To those in faith crisis and their loved ones

Regardless of the ultimate destination of the person traversing a faith crisis, relationships with family and friends should ideally be the very things that ease the pain. Unfortunately they often produce more pain. They are also very frequently maimed or destroyed as collateral damage of the faith crisis. I don’t think this has to be the case.

When talking with family and friends about a faith crisis, I feel too much focus is put on historic facts or on abstract concepts (such as the methodology of revelation). It can be more productive to express the feelings of pain and grief being experienced (both for those in the faith crisis and for those watching a loved one in a faith crisis). This won’t save all relationships. I do believe it can save many relationships which would otherwise be seriously damaged.

Not sure I completely agreed with the bold part above when I first saw it, but the general message is great. I think I told some of you about the first time I went into a commitment crisis after our failed adoption (heartbreaking story for myself and my wife). I had trouble going to church since it was LDS social services and our counselor was our Bpric counselor. At this point, my wife started considering divorce because if I wasn’t going to be active, that blew out her eternal family dreams.

She was close friends with the Primary President who had married a non-member. She was active, and never complained about it. I spoke to her about my plight. How I had changed my heart in accordance with startlingly clear revelation to adopt (something I didn’t want to do), went through the process, and was dropped for the most heartless reason. And then, when it affected my faith, my wife was dropping me too.

She replied “love should transcend that” – meaning the church, and to some extent, even the outcomes associated with a “perfect” gospel life. She then spoke to my wife and helped my wife see our situation differently. I owe a lot to that woman/primary president.

Now that I have children, one TBM, one not, and realize that the only lasting relationships in life are those borne of natural family, my love from non-TBM son is completely and utterly independent of his church activity or orientation.

I feel a burning need to do meaningful service to others – and I kind of feel like I need to do it outside of church in any way.

The good news is that service opportunities are limitless, and that service is not dependent in any way on dogma, doctrine, etcetera — just where you feel your time and passions are best placed. Quite a bit more freedom than in your work, or when aligned with a specific organization.