Sunday’s, Top Leadership and Me

I already sent you a PM so you know a little about how I feel.

Sunday felt like another nail in the coffin. I’ll shoot strait as well. I don’t know exactly how the training went but the implementation has been an addition to the already overly long list of “this is what you aren’t doing correctly in order to see the results you dream of.” You catch more flies with honey but we stay the course with the vinegar. I believe both sides are convinced that the impetus for change is driven externally. When they observe the Sabbath better they’ll come back. I may have fallen into the trap of, when they make the meetings worthwhile people will naturally want to come back. Everyone sees the responsibility elsewhere and the quo statuses for a little longer.

It doesn’t matter, I’m not looking to assign blame, I’m looking to be edified at church meetings. It’s been a long, long drought in my corner of Zion. It’s gone on so long in our ward that they’ve started dumping black plastic balls in all the standing water to keep what little is left from evaporating.

I do know that this isn’t a church wide thing but it is definitely a thing in my area. To extend the abused drought analogy, we’re in a drought and I just saw the 10 day forecast – no rain.

If they did a word cloud for the meetings I’ve attended I think we’d all be embarrassed by how large words like “brethren,” “prophet,” and “leaders” are compared to how large the word “Jesus Christ” is. I don’t think the actual content of the meetings have changed, perhaps I’ve been extra sensitive to the content of the message over the last few months.

That’s why I asked about the training in the forums. Was something lost in translation or is the emphasis I’m seeing mostly mirrored in the training received? I was looking to have some interaction with my church during the 5th Sunday lesson but once again church is a one way communication where most of what is said has little to do with the gospel. For me there’s no interface even at the local level. Why do we expect people to stick around when they aren’t shareholders in the church? I understand unidirectional communication at the global level, but at the local level? Classes where all you do is listen are not stimulating.

Sorry for the rant. I really need to work out some frustrations, I probably need an ear to abuse to do that.

That isn’t the point of this, it is guilting in the highest levels. Yes some wards and Stakes like DJ’s are taking a broader approach and all of us have heard the “no list” thing, but Hawkgrrl’s crossover post from Wheat & Tares hits the nail on the head. And where this sticks in my craw is, the biggest problem and solution lies at the top. Marlin Jensen let us know, that the leadership knows it’s losing people by droves. John Dehlin has had lunches and meetings with Jeffrey Holland, I know of others who have had meetings with Elder Christofferson regarding faith crisis and LGBT issues. They have source material and teams of people who can validate the input, the bloggernacle and face book are not hard to find and read.

The losses they are trying to stop have a different source than just Sabbath Day efforts. As I look around at my ward, I don’t see a bunch of people leaving church and heading off jet-skiing every Sunday. We all get home at noon and have to kill time in slo-mo for the next 10 hours. There is no retention in that. Yes, we supposedly (depending on where you live) can decide now if we want to go jet-skiing or not, but what they really want is buttts in the pews and one foot in front of the other.

1) I really do believe that the Sabbath day observance thing was just a way to round out the HtW theme with perfect the saints. I don’t think it was meant to address the problems that SPs and BPs are having with helping people that are struggling with faith. This Sabbath thing was on the calendar, just like the BoM is on the calendar next year for SS.

2) I believe some leaders recognize the problem for what it is, others do not. The ones that don’t probably believe in the old school answers, read, pray, etc. The ones that do are probably fearful of what would happen should the teachings purposely and explicitly tackle issues head on. They’re probably worried of the implications of a more figurative approach themselves. They probably worry about people that haven’t been exposed. They probably worry about how to keep a church united should they make concerted efforts to relax the correlation of belief. To that I’d say: be not afraid, only believe.

This has been a long rambling vent for me. It comes from frustration, from so desperately wanting to find a way to make the church work for me but coming up dry week after week, month after month, year after year. I finally reached the point where I wanted to raise my voice, be heard, only to find that the opportunity is never given. The church experience is unidirectional. At least in my ward.

You can watch E. Bednar’s remarks on this youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJsDydvpxGQ

And here is the flowchart:

https://scontent.fphx1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xtl1/v/t1.0-9/11889633_10207240272023015_7865329292981834014_n.jpg?oh=f1aa17775bcc70523be9e943e6e72bee&oe=56609F7A

Thanks DJ. I like reading your take on it.

I can see some people LOVING that lists are made, that helps them know what to do…because they can’t feel good about guessing…they want approval by knowing what the accepted practice is and then they can do it.

I get that and it works for some.

It just turns into that is what the apostles said so that is the “only” approved way to keep the sabbath holy, like wearing white shirts, it becomes the cultural accepted standards.

So…like I wore blue shirts, I will likely keep going out to eat on Sunday and give me and my wife a “day of rest” from cooking. I don’t do it to spite anyone. I simply cannot get any answers from anyone why I think it is important to follow their lists of do’s and don’ts.

The only responses I get are that “you’ll be blessed by being obedient”, and that simply doesn’t fly with me. So…they can get off my lawn cause I just don’t really care to hear about it anymore.

I’ll just stick to my service and home teaching and valuable time with family.

I hope to just let it go and not let it bug me as people in the ward and stake will be all uppity about sabbath stuff with this new focus…and I’ll be like..”meh”. Until it gets really in my face from a bishop or something.

Jedi mind trick? For me it will be like…”Move along…these aren’t the droids you’re looking for. Move along.”

My son just moved from Colorado with his mom to wanting to live with me in Montana with my new wife. His friends in Colorado smoked pot and I know he got involved in that because his mom has zero ability to parent him. With me, he has structure, love and fun. He goes to church and was called as 2nd assistant in Priest’s quorum in Montana, enrolled in seminary although he can’t graduate is attending so he can prepare for a mission. He is being taught gospel principles by me. He was being taught rules to follow by his mom (and breaking them all). This is a big part of my feelings on this sabbath subject…for me and my situation…I’m doing what is best for my kids in my situation through my divorce and a mentally ill mother who thinks she is holier than thou and I am an apostate…and yet…by the outwards standards some people believe her…but all my kids know I have an unorthodox but serious view of the gospel, and their mom is orthodox and clueless and evil. My son is graduating from High School in Montana because of how he FEELS in my home and what he is learning from me, not by lists of rules that don’t inspire him.

That’s my experience. We are doing much much better…and it has nothing to do with my views of the Sabbath which to me are Pharisaical. It has to do with love and true gospel principles.

I feel the church leaders are missing this entire viewpoint. Some families need less rules. Some families will have strict rules and still have kids go astray. So far from what I’ve heard, their teachings on Sabbath day miss the mark and don’t understand this point and only cause people confusion and in some cases real hurt and guilt.

Sorry for the length…that’s just how Heber sees it. I could be over reacting.

Sometimes I just think we’ve lost our touch. They’re wringing the life out of something simple and beautiful and almost completely UNRELATED to the problems at hand.

I was traveling and only attended sacrament meeting. Good thing, I guess.

(From that meeting, there was this moment: The bishop wrapping things up, intending to say, “We’d like to thank our speakers,” but instead saying, “We’d like to spank our….” 😳 )

Fwiw, for perspective, Jesus appears to have loved rules, commandments and lists, as well – at least, if we take the Gospels as reasonably representative of his actual words and teachings. He just didn’t love many of the ones enacted by the Pharisees.

I feel for you, friend. Our experiences are impacted significantly by the culture that is influenced so heavily by our local leaders. I hope and pray you find ways to find peace and focus on what is important to you.

Q – Why the emphasis on the Sabbath Day?

A – I believe that in the world we are now living in, the most important thing that parents can do is to fortify their children … spiritually so that we will remain true and faithful to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Is that really answering the question?

Q: Why did you take your kids camping on Sunday?

Heber13: I believe that in the world we are now living in, the most important thing I can do as a parent is to fortify my children spiritually so that they will remain true and faithful to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

:eh:

What am I missing? Am I just being snarky? Because I feel I may be missing something.