Untwisting our Twisted Thinking

This article broaches the positive psychology domain….Martin Seligman said that people who suffer from negative moods do so because their ruminations about events lead them to believe that negatives are:

Permanence: Optimistic people believe bad events to be more temporary than permanent and bounce back quickly from failure, whereas others may take longer periods to recover or may never recover. They also believe good things happen for reasons that are permanent, rather than seeing the transient nature of positive events. Optimists point to specific temporary causes for negative events; pessimists point to permanent causes.

Pervasiveness: Optimistic people compartmentalize helplessness, whereas pessimistic people assume that failure in one area of life means failure in life as a whole. Optimistic people also allow good events to brighten every area of their lives rather than just the particular area in which the event occurred.

Personalization: Optimists blame bad events on causes outside of themselves, whereas pessimists blame themselves for events that occur. Optimists are therefore generally more confident. Optimists also quickly internalize positive events while pessimists externalize them.

So, the person who has a wayward child would think the child is wayward now, but that could change. The causes are not permanent. Many people undergo massive change as they get older, and my child can do the same.

The optimistic person would not say that “no other success can compensate for failure in the home”. This makes the wayward child effect generalizeable to all aspects of life. The fact is, success at work, is success at work. It should be celebrated. Should we sacrifice family for our work? At times, yes, at most other times, no. But having a wayward child does not nullify the many successes in the rest of our lives.

The optimistic person would not blame themself for their childrens’ waywardness. They would point to their attempts to bring the child to church, and the things they DID do as parents to help. They would point to good Mormons who raise children according to the LDS textbook and still have less active children.

So, belief that circumstances are always permanent, pervasive, and personal is a recipe for poor mental health. Talks on wayward children should inspire hope, not place blame. As SWK said, “we should be the happiest people on earth”. Well, that means rejecting thinking that makes non-successes appear permanent, pervasive, and personal — even if those statements come from people in authority, whether formal or not.