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What is the funniest, most bizarre, or unusual situation you have seen at church. I have two:
1. A woman in our ward in her early 40’s died of cancer. She was diagnosed with terminal uterine cancer and gone within a 3 month period. Her husband had a long reputation as being “unusual”. At her funeral, he stood up and announced his engagement. I had never seen a funeral combined with an engagement party before ..
2. We had a big family reunion and everyone attended services together. F&T meeting and a man stands up and starts talking smack about his ex-wife, the bishop, and the restraining order that he was violating by being there. Within 5 minutes, there was a full set of police to haul him off the pulpit in handcuffs and take him away.
Family consensus was that we needed to attend that ward more often.
On #2, I expect you had few people napping. The following thread is from 2011 on Times & Seasons. Hilarious! Wacky, but True( http://timesandseasons.org/index.php/2011/01/wacky-but-true/ 1) On my mission, a mentally challenged young man was baptizing his mother. They were in the water together. The son raised his hand to the square and said “I solemnly do swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God”. 2) I was asked to baptize this 285 pound, 6’4″ texan. I am 5′ 3.5″ or so. He had to kneel in the font so I could make it work. After he came up, and was sitting in the audience again, the WML said “Mr. Texan is clean and pure like a new born baby”. He replies in his thick accent (important for the humor), from the audience “Biggest Baby YOU ever laid eyes on”!
When we lived in Missouri and attended church in Illinois: 1) A young man who was visiting on Fast Sunday stood up and bore his testimony that the Bible was the only true word of God and all who believed otherwise would end up in Hell. He finished and then walked straight out of the building. To the day we moved, nobody saw him again or knew who he was. (Probably not a good three Nephite story.)
2) in Sunday School, while studying Church History and the time of the exodus from Missouri to that exact town in Illinois (Quincy), someone characterized everyone in Missouri negatively (kind of like an Ohio – Michigan rivalry tirade), saw us and said, “Present company excepted.”
For added context, we were the only active members of the ward living in Missouri at the time, but our stake had two ward and one branch building located in Missouri – and two of the members of the Stake Presidency lived there.
When we lived in a small town in North Texas, we had a very old cowboy-type type in our ward. He was well past 90, and had seen a lot of cultural changes in his life. In Sunday School, he was asked to give the closing prayer. He thanked God that none of us had been born “Black”. Um .. There wasn’t a single Amen at the end, just shocked silence. In one ward, there was an older man who was a bit hard of hearing, so he talked in a rather loud voice. He also was country-raised old school. We were talking about turning the other cheek, and he said, essentially: Quote:That’s all well and good, but sometimes you have to throw the first punch and kick ass. None of this sissy stuff.
Quote:In one ward, there was an older man who was a bit hard of hearing, so he talked in a rather loud voice. He also was country-raised old school. We were talking about turning the other cheek,
We had a similar one in that vein, except the response was
Quote:Can’t do it too long, pretty soon you run out of cheeks.
When we lived in TX, there was a busload of elderly ladies who would come in from a local assisted living facility. They would sit together in RS and hijack the lesson every chance they got. Usually all they wanted to talk about was the movie Shenandoah.The teacher would mention something about love or sacrifice or whatever, and one of them would raise her hand and declare, “Everything you need to know about love can be learned from Shenandoah!” Then they’d spend the rest of the time talking loudly about the movie, mostly going over and over the plot. One woman would just start listing all the actors and the parts they played. The poor teacher would try so hard to get the lesson back on track, but they’d just talk over her. The RS president talked with them, but nothing changed. No one knew what to do with them. I enjoyed RS so much. Those ladies were hilarious! SG, let’s organize a mormon bus to their assisted living center & hijack one of their meetings? “Everything you need in life you can get in a Quentin Tarantino movie”. Discuss.
That poor RS President.
I served in a Deaf ward on my mission and most of the people there (I loved them all) didn’t have a full dozen eggs. There was one particular family that you could count on for fast and testimony meeting to have an outrageous testimony from Columbus to Indiana Jones. Not kidding. The missionaries did voice overs for the hearing folk in the ward and we tended to keep it on topic, but for those who knew sign, it was pretty funny. I remember there was another talk given which was pretty graphic (I think it involved catapulting babies) and the missionary doing the voice over didn’t realize where it was headed until too late. There were some of the hearing members who had to walk out. We had a talk with the woman after, that it wasn’t appropriate. Oh I have so many stories from that ward. I love them, but they could get outrageous. In my last ward, there was a guy who whistled all of the hymns. And it wasn’t a quiet whistle. It was LOUD! He even bore his testimony once, and he talked about how God blessed him with a love of music, but forgot to bless him with a good singing voice. So, he practiced whistling until he became great at it. He said that his whistle was one of his gifts from God, to make up for his poor singing voice. And, I’ve got to admit he could whistle quite a tune, but my favorite part was watching the reactions of any visitors each week. TataniaAvalon wrote:I served in a Deaf ward on my mission
So did I — and apparently, the deaf don’t mask their anal gas very well. Throughout sacrament meeting people would be letting them rip the whole time. Of course, us hearing people could hear it, but they seemed oblivious and otherwise reverent at the same time. I think Mike Myers (from Austin Powers) could have a field day with that situation.
In Sacrament the EQ president at the time gave a talk with the stake president sitting on the stand. The EQ president made a joke about the stake president looking at his playboy instead of listening to the talk. He meant to say Game Boy. The meeting continued without anything else happening and the stake president spoke w/o refering the playboy remark. After the EQ president accused the SP of reading playboy at church I looked at my wife and asked “did he just say playboy?” My wife got angry and told me to get my mind out of the gutter. Later that night the EQ pres emailed the entire ward and apologized. He was appalled and hadn’t realized until later about his mistake. Oh it was funny and we teased him for months.
We had an older very executive Type A personality giving a talk in SM. He talked for a full 15 minutes. He talked a lot about organizations. But every time he meant to say “organization,” he said “orgasm” instead. He had the ward’s complete attention.
Afterwards, the RS presidency was having a great laugh over it. The RS presidency were all widowed or divorced. He looked them up and down and said, “Well, it’s certainly nothing any of YOU would know anything about.”
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