Any podcasts about not being the nice guy/gal?

Sorry no podcast suggestions.

When I was reading lots about the LDS experience with death I read about the widow of a deceased apostle. She talked about how she put on a happy face for the family and community and would cry herself to sleep every night. The story highlighted her brave face but I felt sorry for her. Here she has lost the love of her live and she does not feel that she can be demonstrably in mourning for the sake of keeping up appearances. Those people that would be in the best position to support her in her grief are walled off by the façade. This poor widow is much more alone and isolated in her sorrow than she needs to be.

I believe that there are great reasons for being nice. I believe that little white lies are totally appropriate at times. I believe that there are also appropriate times to just let things get real and speak your true feelings.

I suppose I do have a suggestion…. Go watch the Disney movie “Inside Out”. :thumbup:

Throughout my upbringing I have always tried to be the nice person. The peacemaker etc. might be a church thing. Might not be. I just feel like I need to balance it out more and taking care of myself a little more sometimes.

Any suggestions about podcasts on the optic?

Thanks:)

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No podcasts, but I will say that I was one such person. I was always described as a “nice guy”.

Unfortunately, nice guys do finish last in some contexts. It’s a matter of determining when to be nice, and when to be a hard nut.

What gave me the multi-dimensionality to be either a nice guy or a hard nut, if necessary, was business experience — or any experience where you have to put in long, inconvenient and sometimes expensive hours because people are taking advantage of your nice guy-ness. For me, this caused me to grow a tough backbone. And drop the nice guyness. My nice guyness tempers the backbone at times. But I will say this — I have an “ire” or “standing firmness” now on certain issues due to the abuse being a nice guy has caused.

It;s almost as if us nice-guys need a dose of abuse to grow that sense of strength we need in certain situations.

For me, it took three years of running a small music production venture to get that experience that made me grow that backbone I needed to tell people “no”, to hold sometimes constructively evaluative impressions of others, and to build a philosophy of what I will give, under what circumstances. Also, I have STRONG opinions about who I will work with, and have strong vetting processes to set expecations to make sure I filter out the people who will attempt to take advantage of my nice guy side.

Not sure what your experience is, but it sounds like you’ve had one recently that is causing you to ask the question in the Subject line of this thread…what prompted this desire for such a podcast?

Tahnks for the inputs. I’ll reply again after Christmas

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Thanks a lot for all the suggestions/comments. I’ll definently look into the books etc mentioned here. THANKS!

I have had to deal with a mentally unstable spouse for a couple of years ( though she has gotten a LOT better this past year), and that has certainly put a big strain on my “take care of yourself”-effort. Having to very often bend my needs/reality to keep the family together has not been good for my self sense.

I dont feel like a pushover though, but i have a lot of empathy and can easily view things from another persons perspective. I actually feel like i have a very high sense of self esteem and a pretty big inner “core”.

The problem is actually mostly a work thing (and coincidentally in the music/audio post production area – as someone above also mentioned). I got the job as an intern and really did my best to make myself a person that they really needed, so i got the job eventually. But I feel like i’m always the underdog somehow. This has been visible in my sallary. I have had way more responsebilites/work pressure than other people on my job.

The weird thing is that this is not the first time this has happened. Happened at an earlier place as well. (Didnt start as the intern, just regular employed).

I try to do my best, tell the people above me in the “chain” that im done with whatever work and available for more work. And i ended up getting less money than others and was the first one to get fired. Really weird logic in my book.

So i guess i’ll have to learn to stand up more for myself in a work related situation. Its hard though, as you can end up losing your job..

Since writing the first post i have said yes to another job (not signed the contract yet), and i dont feel at all like the underdog this time, but i really have to pay attention to not somehow slip into that role again.

Thanks again people. I’ll check out all the things, and feel free to continue the comments!

I missed this post (and several others) over the holidays, it’s a stressful time.

I tried the route of always placing other people’s needs ahead of my own. I eventually became miserable trying to make other people happy. I found that anything taken to the extreme, even when it comes to helping others, isn’t the healthiest approach. Besides, more often than not making everyone happy is an impossible task.

I have had to deal with a mentally unstable spouse for a couple of years ( though she has gotten a LOT better this past year), and that has certainly put a big strain on my “take care of yourself”-effort. Having to very often bend my needs/reality to keep the family together has not been good for my self sense.

I know this situation all to well. You can only do but so much. The hardest part is learning to let go of some things. It’s hard to know what to let go of and it’s extremely hard to shed the guilt for the things that you end up letting go of. There’s little comfort to be found in the life of a peacemaker. Being in the position of taking one for the team over and over again wears the absolute best of us down. I still haven’t learned how to heal during those fleeting moments of relative peace amid the all too frequent chaos.

You mentioned the possibility of mental illness. I think the mentally ill desperately want that peace but can’t help the drama they create. It’s an illness. The blind want desperately to see but they are still blind, the drama created by mental illness is no different. Loving someone with mental illness is a great challenge and being a peacemaker is a thankless, frustrating task because it’s a situation where there can be no lasting peace. If your spouse doesn’t have a mental illness, sorry for the tangent.

Peace doesn’t seem to be in the equation during this mortal life. There will always be strife and the peacemakers will always be right there on the front lines, regardless of how much it hurts.

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. Easier said that believed Jesus.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of god. That sounds nice. Bear, bears it all. Bear, the child of god.