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Hi everyone well after much debate and my trying to leave the church for a 2nd time my wife agreed to a reduced level of participation by me. I Love the church just not certain aspects of it. I for one do not enjoy going to the temple . I find it boring and uninspiring . So to stay LDS my wife agreed although it was not easy for her to let me skip all the temple stuff forever !!!!!!!! this may sound like I am leaving a big part of Mormonism out but I find it very much a relief . I can do without going to the temple and find myself more willing to go to church consistently . I would like some of your feedback on this issue and wonder if anyone else has the same view ? Thanks. I honestly think if you don’t talk about it openly, but as it should be as a personal thing with God, just don’t go to the temple, let your recommend lapse, but support others in the church who hold it sacred, you can navigate through church just fine without the temple. The thing you have on your side is the temple is so sacred people don’t talk specifics about it. So it is easy to side step any questions about how you feel about it. Right now, my wife tells me it is not the right time for her to go but she hopes in the future she will work towards being ready. Right now, God knows her situation and her faith and accepts her without a temple recommend.
In other words, she doesn’t close the door on the future possibly having temple part of her faith, but right now how she feels about it, it just isn’t for her and she tells the bishop “I’m working on it”. That works for us. She makes the rest of church work fine without her being ready for the temple now.
I agree with Heber. There’s no need for you to wear a sign that says “I hate the temple, don’t talk to me about it.” There are plenty of people who don’t go to the temple, some even hold temple recommends. Just quietly go about your business and focus on the parts of the church to do believe or agree with. No one needs to know what you do and don’t believe. I have held a TR for over a year but have not been to the temple in well over 10 years. I don’t think anyone in my ward knows I haven’t been except my wife. I don’t think you’re alone in your feelings towards the temple. Heck, there are probably a lot of people that have TRs and want to attend but they let so much time go by between visits that they are unwittingly experiencing Mormonism without the temple. I’m curious about how your wife is taking the news. Your reason for wanting Mormonism without the temple may be because it is boring and uninspiring but a significant other may reach an alternate conclusion, even when you’ve been very explicit in stating your reasons. It’s not to dissimilar to talking to a significant other about a faith crisis. She might have fears that your announcement is the harbinger to sweeping changes. It may help put her mind at ease if you’re willing to be (and I hate this phrase BTW) “temple worthy” except the only difference is that you don’t actually attend the temple.
jgaskill wrote:Hi everyone well after much debate and my trying to leave the church for a 2nd time my wife agreed to a reduced level of participation by me. I Love the church just not certain aspects of it. I for one do not enjoy going to the temple . I find it boring and uninspiring . So to stay LDS my wife agreed although it was not easy for her to let me skip all the temple stuff forever !!!!!!!! this may sound like I am leaving a big part of Mormonism out but I find it very much a relief . I can do without going to the temple and find myself more willing to go to church consistently . I would like some of your feedback on this issue and wonder if anyone else has the same view ? Thanks.
I am on that plan right now. I empathize — I find the temple a very unfulfillng experience. The first time I went it was exhilerating, but my soul does not handle repetition very well. I am much more at peace without it, frankly. It is good your wife is supporting you (although perhaps as compromise). That makes it easier.
I would advise continuing your commitment to love, service, Christ, etcetera through vigorous engagement with service and sharing your talents in your ward or the community. I would also suggest considering going back to the temple if, after you do a cost-benefit analysis regarding the costs to your relationship and find the costs outweigh the benefits of staying out of the temple.
But if your wife is supportive, great — I like my life much better without the pressure of the temple.
You said after trying to leave the church for the second time — does this mean you resigned once before, were re baptized, and wanted to resign again? Or just that this is the second time you want to distance yourself from the church?
I love the temple for what it symbolizes, but I understand totally that it doesn’t work for a lot of people. Fine.
“According to the dictates of our own conscience” has no disclaimers.
j- Good luck to both of you. As the more participatory spouse, I offer this advice, don’t make this an issue between the two of you. If she talks about it, attends it, bares testimony of it – make sure you like her for it. No jokes, no rolling eyes. If you want respect for your way of worship, give her 100% the same thing. It will help you both. And congratulations that it went so well. Not every marriage rolls with them so well. I was actually surprised to learn that my husband supported my desire not to attend the temple. I find it sexist; he finds it boring and weird and being hearing impaired he hates all the whispering. We have collectively agreed that we won’t go out of our way to attend the temple, though he did participate in DD’s first youth temple trip a little while back. Now that we have a temple in our city, married couples are encouraged to have temple date nights. I can’t think of a worse date! We don’t get to talk to each other or even sit on the same side of the room!
I hear ya Joni I cannot think of a worse date night !!! Boring, boring boring !!! I agree. There are a couple of things I do like: – Going through with a name of family members (husbands & wives). My wife & I kneeling together in a sealing room & remembering our wedding helps.
– We drive an hour & a half both ways to go to the temple. The trip forces us to talk about “things” & life. We can’t walk out of the conversation.
For many the biggest (only?) downside of no temple recommend is no being able to attend sealings or first time endowments of family members. I don’t know if that is an issue for you now or in the near future. I can’t bear the thought of my kids getting married in the temple and my wife being there to support and I have to wait outside. Roadrunner wrote:For many the biggest (only?) downside of no temple recommend is no being able to attend sealings or first time endowments of family members. I don’t know if that is an issue for you now or in the near future. I can’t bear the thought of my kids getting married in the temple and my wife being there to support and I have to wait outside.
That is a big concern for me also, but the scales are tipping where I might be willing to suffer that.LookingHard wrote:Roadrunner wrote:For many the biggest (only?) downside of no temple recommend is no being able to attend sealings or first time endowments of family members. I don’t know if that is an issue for you now or in the near future. I can’t bear the thought of my kids getting married in the temple and my wife being there to support and I have to wait outside.
That is a big concern for me also, but the scales are tipping where I might be willing to suffer that.
I’m glad you acknowledge that…I really think it isn’t the end of the world to wait outside the temple and support them when they come out. I get that it isn’t ideal and makes for some awkwardness…but it isn’t the end of the world. It’s an option.One of the things that bothers me is when leaders or anyone tells you how wonderful the temple is, and how they learn something new every time they go. NO it is not wonderful and no you do not learn anything new, at least nothing inspiring like they allude to. The temple is patterned after the old school method of learning and gaining knowledge. Memorize and repeat. In todays world critical thinking is valued above just memorizing certain aspects of any given field of study. The why is as important as the how. There is no why at the temple for me.
Most things aren’t black-and-white, and most people who say they learn something new when they go the temple aren’t lying or being deceitful in any way. Many people don’t learn new things, but those who do aren’t learning new things directly from the ordinances themselves; rather, they are having thoughts hit them as the ordinances happen. Quiet, peaceful places tend to inspire that sort of learning – and temples are that sort of place for a lot of people. Mountains or special meditation rooms (or multiple other examples) works for others. I haven’t learned anything new directly from the ordinances most of the times I have attended the last couple of decades (even though it does happen occasionally, sometimes with quite important insights), but I have learned a lot quite often from attending. Otoh, I also don’t tell people I learn something new every time I attend – but I have no problem saying I learn things regularly in the temple.
We shouldn’t disparage people who say things like that. Most of them are sincere and being honest.
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