facilitating discussion, but you’re right he gets off subject.
He’s already responded positively to the admin note and has admitted that scatterbrainedness is an issue for him.
LookingHard knows him from some other site. LookingHard is a good nut.
I definitely see what you’re saying. At the beginning here he may just have a lot of pent up thoughts we can’t (or won’t right now) control very well. I think putting him on to old threads and blogposts is great because it reminds him and all of us that “active topics” is just the tiny tip of the iceberg. I’m not good combining search terms and getting what I want. One thing I might suggest to him is searching like-minded users’ posts. That might help satisfy an intellectual need, but the social need to belong and give and take is met in real time.
For my part, I will try to engage a little more.
I can’t help but say that I would be very interested to hear his wife’s take on the same events. OTOH, some marriages and divorces aren’t the typical both-parties-share-the-blame and that is WHY the institution deals so poorly with them.
Ann wrote:OTOH, some marriages and divorces aren’t the typical both-parties-share-the-blame and that is WHY the institution deals so poorly with them.
Thank you Ann. I agree completely.nibbler, if you find out from LH what other site, I wouldn’t mind checking it out and seeing what he is like elsewhere.
Heber13 wrote:nibbler, if you find out from LH what other site, I wouldn’t mind checking it out and seeing what he is like elsewhere.
I’ll ask.
I decided to stop responding a few days ago, I am not even sure we are having conversations. Just recently he threw out a temple recommend question – “How do you guys deal with….” We have millions of threads directed to it, he can look it up and read it, then come back.
I am not angry, just uncomfortable.
I agree mom3. I’m not angry either…but he keeps using non-sequitur statements and so it is hard to have the convo with him. I’ve started getting more direct with him. I wonder how he’ll respond. I may soon be to the same point, not having anything more to add, just stop responding like you. Old-Timer wrote:2) I am concerned about him being a bit disingenuous in some of his comments. He mentions often something like, “I seem to recall reading / hearing somewhere about ____________” – and I am almost certain he knows exactly what he is referencing and is trying to be coy or sound softer than he might otherwise. It reads like a technique rather than a sincere, honest statement.
Last thought. I agree it’s waffle-y and if he really means he can only remember enough to paraphrase, it would be better to say so. But some people here have absolutely incredible memories compared to the average. And mine is terrible, so I identify with the vague-ness. If it’s really disingenuousness I guess we’ll know soon. I chalk it up right now to poor memory and maybe some sarcasm.I’ve searched the username Rob4Hope on google and got a few hits. If our Rob4Hope matches up with most of the Rob4Hope google results (and I believe they do) I think the guy has gone rather easy on this crowd. I’d prefer to let him tell his story rather than attempt to connect the dots myself. He may be fairly new to the idea of questioning things that he’s been raised to believe and that may account for the scattershot approach.
LH confirmed the google search. strengtheningmarriage.com
ldssexuality.com
You can read his posts at strengtheningmarriage.com, I’ll save you some time:
http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/what-sex-means-to-a-man/ ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/what-sex-means-to-a-man/ ldssexuality.com requires an account to read posts. I don’t have an account with that site, I think I’ll pass on creating one.
I’ve read some of his comments on
http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com and a few other boards that I didn’t list above (I’m not a “snoop” so I feel a little dirty now – curiosity got the better of me). I think I’ve got his story pieced together. To be honest he has shown a good measure of restraint on what he posts here. I think he knows the kind of support StayLDS offers and he looks for support for other issues elsewhere. I haven’t seen him cross that line here.Thanks, nibbler. I really appreciate that information. NIbbler – thanks for moving out of your comfort zone. I don’t want to ever send someone away. Even when we have had to ban someone, I have struggled with my feelings.
One area that I am constantly trying to keep on my radar is lurkers. Years ago in the corporate market, every letter received counted as 5 or 10 never sent but intended. This ratio was applied to criticism as well as compliments. I use the same model here. For everyone of us who is active, I imagine there being at least 3 to 5 lurkers per person. They may be regular watchers or new – but I try to read our board with them in mind.
I don’t have direct complaints on him exactly but I feel hedged. We aren’t here to send people down rabbit holes or lines of twisted thinking, again he hasn’t done that, but his style of posting in threads is unique. I just think the tighter threads work best, especially if you are new to a crisis or sorting out your thoughts. Especially if your not ready to log on just yet.
I know this doesn’t add much but I’ve had him on my mind for a while. Maybe I just needed to say what I thought so I can move on.
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