Planning my return to church

You have to do what you believe is best for you (meaning entire family) – but you have to let go of expectations on everyone else, as well, if you want to be happy.

God bless and good luck.

And so, I am planning my return to church when the new building is ready — close to home. My reasons are many — to be there for my son, who needs socialization. To make my wife and daughter happy, particularly with my daughter’s soon graduation from our household and move far away to university.

:thumbup:

My plan is to offer to serve again, but “without surrender” — on my own terms. Some of you know i’m not a proponent of the church’s conscription model of callings and releases. Also, that I have my own thing going in a non-profit where I get my real service fulfillment.

Therefore will offer to be a counselor in the YM’s working with the age group of my son, or even just an advisor or secretary who puts on activities for the boys. There will have to be two terms though:

a) No expectation that I teach anything.

b) That if the calling no longer works for me, they will release me within two weeks.

I would like to run activities for the boys once or twice a month. I will have to assert myself about a TR as I don’t want one right now.

Do you know for certain that those are the only callings you’d accept, or are you making the offer as more of a suggestion and a heads-up to them that you feel free to say no (or “no thank-you”) to callings?

I am not sure you can tell them what calling you want to have, but you can certainly turn down any you do not want.

I think you should return- on your terms. That is what I am trying to do. I go only to sacrament because that is what I can do at this point. If someone asks me why I am not going to the other meetings (or doing a myriad of other stupid things the church asks), I will just reply that “I am doing what Elder Uchtdorf said and I simplifying my approach to the gospel”.

I loved that talk– https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/it-works-wonderfully?lang=eng

My favorite quote: But sometimes we take the beautiful lily of God’s truth and gild it with layer upon layer of man-made good ideas, programs, and expectations. Each one, by itself, might be helpful and appropriate for a certain time and circumstance, but when they are laid on top of each other, they can create a mountain of sediment that becomes so thick and heavy that we risk losing sight of that precious flower we once loved so dearly.

Good luck with your plan.

I want to grab a bag of popcorn, sit back, and see how this plays out.

Keep us posted. OFTEN.

I don’t see anything wrong with your approach, either. It is essentially what I did. I met with my bishop and told him I was planning to come back and made it clear I may not attend all meetings. I had a calling so I didn’t directly address the idea of different/new callings but I think he did get the idea I was not open to any or all callings (which doesn’t matter at this point because we have a new bishop).

I don’t see anything wrong with setting some boundaries and expectations. If you don’t intend to accept a calling as executive secretary (for example) it seems as though it might save the bishopric and stake leadership some time and effort if they know that up front. Likewise, if they know you have an affinity for doing certain things and they have a need in those areas, it seems like they’d like to know that. From my own experience I wouldn’t expect the leadership to “know” or be inspired about any certain calling, assignment, or whatever. While I do believe inspiration in such matters is possible, I also believe it rarely happens or perhaps it does happen but isn’t recognized. I spent many years waiting for leaders to be inspired – it’s not worth the frustration.

I believe it might be better if I just show up and start serving with the Young Men and my son. If the Bpric is smart, they will call me into it. Better yet, consider it an assignment…I could frame it up that way. If they are not, and want me to take on some calling that suits organizational needs at the expense of my own, then I will have to let them known.

I just remembered something I had forgotten in the chaos of the last event the non-profit I am involved with completed. I had a volunteer quit, so I called a friend who is in the Bishopric. He stepped up to help me as I knew he would, and at the end, pitched my return to church. He used the “we really need you” approach which doesn’t work with me…a better a approach for me is “we really need you in these areas, how can we co-mission with you to come up with a calling that meets our needs and yours at the same time?”. Anyway, he knows where I stand with the church now — that I needed leadership experience to help my career, that church experience didn’t wash in the interviews, and that I’m smarting from the lackadaisical manner in which stake and ward leaders seem to leave people in positions long after they have quit. That the bulk of my time and commitment is in the non-profit.

So, in a way, boundaries have already been set if he has communicated all this to the Bpric. And with the way things work in our church, I’m pretty sure he told the rest of the Bpric. let’s see if they take it seriously…

By letting go of expectations on others, I simply meant that you can’t hold anyone else to a standard that demands they understand, accept and embrace your plan – even though I support your plan if that is what is best for you.

If they keep asking you to do things you feel you can’t do – if they make comments that seem to be aimed at getting you to change your mind (perhaps even framing it in terms of repentance) – if they talk with your wife about how to get you to accept a calling – ad infinitum . . . you can’t get upset and let it change your plan. You simply have to shrug, accept them for who they are, and keep on keepin’ on.

The good news is that I’m not after sweeping change here. They can only extract from me what I agree to. The only real expectation I have in my plan is that they will release me in two weeks of my saying it’s not working anymore — and that is a condition for taking the calling. If they don’t agree to it, then I don’t accept the calling. That is one place where I might be disturbed if it doesn’t happen. Perhaps a better plan is to simply refuse any calling and simply pitch in as a helpful parent on youth issues, as if on an assignment basis — self-assigned.

I would like to start a different thread on expectations. I’ve implemented something in a non-profit that allows me to have high expectations and reduces dramatically the disappointing effects I’ve experienced. I tested it this quarter with some amazing results. It won’t work in the church, though.