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This is an interesting article in the Huffington Post. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/post-traumatic-growth-creativity_568426c0e4b014efe0d9d8e8 One of the most interesting quotes is:
Quote:Growth after trauma can take a number of different forms, including a greater appreciation for life, the identification of new possibilities for one’s life, more satisfying interpersonal relationships, a richer spiritual life and a connection to something greater than oneself, and a sense of personal strength. A battle with cancer, for instance, can result in a renewed gratitude for one’s family, while a near-death experience could be a catalyst for connecting with a more spiritual side of life. Psychologists have found that experiences of trauma also commonly lead to increased empathy and altruism, and a motivation to act for the benefit of others.
Some may think that a Faith Crisis isn’t trauma. I believe it is & requires a conscious a effort to rebuild what we truly believe not what someone has told
us to believe. There will probably be pain along the way.
That was a good read. I’m not sure if I would consider a faith crisis trauma. However, that’s only going off of my own faith crisis. I definitely think about it a lot and it is pretty terrifying in a way and makes me angry, but it doesn’t feel traumatic, per say. I can tell that a lot of change will come from this though, and I really hope it is positive change. I want to share an experience that happened today. My son has a chronic illness that needs daily management. At times there are periods of illness that need additional, non-routine medical treatment we can do at home. If unsuccessful, we must go to the hospital. My sister, by chance, is an endocrinologist,a researcher, and an international authority on certain metabolic illnesses, flying all over the world presenting papers and her research — and my son has one of the diseases on which she is literate In the last year we have been hit with some trials — recommendations from our local doctor that he receive some EXTREMELY expensive hormone treatments, and now, today, an temporary problem which may have meant a hospital visit. WE have encountered it before, but when it happens, it’s been a crap shoot as to whether we can fix the problem without professional help.
I took a chance and texted her about these two problems, and it has led to a LOT of communciation we normally would not have. We have not been very close for many, many years. She did come to my wedding, and waited outside the temple, but I have been in a different country and very distant.
As a result, she asked if she could visit us and spend time with us. A major breath of fresh air to someone (me) who has felt the last three decades of my life have been spent on an island, far from my biological family both emotionally and physically.
I shared this with my wife how this disease that afflicts my son, and our family, has actually brought me closer to my sister, and has, for the last month or so, filled up the void left by my estrangement from my family, mostly over church-related issues. Not as a fight, but just as a kind of natural divide. Perhaps due to our family culture too, not sure. But the church thing was a definite and large blow.
But this is an example of how hard times can produce unforseen benefits.
Glad something good has come from this less than perfect situation with your son. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I saw huge growth within myself after going through traumatic life events. Too often, as I was changing and growing as a result of that trauma, religious peer responses were: The church is true. There is no need for change. What you have already should be enough.
As the evolving individual, my religious peer group was threatened by the changes. Those changes were seen as a rejection of the gospel, rather than just the natural evolution of my inner person.
Any person in transition becomes a moving part within a social construct. People are more comfortable when they can see other individuals as concrete and non-moving. While no one is truly a permanent construct, in certain social situations, we act as such. Our dependability to act in a certain fashion allows us to be viewed as known commodities who will respond in specific and known fashions.
Trauma changes our reactions. It creates personal growth and evolving emotions. It also leads to different life choices. Even small unexpected changes are threatening within our social constructs. Our changes might be small and subtle, but they are changes that force the entire social construct around us to adjust.
amateurparent wrote:As the evolving individual, my religious peer group was threatened by the changes. Those changes were seen as a rejection of the gospel, rather than just the natural evolution of my inner person.
I have been having the same thoughts lately. I see myself has having evolved into a different direction. Away from structuring my life according to the social expectations of a TBM LDS person, to someone who finds self-expression in organizations outside the church. Yes, this is seen as apostasy or rejection. Which is sad. I see it as evolution.
Quote:Any person in transition becomes a moving part within a social construct. People are more comfortable when they can see other individuals as concrete and non-moving. While no one is truly a permanent construct, in certain social situations, we act as such. Our dependability to act in a certain fashion allows us to be viewed as known commodities who will respond in specific and known fashions.
Gallup, the research think-tank, indicated that followers want four things from their leaders — Compassion, Trust, Stability, and Hope. Stability is important — people want to feel control over their circumstances, and want predictable outcomes and reactions as a result of their behavior. I find that when I start behaving unpredictably, this really upsets Mormons. That’s why i believe in what I call timed-release sharing of doubts (if you share them at all — even better not to share), softening reluctance to participate in certain kinds of activities, like callings, giving vague hope, and not grandstanding unorthodox beliefs.
As Covey once said, when structure changes, everything rumbles. Religious beliefs are definitely core infrastructure, and they do cause things to rumble, that is for sure.
I think this desire for stability and predictability is evidenced in the BoM where it says God is the same yesterday, today, and in the future. Really??? I don’t believe it. He is unpredictable in so many ways.
I can’t even tell exactly what God’s rules are for my life. I pray and nothing happens. I do nothing, and then good things come to me. Sure there are high level principles he acts upon (I hope) such as charity, love, goodness, but this can be implemented in so many different ways that we can never be sure how HE will react in any circumstance.
I think it’s best if we learn to be happy amidst instability. Amidst unpredictability, amidst risk. Part of that approach is simply accepting that we are not in control, and that ultimately, the only thing we can rely upon is our own discipline to react in ways that promote inner peace.
Like with anything trauma can be beneficial but it can also be detrimental. It all depends on the person and the trauma and I don’t believe whether trauma is beneficial or detrimental is entirely governed by the decisions we make or our attitudes. I think of people that suffer from shell shock in war. It doesn’t get much harder than when bombs are dropping all around and the person at the receiving end isn’t in the best of positions to take a step back and say, “I’m not going to let this get to me” and use the power of positive thinking to come up with a silver lining.
Duration of hard times can be a factor. Also there are moments when hard times only appear to get worse with each passing day. There needs to be some form of hope, hope that the hard times will end.
Yes — as I’ve said in other threads — I do a cost-benefit analysis on a lot of things. Relevant here at StayLDS is whether to share doubts with spouses and friends, or not. Assess the costs and benefits and go with whether the alternative makes your life better or worse. Same with trials. I would gladly give up my relationship with my sister if my son could be cured of his illness — hands down. But since I can’t change the illness, focusing on the positive side effects in my relationship with her is at least one way of making the situation more tolerable.
That is what seems hollow about “the blessings of trials”. If we could control whether we were subject to the trial, would we keep it given the beneifts we receive from it? I would think not, in many extreme situations.
For example, let’s say the trial is being wrongly convicted and put in prison, followed by an exoneration and compensation from the government. How many years would you be willing to sit in prison to receive a $200,000 compensatory award? If the time served is greater than the $200,000 benefit, I would rather not have the trial.
This thread make me think of something: After open heart surgery, as a patient is woken up in ICU, extubated, and allowed to breath on their own, they are still hooked up to a lot of equipment. Pacemaker wires, chest tubes, and various IV medications to support the patient are all in place. Occasionally, a patient will look around, and state in a panic, “I need to go home for a little while and just think about this. I promise to come back later and we can continue, but right now, I just need to go home”
That response is so interesting to me.
To be in the midst of a huge life event, there isn’t any way to take a step back, go home, and finish it another day. In many ways, life events are like a battle that must be fought when the enemy engages. You rarely get to chose the time frame, schedule the shift, or prepare. One deals with the life events with the resources one has accumulated. Hopefully, those resources include honor, patience, long-suffering, a circle of friends, real effort, and honesty. The resources that are most needed do not include food storage. The most important resources are inside.
amateurparent wrote:This thread make me think of something:
After open heart surgery, as a patient is woken up in ICU, extubated, and allowed to breath on their own, they are still hooked up to a lot of equipment. Pacemaker wires, chest tubes, and various IV medications to support the patient are all in place. Occasionally, a patient will look around, and state in a panic, “I need to go home for a little while and just think about this. I promise to come back later and we can continue, but right now, I just need to go home”
That response is so interesting to me.
To be in the midst of a huge life event, there isn’t any way to take a step back, go home, and finish it another day. In many ways, life events are like a battle that must be fought when the enemy engages. You rarely get to chose the time frame, schedule the shift, or prepare. One deals with the life events with the resources one has accumulated. Hopefully, those resources include honor, patience, long-suffering, a circle of friends, real effort, and honesty. The resources that are most needed do not include food storage. The most important resources are inside.
I like what Marcus Aurelius was purported to say — something to the effect that we shouldn’t worry about the future, because we will meet it with the same abilities that we have met the challenges in our lives so far. His statement assumes that you have a certain ability, or the internal reserves AP is talking about.
For me, one of my reserves is that I am constantly doing risk management. I have visualized my life in a wide variety of undesireable scenarios. So, when my son was diagnosed with a chronic illness, i didn’t flinch. My wife, on the other hand, was a mess. She said “why aren’t you upset”. I said, “Because I live here” — meaning, I have accepted many eventualities –unwell children, cancer, financial ruin, children missing, etcetera. I was not pleased with the situation, but I was collected because had accepted chronic illness as a risk of parenting for many years when things were going well. So I was ready for it when it happened.
On the other hand, my wife sees me as a fatalist, and I see her as Polyanna. She is very positive about life in that she doesn’t believe anything bad will happen, or if it does, it will be temporary. Right up until a looming trial occurs, she is almost in denial. Me, I have no such illusions. I consider my constant thought about what could go wrong, and accepting it before it happens, as one of the reserves that have helped me get through various trials. All while remaining largely productive in life.
Does this kind of reserve could sustain a person in all situations? Probably not. There are extreme situations I am not sure I am ready for,such as wrongful imprisonment, amputation, or other things (I know this sounds a bit morbid) but for many of life’s routine problems, the reserve comes from recognizing I am not immune to trials, and accepting some of the more likely ones…
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