No Support Needed – Just Venting

I’m so sorry.

I play the “I attend a different Ward” card. That way they know you are still involved. So, you don’t come across as apostate. Problem for them, nothing is visible. So they can’t be judgmental, except for your decision to dismiss the Ward boundary rule. All they have to go on, is what you disclose. I just say “we attend a different Ward now”. If they ask for reasons, I point to bullying of my daughter and my inability to get anyone to go to our home ward.

This has worked so well that the WML came over with missionaries and asked for referrals recently. We still receive home teachers once a quarter. The WML and missionaries will show up in a week or two to ask who we have available for them to teach. No apparent knowledge of just how much I’ve degenerated since the good old days when we were fully committed to our own Ward. And so, I don’t feel like a service project — only someone they want to woo back to the Ward so they can put me in leadership

It works even better if the Ward you attend is in a different Stake. Use church policies and barriers to your advantage…

Someone once said the only thing worse than being hated is being ignored.

I personally feel bad giving people false hope as they come around to my house. In a way, I think it’s better for them to know there isn’t a lot of hope and they should move on to another project. So, although some think being ignored is the worst thing, I think calling off the dogs can be a good thing for the sake of the active Mormons’ time.

What a great story!

mom, I’m sorry about the awkward moments. Knowing that I could become a project is part of what keeps me in and under the radar.

This is partly why I like working in non profits. There is no assumption that people will care about u. Or serve u when u r in need. You are there to make a contribution to society and don’t view the organization as a community but as a place to express your skills and desire to help others.

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Thanks – so many great insights and support. I am still trying to figure out why this riled me so much. I have been a member all my life, I know how the process works, I shouldn’t be surprised. Our few minute chat wasn’t too bad. Nothing deep, but they fulfilled their assignment (or were still looking for the bathroom – we may never know), it was only 10 minutes but it hit a nerve like I haven’t felt in a while.

I do know that some people would be thrilled to have the drop by. Whether they were lonely or praying for the missionaries or just good ol’ supportive members. I have friends and family with kids out in the field, to have a house to sit down in and chat is probably very nice after door knocking, boredom, and rejection.

To the best of my grasping it was the lines about “Praying and inspired to visit you” and “Leaving us a message” that smacked me.

They didn’t create the rules, they are barely out of high school, they are still learning to ask guys out, so who can blame them for the weirdness. At the same time it made me really defensive. I did feel intruded upon, I am an active ward member, I participate in classes and have a calling. Yes my husband doesn’t but sending two pretty twenty somethings isn’t the answer. Or if it is we have a huge other problem. I guess I felt like a number. “#52 your orders up.” or “Clean up on aisle 7.” We teach each other to do just that, subtle digs.

I paced my kitchen for awhile about it. My agnostic husband was less bothered than I was, he went to sleep. I couldn’t. In my pacing all I could hear were those famous JS words, “All these things shall give the experience.” Yippee. I won’t ever be in another ward or stake council, I won’t get to share what it feels like to be door stopped because someone has judged you “lost” and in need of “rescue”. That experience – big lot of help. Yes I get the idea that I probably did something just as thoughtless to someone else before, probably even on some errand from PEC or the like. It made me cringe.

Part of me wanted to shout “To whoever is running this faith crisis show, I didn’t ask for this. I did all the right stuff, I served with sincerity, I paid money and time, and faith. I read scriptures, I attended the temple, did the visiting teaching. And this – this journey of discovery is what I get. That and two young girls who probably don’t even know what their school majors are, are sitting in my front room feeling virtuous for reaching out to the lost old lady. They have no idea what callings I have served in, what lessons I have taught, what leadership experiences I have overseen, or what GA’s I’ve eaten lunch with. (On that note does Elder Dellenbaugh of the 70 count as a GA, and likewise the deceased President James E. Faust.) If I am lost – I know where the building is, I can find my way back. In fact I will be there next Sunday, just like I was 2 weeks ago.”

I didn’t shout because everyone was asleep and I knew it wouldn’t change things. I am still surprised by the impact. As you can read I will be working on cooling down for another month or so. I know this will drift off, that some real problem will fill it’s space, it always does. I am just glad to have all of you to sit with me, listen to me, and share your thoughts. It helps a lot.

Years ago, we visited Temple Square and took the kids to see the Christus. Two sister missionaries sucked up hard for a few minutes and then DEMANDED that we give them names of friends that they could submit for follow up visits. They were a little scary in their pressure sales tactics.

I’ve been back to SLC a couple time since .. And I have avoided Temple Square. I’m afraid of the missionaries. Too much zeal.

I would not want that on on my doorstep.

What would happen if there was a greater focus on actually caring .. And less focus on numbers? I don’t think any of us want to just be a statistic of attendance. I like to think God cares more about us as individuals than he does about how many pages of scripture we each read today. I wish the church would take a step away from thinking like a corporation.

A few months ago, our ward was involved in a community wide effort to renovate older homes. We worked really hard all day and made some huge changes on a home. The elderly owner was so grateful. Then the missionaries showed up and demanded that they be able to give a lesson. My efforts, my labor, my donations were all freely given. The missionaries made it look like the recipients of our labor were required to listen. They turned it into some weird “Free Steak Dinner if you listen to our Sales Pitch” moment.