- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
I converted to the church in early 2010. Pretty much the whole time I have felt like I was in a faith crisis. I always went because I was married to a decent lds woman. She left me about a year ago and I stopped attending. I have recently had experiences that have brought me back to the gospel. It is my goal to stay the rest of my day read endure to the end. The reason I want to be on this forum is to help me stay out of another faith crisis and maybe help somebody else. Welcome. May you find some peace and solace here Welcome. I wish you success on your goal. I hope you find us helpful. There are many great hearted and intelligent people here. Feel free to search the archives, practically every topic has been discussed. If an old one grabs you bring it up front, it’s good for us to look at things with new eyes. If your questions aren’t there, throw them out and we will have a go at them. Best of luck with your healing and journey ahead. Welcome to our Island of Misfit Toys. Our intent is to help build individual faith and help people find peace, hopefully while continuing in the LDS Church. Welcome Tyler. Glad you found us and joined to share your story. As a pretty recent convert, do you feel like you were told a lot about church history or did not a lot of that matter much?
Just curious.
Sounds like you are moving forward in life and have found some good things about the church that help you, which is good. There are good people in the church, not everyone, but for the most part there is good reason for you to want to stay.
Welcome.
I don’t feel like I was misled much at all about church history. There was of course the common response to polygamy that there were more women than men. I never believed it because I was looking up church history from the jump. My conversion was based off reading the BOM, miracles and a powerful witness watching Safety for the Soul by Holland. Well, I think that’s awesome. 
At risk of exposing myself — I simply don’t care anymore — I will share what really killed it from the beginning. The question asking rather you have had a gay experience or whatever it is prior to baptism. I had one, but I was too ashamed to admit it. Before that question I had a powerful miracle spiritual experience happen that made my faith very strong. It was so strong in fact that I was going perfectly and truly straight in the gospel — not having sex with girlfriend, not doing anything bad, quit everything with a drop, was determined to serve a mission. That question killed me and I am surprised my ex or the missionaries did not see my face drop to new depths when that question was asked. This is my first time admitting it and I would never admit it in person under any circumstance especially knowing the hoops you have to fly through with the church. Needless to say, I think that is a bad and faith destroying question. After that question, I reverted immediately back to everything I was doing before and was doing even worse. I still have faith, but it is hard to jump over that hurdle. I never think my faith will go back to what it was prior to that question. 😮 Welcome. As others have said, this is a good and safe place and there really are some good-hearted people here. There are good members where you live, too. Am I understanding you right that your faith crisis is related to that question and that you weren’t truthful about it? I agree with you that it’s a bad question, and I don’t agree with how the church treats gay members. If it’s a matter of guilt, confess to Heavenly Father and/or Jesus and move on. Yes, I lied. It is not something I am particularly proud of. As far as your advice it makes sense. It is the right thing to do. The problem is having to confess to a Bishop thereby tainting me at my new ward. At the end of the day, I know the Savior is what matters most. With that said, I will probably take your advice and let the consequences follow so to speak. That still does not change that the question exists damaging faith and possibly causing investigators not to join. The more I think about it that seems like the only reason the question would exist — to keep “gays” out. I frankly don’t understand the question, don’t think it is church policy to ask it (would have to check the CHI on this), and think it is flat out wrong for it to be asked. While I don’t condone lying…in the heat of the moment being surprised by such an inappropriate question…it is not the worst reaction. So I don’t blame you.
One thing I agree with you is that discretion serves you well. You have to protect yourself, and I’ve been in leadership positions and know I was trying to do the right thing, but handled things wrongly…and the members I wronged did not have to put up with it…they called me out on it. As they should have.
That is part of the church experience…dealing with leaders that are trying, but are sometimes flat out wrong.
Talking to leaders should always be done with trust they mean well…but not blind trust they are right and we have to answer everything. Sometimes we really should decline to answer anything that seems wrong to us. And sometimes in the moment when we don’t know if it is right or wrong…we answer vaguely or nuanced so we can figure it out later, and return to it if needed.
But in my opinion…that question was wrong…and should not be asked…and we should not feel the need to offer up everything to a volunteer leader who is doing their best but is sometimes very off track because of their limited experience. They often do not have any more experience with matters than we do…so we should feel fine about keeping things to ourselves that we want to.
The important thing I heard you say is that you had a significant spiritual experience. I have too, and considered myself converted in some forms. Those cannot and should not be dismissed because the church leaders or others in the ward are not perfect and are muddling through their own journey. The strong experiences we have tell us something…and are good for us to hold on to…while we deal with others in the church and practice our religion by being humble, sustaining leaders, speaking up for ourselves, and searching for meaning behind the experiences we have.
Just to be perfectly clear, I’m not suggesting you talk to your bishop about it. If you really feel you must, then do so. He can’t forgive you for it and depending on who it is he might punish you for it. As far as I’m concerned these types of thing are much more between God and the individual. What’s done is done, you can’t go back and change it. I agree that the question seems aimed at keeping gays out. Yet, the church teaches that gays can be active, hold callings, serve missions, and hold temple recommends. BUT, they can’t get married or have sex even though they didn’t choose to be gay just as no one chose to be heterosexual. There’s dichotomy there, and perhaps a double standard for those who were born members and those who were not. The gay issue was not part of my faith crisis, but it is one of my issues post crisis.
I agree, DJ. And I want to be clear also how I think about it….there is nothing to talk to a bishop about with this. Nothing. But…you can take from it a reminder on how to deal with leaders in the future.
Heber, since you have been in leadership positions what do they annotate on membership records? Welcome. This is my perspective, mine alone.
I don’t believe there are sins that absolutely require a confession to the bishop. I view the purpose of confessing to the bishop as a means of reaching out to someone for help in overcoming sin,
notas a final step to reconcile with the lord. We may need someone to lean on to overcome swearing. It’s not on the classic list of sins that require confession but if we need help with it we can “confess” to the bishop. There are a few sins on that classic list of sins that require confession but if I feel at peace with the lord then what else do I really need? If I feel the lord telling me “Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter?” I need go no further.
There is this thing called leadership roulette. You never know the mind of your local leaders. I’ve had some bishops that felt like their role was to dole out punishment, I’ve had some bishops that felt like their role was to kill sin with an outpouring of love, and I’ve had everything in between.
If there’s a pointed question during one of the many interviews we have as members of the church I don’t feel the need to confess if I feel as though I’ve repented and moved on. The lord said “Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.” I don’t need to rehash my life story in every interview. If I feel at peace with the lord with respect to my past then I can work on forgetting just as the lord has forgotten.
Welcome to StayLDS.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.