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I’ve been struggling with church issues on an off, but have been able to make things work and actually remain very faithful and committed through sources like Mormon Stories or Mormon Matters, and lies of reading and listening. The recent policy change debacle pushed me to the point of no longer being sure of I can still remain pay of this church.
I feel that even the online resources are no longer enough. I feel that what would help is some understanding and sharing worth real life local members.
Most of us seem to have some longing to have a real person to talk to face to face. A few of us have such individuals. The trick is finding them, I suppose. Just because one isn’t a local leader doesn’t mean they won’t report to one, so you have to be careful. I have a couple people in my ward I can share some things with, but no one knows the full extent of my unorthodoxy. Frankly I’d be concerned about emailing – as a manager I have been taught to avoid putting some things in writing, and I think the principle applies in this situation. Sara – you are not alone and I think a lot of people will look back at this month as when a change took place. You might check
http://www.mormonspectrum.org/http://www.mormonspectrum.org/” class=”bbcode_url”> One question is if you are in a place where the church is strong (Utah, Idaho, Arizona) or more in the “mission field”?
In my opinion, it’s never wise to share any kind of disaffection with your local leaders. There are very few people who will accept it in a way that is good for you. As soon as you are dissaffected, or having trouble with faith and other issues, many people will see you as part of the out-group in the church, and treat you that way. I have learned to relate to the church on my own terms — using carefully crafted language and keeping it there as a resource in case I need it. You can still live a good life without being a traditional Mormon. Find ways to contribute to humanity and be spiritual that are independent of the church.
To answer the respondents’ questions: – I’m in what would be considered the mission field
– my local leaders are already aware, so I’m not worried about that. They are the first ones I notifies.
saraltx, I too live in a community that is considered in the mission field. Here are considerations I would make before extending myself to members of your congregation.
Is it a large metropolitan community or small town?
Is the population diverse? Is there a mixture of minorities & gay population?
Is there educational diversity? Are there college students in your ward?
Is there economic diversity? Combination of rich & Poor?
What you would want is a variety of opinions & viewpoints to choose from,
without judgement attached. Begin by asking questions of people that are “non-committal”.
For example: Have you read the new church policy? What does it mean to you? Can you explain it to me?
I’m trying to wrap my head around it. Then you can get more specific.
It may take time but, it’s worth the effort.
I have specific people in my ward that I’ve know for years that help me all the time.
There are friendships that have been cultivated over time.
Good luck. You always have us. I hope it helps.
saraltx wrote:To answer the respondents’ questions:
– I’m in what would be considered the mission field
– my local leaders are already aware, so I’m not worried about that. They are the first ones I notifies.
Do you think people in your ward care to listen to what you have to say? My experience has mostly been that active members don’t want to hear criticism of the church or church leadership, or even thoughtful and faithful questions. There are some who are more open than others, but most are not super interested in an alternative point of view. Hence this site’s existence. Rather than using email, if there are a couple you think might lend you a listening ear or shoulder to lean on perhaps you could consider inviting them to dinner or some other out of church setting.
DarkJedi wrote:Do you think people in your ward care to listen to what you have to say? My experience has mostly been that active members don’t want to hear criticism of the church or church leadership, or even thoughtful and faithful questions. There are some who are more open than others, but most are not super interested in an alternative point of view. Hence this site’s existence. Rather than using email, if there are a couple you think might lend you a listening ear or shoulder to lean on perhaps you could consider inviting them to dinner or some other out of church setting.
I’m not particularly interested in getting fully orthodox faithful members to listen to me; more in identifying with certainty the ones more open to such issues – they certainly must exist in just about any ward. Online communities are great and have been extremely helpful, but at this time I feel like some real life supportive interaction on the local level is what I’m missing. I thought of the dinner invitation, but that may not always be considered appropriate in some cases.
saraltx wrote:DarkJedi wrote:I’m not particularly interested in getting fully orthodox faithful members to listen to me; more in identifying with certainty the ones more open to such issues – they certainly must exist in just about any ward. Online communities are great and have been extremely helpful, but at this time I feel like some real life supportive interaction on the local level is what I’m missing. I thought of the dinner invitation, but that may not always be considered appropriate in some cases.
Hence my earlier comment about the trick being finding them. You are right, they almost certainly exist in any ward, although many are likely not active. Using evolution as an example, I have plenty of very educated and intelligent people in my ward. There are a couple who subscribe to the young earth ideation, some who believe the “days” are much longer creative periods but that Adam and Eve were created much like what the scriptures describe and were literal, and those of us who believe evolution was the way God created Adam and Eve. Those three groups are not hard and fast, there are people all along the spectrum with a mix of beliefs. I don’t usually know who is who, but some I do know. So, I can’t just strike up a conversation about my beliefs on evolution in SS or at the ward Christmas party in mixed company. It can be very tricky sometimes, yet sometimes the only way to find out is to have the conversation. Even then, I’m not sure anyone else in my ward believes exactly the way I do – and those on the opposite end of the spectrum can be hostile, while there are also some who are fragile. I’m pretty much “out” in my ward – but there is no one I feel comfortable discussing all (or even most) of my questions, doubts, uncertainties, and disbeliefs with. A fellow high priest in our meeting today pointed out that Mormons are very good at judging others on what they believe and do – and he’s absolutely correct.
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