Should I speak to the Bishop?

It does seem like you are on their radar as a project.

I won’t answer your question directly on “should” you tell your bishop. But if you decide to I can suggest that you not use the word “torture”. I wouldn’t want to send vibes to the bishop that you are being stubborn or rebellious, but instead help invoke their sense of charity and symphathy. I have found that most bishops are actually caring people. I would assume they see it as “he will be just more filled with the spirit the more meetings he attends”, so they feel like they are trying to help you.

So instead I would say, “I like attending Sacrament meeting and I feel good after that meeting, but when I go the entire 3 hours I come away drained and very unfulfilled, like I don’t want to come the following week. So I am doing the best that I can. I fear if I am strong-armed to feel like I am not welcome if I only come to Sacrament meeting, then my decision might be to skip that also. I don’t want that.”

I tend to be in the direct with people so they know where they stand. However, this can also burn bridges and make you subject to long-term labels. But it has the effect of stopping the unwanted behavior, such as asking you to stay for the meetings other than sacrament meeting.

I might be inclined to tell the missionaries and the Bishop that at this point in your spiritual journey, you feel happier, and more spiritually fed with staying for an hour. You are not sure you can sustain activity with three hours of church on Sunday. Don’t go into specifics about why, even if they ask. But then leave yourself open to changing. Indicate you hope that will change in the future, but that is how you feel right now.

If they press for reasons, indicate you can’t put your finger on it — you just find that the three hours is difficult for you and it is interfering with how you feel about church at this time. In leaving early, you are doing what you have to do in order to stay committed.

Also, consider moving it around. Go to Sacramement meeting one week, SS the next, and the other meeting on a subsequent week. This way each leader sees you once every three weeks and your absence is less conspicuous.

As others have said, I recommend not being specific should you decide to talk to anyone. No good will come of it. The kind of “thanks for your concern” or “this is where I’m at” response is good, without any detail. Generally the active types who have never seriously questioned don’t understand anything further than that.

WOW! You people are awesome!

Yes, I am on their radar as their little project. Most of the time, I do not mind. The missionaries call every Sunday morning to see if I am coming to church. They also stop by at least once a week. I was fine with it until last week when they asked who I could invite to learn about the gospel. How do you approach someone when you feel the way I do……. “Hi. Want to come to my church where you will be tortured on Sunday for 3 hours and they will ask all kinds of ridiculous things of you that you could never accomplish (FHE, genealogy, a calling, temple attendance, service projects, cleaning the church building at 7am on a Saturday morning, feeding the missionaries, getting your kids to Seminary at an ungodly hour EVERY FREAKING morning)?”

I like your advice (not saying “tortured” even though I really want to say it, give little details, etc). BUT…. how are things ever going to change? I think if more members voiced their disagreement, things would change. I am probably optimistic on that, but I do not think we should suffer in silence…..and I feel I am suffering by the unrealistic expectations of church leaders.

I am so glad I found this forum!!!!!

There is a woman in my ward who now only goes to Sacrament Meeting. Her children are grown and gone, her husband disaffected. She is friendly, but clear. A handshake, a hug, a smiling hello and then a quiet walk out the door.

In my parents ward a couple has chosen to only attend 9 am Sacrament Meeting. It doesn’t matter what ward has that time slot, that’s when they go to church. They too do it with a smile and cordiality.

The recent Sabbath training focused a lot on Sacrament being the main purpose of services. You can use that as your support line if you really feel pushed. “I am here to take the Sacrament and love the meeting we do it in.” After that you can be done.

WOW! You people are awesome!

Yes, I am on their radar as their little project. Most of the time, I do not mind. The missionaries call every Sunday morning to see if I am coming to church. They also stop by at least once a week. I was fine with it until last week when they asked who I could invite to learn about the gospel. How do you approach someone when you feel the way I do……. “Hi. Want to come to my church where you will be tortured on Sunday for 3 hours and they will ask all kinds of ridiculous things of you that you could never accomplish (FHE, genealogy, a calling, temple attendance, service projects, cleaning the church building at 7am on a Saturday morning, feeding the missionaries, getting your kids to Seminary at an ungodly hour EVERY FREAKING morning)?”

I like your advice (not saying “tortured” even though I really want to say it, give little details, etc). BUT…. how are things ever going to change? I think if more members voiced their disagreement, things would change. I am probably optimistic on that, but I do not think we should suffer in silence…..and I feel I am suffering by the unrealistic expectations of church leaders.

I am so glad I found this forum!!!!!

I have taken to telling the missionaries that I take a much more passive stance on missionary work. I live the gospel, people know I’m Mormon. If they want to know more I’ll tell them, and if they get to a point where they are ready for the missionaries I will refer them. If a missionary pushes I become much more direct and tell them to knock it off (nicely). Having been a missionary and having a missionary child, I recognize what they’re up against. They’re just trying to do what they think is right. FWIW, dumping on them is a really bad idea – worse than dumping on the bishop IMO. Missionaries are not mature enough to deal with the issues and in many cases are fragile enough themselves that they can be thrown into a tailspin – not something I want to do to them.

I don;t disagree with what SD says right above me, though. You could gently let them know they don’t need to call you on Sunday.

Old-Timer wrote:

No.

“Thanks for your concern,” with a smile, is my advice.

I agree with Ray on this one. Anything you say will be distorted and take on a life of its own.

Maybe add, “Elders, I appreciate the calls you have made to check on me, but calls are not necessary. Thank you so much.