Religious Leaders Resign over Ashley Madison Hack

I personally have no sympathy for them, as a group. There might be some in situations that would elicit a degree of sympathy, but I am not crying over this leak or its impact.

I wonder if the commitment to non-judgmentalism that I have made to myself and others applies to people who signed up for Ashley Madison accounts?

Somewhere in there he says even self-inflicted wounds need care. I sure feel sorry for the spouses, children and congregations involved as they try to figure out who gives that care. I honestly don’t think I could do it, especially as spouse. I wouldn’t pile on, but I’d have to keep some distance.

As much as I don’t believe in, or agree with having an affair (and have never had one), here is how I feel about the people involved.

1. Some may have been on Ashley Madison because they were in a marriage where their partner refused intimacy with them for decades. Not that it’s their partners’ fault that they sought an affair– it’s their own, but this circumstance may have driven them to exercise poor judgment or put pressure on them. Extreme circumstances can really alter a person’s thinking and encourage behavior they would otherwise not do.

2. Some may have seen it as an alternative to breaking up their families. With children at home — they were planning to break off their marriage after their children were grown in 15 years and saw extra-marital relationships as an alternative to help them cope in the short-term. Not a great strategy (some say divorce is easier on kids than the staying in a dysfunctional marriage, but not all unhappy couples see it that way).

3. Others may have been in one of these marriages where BOTH partners are involved in infidelity, but they stay together for economic or other reasons.

4. Some may have been the kind that “do it” once and then feel terrible and straighten up forever. One of my co-workers fell into this category. Had an affair, and got pregnant. She fretted out it. When she got a DNA test back and found the child was her husband’s she straightened up for the rest of her marriage (so far). Her counselor told her NOT to tell her husband because he’d never seen it strengthen a marriage to share the details of a affair that the adulterer regretted and had repented of. Instead, she invested in her relationship with her husband and now, they are together and happy. Their family is stable.

5. Some of the Ashley Madison accounts may have been in the names of fictitious people, or faked names/identities/credit cards so the real potential adulterers’ identity would not be leaked if something like this happened. Therefore, people may be judging and disbelieving perfectly innocent people.

Again, I’m not agreeing with the behavior, but I have made a commitment to try to look at untoward behavior with far less harshness and judgmentalism than I have in the past. It’s my reaction to the judgmentalism being a Mormon breeds in character if one is not careful.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/pastor-outed-in-ashley-madison-hack-commits-suicide/ar-AAe6blU?li=BBgzzfc&ocid=iehp

Beloved pastor and seminary teacher commits suicide over the leak.

I get it. They went to a internet service and paid money to potentially get set up with an extra-marital affair. They were at least interested in the concept of secretly breaking their marital vows (based on the gender imbalance reported from the site I am not sure how many were successful in actually securing an affair).

but when someone decides to take their life because of shame…. How would it change the equation for me if it were my friend, my dad, my brother, or my son?

I do not have any suggestions. I am just sad for all the pain that so many people are experiencing.

Let me first say that the concept of the site itself makes me sick.

Having said that, the number of people exposed represents a negligible percentage of the people living today who have had extra-marital affairs. Singling this group out like this is unfair. We all have had moral failures at some level. And as Paul said, “While we still were sinners Christ died for us.”

We often talk about “shaming” as if it is an LDS thing, but my view is that in this connected age, shaming is a part of online life that is widely accepted. We even do it here. We may not use names, but we use “woman in my ward”, “the bishop”, and “a friend”, sometimes even “DH/DW” and then apply shaming terms for our own benefit and then go around the room looking for validation.

I don’t really have sympathy for people caught cheating, but I do have sympathy for people judged in the public domain without the ability to defend themselves. Some of these people might be in broken marriages. Some might be emotionally repressed due to sexual issues. I’m not condoning, but just recognizing that there are probably some names on the list that have special circumstances. We have no idea about them individually, but what we do have is their names. If StayLDS were hacked and all our real names published in the Deseret News, I suspect that we would have strong emotions about it… and would hope that our friends would act toward us charitably.

I am not doing anything wrong here…so, I guess I don’t fear that much.

I agree, and that’s how I feel as well. Yet, there are those who would disagree with “not doing anything wrong here.” I still guard my privacy and don’t want my name revealed to be judged by others who don’t feel the same way I do. I don’t use my real name here. But anyone who wants to tell us their real name, feel free. In fact, I think everyone who is willing should say their real name, right here on this thread. Please include the town you live in and the name of your home ward.