Temple’s, Daughters, Joy?

Sorry, Mom. Her intentions are noble enough – I’d say most 26 year old women want to marry and that they dream of a family. I think church culture also complicates the matter.

Sending you hugs.

I swear it never rains but only pours. I am spending the day putting Sunday behind me, distancing myself from the culture and wham-o in my facebook feed pops this quote from my daughter. With a link to a talk by Richard G. Scott

“If you are single and haven’t identified a solid prospect for celestial marriage, live for it. Pray for it. Expect it in the timetable of the Lord. Do not compromise your standards in any way that would rule out that blessing on this or the other side of the veil. The Lord knows the intent of your heart. His prophets have stated that you will have that blessing as you consistently live to qualify for it. We do not know whether it will be on this or the other side of the veil. But live for it. Pray for it.” – Elder Richard G. Scott

Sometimes I need a reminder to not lower my standards. I deserve and can be blessed with a man who is – in every way – worthy of my eternity. I can have an eternal companion who will love me. We can be each other’s chosen one. I can expect someone temple worthy. I can expect someone who knows how to court me and treat me with respect. I can expect someone who considers me special.

I want to cry. First why face book for this? Second it hurts that her self worth is wrapped this way.

A few months ago she texted me during church to announce her intention to take out her endowments, my experience is here http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=6605

At the time I hinted at the “finding a guy” thing. She is 26 I don’t blame her, by church standards she is way past her prime, but church is her anchor and her pain kills me. Today I just want to crawl under a rock and stay there.

I know this hurts a mom’s heart. And what to say or do? No offense to Elder Scott, but that advice – assuming that he means limiting yourself to temple-going LDS men – is such a downer. Ugh. Of course, be your best self, pray for the desires of your heart, but this waiting, hoping, holding out for temple marriage just seems like a grim vigil, not a real life.

mom3,

you have my sympathies. It can be a difficult thing when we feel our kids are getting misguided guidance. My biggest angst over the RGS statement is the strong implication that a woman’s worth is tied to her ability to find a worthy husband. If I could offer a ray of hope here, though. Your daughter also said:

I deserve…

The fact is, she does deserve what she wants. I have seen many young people (seems like it’s mostly girls) who “settle” for someone who isn’t everything that they deserve. Think about it. How many times have you seen a really pretty and well-dressed young woman on the arm a guy that looks like he’s on the way to visit his parole officer. I see it a lot and it always makes me cringe. I know lots of young married women who work hard for schooling, career, family, while their husbands only seem interested in playing video games and watching movies. Personally, I think there is a bit of an epidemic among young men (in and out of the Church) right now, where drive seems to be substantially reduced from prior ages.

Friends – thank you.

I appreciate your outreach and caring for me and her. I like that our group doesn’t throw people under a bus.

In the hours that followed her dad and I tried to process the entire thing. She isn’t a huge face book girl. When she does it’s usually friend photo’s with captions, “Great group to hike with.” or “Had a blast with these guys, tonight.” That alone blew this post out of the water. What was the impetus, to whom was she speaking? It’s still perplexing.

We aren’t surprised by her desire to have a temple marriage. We really assume she will be devout and orthodox her whole life. We even accept responsibility for that, she’s our oldest, she had 18 years of our TBMness (and we were very). So to expect the apple to fall far from the tree is ridiculous. She followed 18 years of home development with four years at the Lord’s University (not Notre Dame). All of this effort is in her soul.

After aching, discussing, venting about it (and the replies who were so supportive) – I came up with my online response, I found an youtube clip of Mr. Rogers singing, “I like you as you are.” It’s black and white, he’s super young, wearing his sweater, swinging on a porch swing and telling the audience, “I wouldn’t want to change you or even re-arrange you.”

I do want her and all my kids to find a good spouse. Even when I was TBM, I hinted (should have been louder) to them to find people that they liked. I even encouraged their crushes on non-members. I still want that and if Peter Priesthood does turn out to be good – then God Bless. In the meantime though – I want my girls to fly. To chase their skills, their dreams, their talents. This daughter is smart – whip smart, she was inline for the Presidents Scholarship at BYU and other big Universities came calling after her ACT score. She used to love to take apart broken things to see how they’d work, she spent hours building with knex, she hated babysitting, and avoids the little cousins until they are 5. She’s not typical and I think that’s what hurt the most. Because of culture she feels less than she is.

I just want to hold her, hug her and tell her – don’t listen to them. You can do that temple marriage stuff later. Live now. Maybe I will get to in November when I visit with her. We will see.